Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy feeling proud?

An interesting thing happened last night. I was at a school thing with DS6 and was talking to another woman. She had heard from someone that DS6 was taking math in a 4th grade class. She said to me "you must be so proud of him." and it caught me off guard. I paused and said "yes, I am." This may be odd but I have never considered the fact that my son is a PG child something to be proud of. While I am quite amazed and impressed by all the things he does and knows, I wouldn't say that I am proud of him being a PG child. It is not like he really worked to be the way he is, and it's not like I did anything to make him that way, he just is who he is. That being said, there are so many things that I am proud of...like when he really works at something and gets it, like when he doesn't give up on something when it is challenging even when he can't seem to get it, like when he is caring to others and shows compassion, like when he plays with his little sister and tries to teach her things...I could go on and on. He is truly and amazing boy, but I have never thought of being proud of him because of his intelligence. I have had a similar feeling when people talk about how happy I should feel because of how smart DS is. I hope that doesn't come accross wrong, but just something I was thinking about.

Thanks Shellymos,
I always look forward to your posts because of your gentle warmth. I got such a happy feeling reading the story of this little moment.

I mostly get the pride feeling when DS14 shows his character. For the PGness, it's just plain delight when our minds play together or I watch quietly in the backround while he does this with someone else, even better when it's a group!

On a heart level I connect with so many people, but when it comes to pure delightful mind play connection, that is a special thrill that I only get with relatively few people. Of course, we don't feel like 'a few' once we get together here or at events, do we?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Thanks Grinity,
lol because the editing on my post was due to me trying to delete the post as I realized it was more of a random thought then a thread worthy topic.

I do wish that I got to see DS in more of the situations you describe. The few I have seen are really fun to watch. I do feel quite proud whenever he is kind or shows character and when he shows perseverance. For us I find it fascinating to watch as he shares stories and ideas, and how he starts conversations sometimes in the middle of something assuming that I was thinking the same thing (which since I am quite unlike him, usually I am not) However my brain is certainly being challenged and used more since he has come along. I am seeking out mind stimulating things and doing things that I never would have been interested in before. I feel like I can connect with almost anyone on some sort of level, but I do wonder if DS can connect as well because he is PG and doesn't have those peers around(or even parents) that are anywhere near that level.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree.

It's more of what you do with your gifts that we can be most proud of.

Last year my son won a 20" tall National Math throphy, which took little effort. I would say I was proud becuase it was his hard work in Math that helped him. But it's not such a big deal.

On the same day, he also recieved low key mention for taking the EXPLORE. He was the only child below 6th grade in the school. As a 3rd grader this took courage, a Saturday away from play and effort. I was very proud of this.

This was a great learning situation. It's more about what we get out of experiences on the inside, than others reccognition or prizes.

I feel the same way, proud when DS5 shows his character. I'm proud when he's brave, kind and considerate. He takes great care to make other kids feel comfortable when he's playing with them, always choosing something that they can enjoy because it's at an appropriate level for them, and never shows off. They all love playing with him because of his goofy sense of humor and great imagination.

One of my proudest moments was when I learned that when kids at his school were shunning one little boy at lunch, he went over to sit with him and loudly said, "Hey, who wants to eat with us?", which apparently made some others brave enough to come over.

I'm proud of him, too, when he overcomes something that he's found challenging. Without giving too much information, he has a tendency to be a worrywart, which impacts his life in some significant ways, but he's getting over it. He also is getting over his extreme fear of failure more with each passing month, and it's making him a lot stronger.

Even as a little aside this was so interestingly thought provoking because it oddly seems to highlight all the struggles pg parents go through. I think your reaction makes perfect sense - if she meant you must be so proud your son is trying something that challenges him and is hard and outside the norm - then yes, you are. If she meant, you must be so proud he is smart, that's just weird, yet people say it all the time. Does anyone say you must be so proud he's handsome? No of course not. Do they say you must be so proud he's nice. No of course not. (although they should because parents have such an influence on nice behavior rather than innate niceness). And it also seems to suggest if you really read into it that you think kids at their regular level are not worth being proud of. But perhaps its the word that is wrong - sort of like the difference between jealousy and envy - they are not exactly the same and there is a covetousness with envy which seemingly makes it a more pernicious emotion - yet both are about wanting what someone else has. Perhaps it is the suspicion that the asserter of you must be proud has some other thought in mind. Prior to getting on the testing for gifted school torture rack, we had DS tested and I remember wondering if this was about me based on all the stuff thrown at parents about giftedness - a need for a label - a need to say my kid is gifted, no not like you think your kid is gifted, better gifted?! Or at its worst that mom, was it in CO where the kid was PG but isn't now, where supporting a gifted kid comes off as some crazy M�nchhausen behavior.

