Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Helping dd to relax

On Christmas eve, after lights had been out for sometime, dd5 realised she hadn't put carrots out for the reindeers and called out, very upset. DH went to her, so I don't know exactly what happened, but he says she started saying she couldn't yawn or take a deep breath. To cut a long story short, she is still having difficulties taking deep breaths and yawning. Her doctor has told me she thinks it's anxiety, the time of year etc. There is nothing to indicate it is a physical problem.

Overall she's a very happy, very brave kid, but she is prone to emotional OE and occasional bouts of anxiety - especially about physical illness (so of course her breathing difficulties got worse as she started to panic more and more about them!) Mostly we talk things through and I try to step her through alternatives to her worries or help her visualise what is actually likely to happen and she's fine. She'll even talk herself down now sometimes (I've heard her say "i know that is unlikely to happen because of w,x,y and even if it does the worst that can happen z"). Which is great.

But the breath thing has me a little stumped - it now pops its head up a couple of times a day (and look, it has only been a few days, so it may well just be a passing phase), and while it passes quite quickly now that she has gotten used to it, if she is really upset her inability to catch her breath - understandably - scares her. Once we've dealt with whatever issue is at hand, to help her get calm enough to breath comfortably I've been suggesting she try and think about something happy or something she's looking forward to doing, but I am wondering if there are any relaxation exercises people have found that work for their kids as I think she could benefit from them in general.

Any thoughts?

I have had rounds of a similar thing myself. Laying down on the bed and covering head to toe with a blanket helps me. I wonder if the effects similar to breathing into a brown paper bag like they do on tv.

We're trying a calm down thing at the house. I saw it when looking up something for someone else. We're using for self-control over anything you need to get control of yourself over. Maybe it helps anxiety too. Tell them to squeeze all the juice out of an orange with one hand, then with the other, then with both hands. Drop the oranges on the floor and shake out both hands. Rinse. Repeat if desired. Until you feel like you're in control. Practice at at random as well. In addition addressing the underlying issue, you could try this approach because it seems like it would help in so many situations and because it's simple.

I too have been through breathing issues with anxiety. It is very scary! I found that walking outside (no matter the time or weather) makes a big difference, especially if I concentrate on finding a specific flower, or bug or a branch that looks a certain way, whatever pops into my head is what I look for.
When DD7 gets super upset about something I sometimes sing a lullaby to her that I use to sing to her when she was a baby. It calms her down almost instantly! I am amazed that at almost 8 she will still respond the same way to a silly song I made up using her first and middle name when she was a crying month old baby in the middle of the night! (Even more amazed that I remember the words and tune ) As she has gotten older we have had less cases of her getting overwhelmingly upset, but there are still occasions when she is just gone and the song works best. She even starts humming it herself as she calms down.

I am a Physiotherapist who works with Respiratory disease including the management of hyperventilation syndrome that those with type A personalities (amongst others causes) are prone to developing. We teach patients to focus on exhalation and rebreathing or doing anything rhythmical with a 3 beat (like singing) with a 2/3 emphysis on exhalation. I have never managed children though but became interested in the field knowing I too suffered as a child and suffered terribly badly whlst pregnant with twins.

On the note of physical issues, there is a link between giftedness, asthma and allergies. During the holidays people have many unusual foods and plants around the house. Something as simple as a new sort of christmas tree in the living room could be triggering an allergic reaction. (nut cookies from grandma, a new doll, etc., etc.)
I was not sure why you ruled out something like that so quickly...so I mention it in case you have not considered. I am no doctor here, but for something to start fairly suddenly (breathing issue) and then to occur regularly, more than once a day, I would be more prone to have her looked at for a physical cause. I do hope you figure this one out soon, it sounds a bit scary for her!

Thanks all for your replies. I'll give some of those strategies a try. Chris1234, I was concerned about asthma and allergies too, and had dd checked out by her Dr who said her chest sounded great and that there were no physical symptoms. I appreciate the suggestion though.

Wow, all pink. That's like a yoga move. Sometimes we'd start the class sitting in lotus position with our thumb on one nostril and ring finger and pinky on the other. We'd completely exhale out all the air from one nostril to the count of eight inhale to the count of four. Hold. Exhale the other side for eight. Inhale for four. Hold. Exhale the other ... Sometimes I'd fake it during runny nose season.

It's supposed to balance the hemispheres of your brain and draw attention to the breath. Of course, this kind of yoga isn't really for 5 yr olds. While some small kids go with mommy to yoga and do quite well, usually children do a different yoga.

Hiya :),

We deep breathe and count (together) - my face at her level, gently holding upper arms which helps to calm her a little. We also go to a meditation class once a week which helps tremendously. We do both 'mindfulness of breathing' and 'metta bhavana', both of which are great. Hope you figure something out, I know how upsetting it is seeing them so upset.

Hugs,
K x