Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion boredom?!?

I wonder if anyone else has problems with their kids getting restless and bratty when they get bored? I'm having a hard time deciding how much of this is his need for mental stimulation, and how much is just me overindulging him and not letting him learn to entertain himself. Here's an example. He's been complaining for quite a while that he's bored at school. While he didn't get in a LOT of trouble, I was noticing more frequent notes saying he was chatting a lot and distracting the other kids. So after getting permission from his teacher, I bought him a spiral notebook and started sending him with some math, grammar, and writing to work on. Problem stopped almost immediately, and he's happy to be doing some work that is a little more challenging. That also freed up some time at home so I don't feel like he's doing nothing but school work all the time. On the surface it seems perfect. But I wonder if maybe I should try to ensure that he learns to deal with boredom in more positive ways? He does the same thing at home - if he has too much free time he gets grouchy and mean.
For all I know, this may not even be a gifted issue - it may just be a typical 7 year old issue. But I would love to hear the opinions from anyone who may know anything about this. Keep him constantly stimulated? Or let him learn to entertain himself?

He *was* entertaining himself at school - by chatting with the other children.

I know that even I, in my forties, would be restless and bratty if I had to sit in a desk and do *nothing* for long stretches. What exactly do you expect him do to entertain himself that would not disrupt the classroom and that would not involve having additional materials that he could engage with quietly in his seat?

When I am bored, I read a book, or write, or draw, or listen to music and sing along, or run, or do yoga, or find someone to talk to. Some of these are acceptable in a classroom, some are not. Making sure that it is easier for him to choose non-disruptive ways of handling his boredom than disruptive ones seems to me to be the least that the adults in his life can do at this point to teach him how to handle boredom without disrupting class or distracting others.

The greater question that looms here, of course, is why providing him with the appropriate level of school work is up to you, rather than something the school should be doing anyway.

Intellectual stimulation is food for the mind. Understimulation is intellectual hunger. We all know that children get bratty when their bodies are hungry - the same goes for their minds. You wouldn't refuse to feed your child if he was genuinely hungry unless there was a really good reason that food was not permitted or available, like impending fasting bloodwork,for example. Sending him to school knowing that the work is not adequate to meet his intellectual hunger and doing nothing to supplement it would be like sending him to lunch with nothing but a few celery sticks in his lunch box.

I'd say this is very much a gifted issue.
If you don't provide him with something to do after he's finished his class work, what is he going to do to learn to entertain himself? Maybe he can get a book from the teacher's box of books available to the class, but they're probably beneath him. If he's allowed to get books from the school library, he probably can't get enough to last until the next trip, if he's even allowed to get books at his level. You'll probably need to supply books for him on a daily basis.
Kids rarely spontaneously do math, you need to provide a framework to build on. 1st grade math probably isn't keeping him busy very long. Sudoku, logic problems, and other workbooks are great to keep them entertained. GS11's teachers welcomed these additions.

Many kids resort to undesirable behavior when allowed to entertain themselves. It's not strictly a gifted issue, but when the gifted kid has more time on his hands it can be a bigger issue for him.

That's an excellent point. He does need to learn how to keep himself entertained, but there are limited options for that when one is in first grade.
Aculady - I've been fighting with the school all year long. They try so hard to make sure that the struggling students are up to speed, sometimes the advanced students fall through the cracks. His teacher tries, within the constraints given by the district. She let him read. When the books became too easy, she let him bring his own books from home. When she realized he was finishing his assignments so quickly that he was spending most of the day reading and getting bored with it, she gave him a journal so he could write stories, and she would occasionally come by and give him pointers on grammar and punctuation (which is not even TAUGHT in first grade here). But he needed some variety. That was why I started sending him to school with a chapter book to read AND his notebook or extra work. He gets bored easily. His teacher has discussed skipping second grade - I don't want to skip him in the middle of the year, but at the end of the year I wouldn't be opposed to moving him to third instead of second. The district is resistant - they think he should be satisfied with 30-40 minutes PER WEEK with the gifted teacher.
OHGrandma - I'm not sure why it didn't also occur to me that I should be thrilled to death that he is spontaneously doing math. (I majored in physics in college - so you can see how a good math background is a BIG issue for me).
So I suppose my only remaining question is, should I be worried about a lack of self-control later on? There are situations in life where kids aren't necessarily entertained, but they have to behave anyway. Any thoughts on whether or not he is likely to learn that if I'm keeping him CONSTANTLY busy?

I don't think you have to worry about a lack of self-control later on. Take into account that the other children in class are also getting work that engages them pretty much the entire time, and that this is not an accident. No one is questioning whether they will develop normal levels of self-control later. The other children are not being expected to wait quietly for long periods with nothing to do - why should you be expected to ask this of your child?

From what you say, as long as he has access to something appropriate to do, his is well-behaved. Even if he never stops needing more stimulation than average (which is likely), there are plenty of adults who keep a book, sketchpad, or other quiet diversion with them when they know that they are going to be in a situation where they have to wait quietly for a long period, and this is not seen as inappropriate.

I realize the district as a whole is not being supportive (one of the reasons we went to homeschooling), but could the gifted teacher perhaps help you out by coordinating with the classroom teacher and providing projects or additional work for your son to do in his regular class after his regular work is done that extends either the breadth or depth of the instruction that is taking place in class, or that helps your son develop an area of particular interest?

Thanks, Aculady - I feel better now. I worry a lot about his education, and sometimes my anxiety issues take over. My husband says that if I don't have anything to worry about, I'll make something up. Looks like in this case he was right.
I haven't been able to meet with the gifted teacher yet. She works for several different schools and is extraordinarily difficult to coordinate with. But we're planning another conference in a couple of weeks, and I think I may make an extra effort to have her there. I hate to pile more work on the poor woman - she's already so overworked it's ridiculous. But maybe we can work out something that I could help with so it's not a ton of extra work for her to do. He's developing an interest in Native American culture - he went to bed tonight with a book about them and has so far reappeared from his room twice with interesting facts that he HAD to tell me before he went to sleep. There are all kinds of projects that can come out of that - maybe this would be a good starting point.

We definitely have bratty restless kids when they are under-stimulated. We see it first at home, and then it occurs in school.
We even see it over vacations. DD7 usually lasts about 1 week with nothing planned before she needs some sort of intellectual stimulation. Last week over Christmas break - 2 weeks long here, we had her do some time on her school's math website because I could see the brat creeping out and since we were staying with my parents we didn't want brat child to show up. After that she was great and good to go for the rest of our time there. My parents thought I was nuts having her do math over vacation until they saw the change in her attitude and how much she liked it.
I like the idea of sending in a notebook of other things to do when school work gets done - I might try that.

Well said.

I could do hours and hours of physical activities with DS2, but only mental activities (books, puzzles, etc) calm him down.

Treecrit - how are discussions about the midyear skip going? Is the notebook with 'work from home' still working? Are you able to do any 'unit studies' regarding Native American History?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Next time, don't be so quick to doubt yourself, ok?
L & M L,
Grinity