Or, alternatively we could just stand up and say, yup, I made that!!!

I think I went way off the tangent!

DeHe

That's how I feel. I'm just so proud to have kids and to be a parent. I like the nice things people say, oh your kids are super cute, etc...even if smarts is just a genetic lottery there's nothing wrong with being a proud parent, like if you knew a supermodel or athlete. Talent is cool, that's probably all they're commenting on. This is another case where you need to realize that no one else will see your children the way you see them. That goes for any kid. Unless you have a weird reputation or the other parent usually acts weird I would just take it as they were trying to make superficial conversation and offer an obvious compliment. Even if it doesn't reflect how you feel deep inside.

You put it so beautifully, Shellymos - this is very worthy of a topic, because it's something that we have to be silent about in front of friends who don't have gifted children.

I had something quite the opposite happen years ago, and your post triggered that memory. My oldest daughter had tested into the gifted program but after long thought and discussion decided against the more advanced track and chose instead to focus on art in high school. She took the AP English classes and ended up testing out of her first year of college math. I was talking with a mother whose son was in gifted classes with my middle child, and she said, "Oh, you must be so disappointed in your daughter that she didn't pick gifted classes."

I remember being confused by the comment, because I couldn't figure out why I would be disappointed with a daughter who chose art since that was where her passion was. She dropped a statistics class her senior year to volunteer in the profoundly disabled classroom. Now that? I was really proud of her for that.

I am proud of my middle son for having the courage to approach a professor to land a mentorship at the University in his field of interest while he is still in high school. And I am proud of my youngest for pushing so far past his own abilities to overcome dysgraphia.

But I am neither disappointed or proud of my kids because of their IQ. I am proud of them for the things they choose to do to become worthwhile, contributing human beings.

Now that would be a very proud moment indeed. How sweet!

LaTexican - yes I totally am not reading into what the woman's intentions were of saying "you must be proud." She clearly was just complimenting my son. It just got me thinking more about what specifically makes me proud.

ABQMom - that is so true. I am clearly much more proud by virtues and character things that you mentioned displayed in your daughter. For me helping someone in need, doing something kind vs. 100% on a test. That's a no brainer to me. Much more proud for acts of kindness. Not that I don't appreciate hard work and am not proud of him when he works hard and does well at things, I definitely am. But for me becoming a kind person of good character is much more of a priority.

So I was walking home from the library with DS this afternoon and he was chattering away, today about a robot organic cow which makes the milk and puts it in the lunchbox sized cartons inside of the cow and then the trucks back up to the cow and the cartons come out all filled one at time. A lady passed us on the street and heard him and turned around and said wow, he is so smart, and asked him, how old are you, and he said I'm 4 and I can read. She turn to me and said again, wow he is so smart - and with this whole discussion in my head, I paused possibly too long and said thank you!!!! Exactly like you shellymos but I didn't know what to say. But what was also interesting is that I sort of cringed inside that DS said he could read - the volunteering of the information. This has happened before and my response instinctively seems to be don't brag, as if he said I'm so handsome. So once home I asked him why he told the lady he could read and he said because he wanted her to know he could do it.

I think he is starting to really notice the comments from adults and seems to have chosen to wear his skills with pride, yes, let me tell you what else I can do. But he doesn't do anything like that with kids his age. But it really is awkward for adult and kid to be called out like that in a way that doesn't leave you a good way to respond. And again rather like the initial post she didn't say oh what an imaginative story, it was about the innate. But I guess in some way it is like saying oh, what a cute baby but somehow it feels like a complement wrapped in a, wow that's strange.

Hmm, not sure if its just interesting timing or that your post struck me more than I thought!! And good thing she didn't see the books we had in the bag!!!

DeHe