Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Am I stifling her creativity?

DD4 is much more creative and colorful than DS7. I've been trying to get them both in the habit of keeping their rooms clean, but I've been having a bit of an issue with her. She likes to take anything that is colorful (bead necklaces, colored paper chains, even the princess dress up clothes that we got her for her birthday) and hang them all over her room because "it looks pretty that way" The result is that it looks sloppy. It looks like a box of random objects exploded in her room. It's not like she doesn't have color in there - she has a butterfly comforter, rainbow curtains, and a giant rainbow painted across two walls. But I also understand that anxiety disorders run in my family and while I don't have OCD, I have seen some tendencies in that direction. If something isn't neat and organized, it bothers me, and I could very well be overreacting to this. So....since she is actively trying to decorate her room, and not just being lazy and not picking up her stuff, should I let it stay? And if so, how do I define when the room is "clean"? I want her to learn to take responsibility for her own stuff, and I also want her to learn organizational skills that will help her later - but I don't want to make her miserable in her own room.

I really believe that there is a window of opportunity to teach kids order and that everything has a place and gets put back in that place, and that it becomes more difficult later if that window closes. But, in this case it seems like letting it stay might make sense. Although I would prob. limit it to paper chains and beads--dress up clothes hanging around would make me crazy! Or--maybe limit it to one wall or one area of the room.

My parents gave us complete freedom to have our rooms how we wanted, the only rule was that there had to be a 3' wide "fire safety path" from the door to the bed. I am now a very organized person - almost a neat freak so I am not sure about the window of opportunity theory.

I carried this on with my kids (as difficult as it was for me) with the added rule that there could be no health or safety hazards, and I now have one neat freak and one...not so much. Funny thing, the one that's messy now used to be very fussy about putting everything in its place, she gave that up when she had to share a room with her messy sister and now they have switched.

I suppose the sensitive period for order is a theory without solid evidence to back it up, but I am a Montessori fan and it appeals to me--plus it allows me to blame my sometimes lack of orderliness on my mother missing the sensitive period

http://www.mchsf.com/blog/details/the_childs_sensitive_period_for_order/

I can see the wisdom in Nik's approach too, although I don't think I could do it...but for the OP maybe there is some middle ground that you could both live with.

I have a daughter that I still describe as a bouquet of flowers because she's so colorful ( Around the Block a Time or Two ), so I understand what you mean. I really do think it's wise to pick your battles and decide what matters enough to be consistent all day every day. If it is going to lead to conflict with her, just make sure the result of enforcing the rule is worth it.

Maybe you can pre-emptivly strike against re-decorating her room like a walk-in closet by enabling her to wallpaper her room in posters. Go crazy- add 2-3 posters for every wall. It could be a temporary, yet delightfully tacky look you could compromise and both agree on, giving her the satisfaction of an interesting and busy visual and confining it to a two-dimensional plane that might save your sanity. Plus it's an excuse for the two of you to go shopping! Don't forget those little plastic things that go on the posters.
I'll always remember the year my mom let me paint a mural on my bedroom wall. I copied an Indian princess viewing her wedding dress in a river from a magazine advertisement selling a decorative plate. We were renting so I had to repaint the wall white when we moved. Ouch! It was worth it!

Yo deacongirl, are you saying kids thrive on structure and routine? I'm a believer and I'm working hard to improve my own levels of consistency and routine. I LOVe the creative release of rearranging the house, but I'm retraining myself to love leaving stuff put because it seems to affect the guys sanity differently, just from what I'm observing. IDK, the house just seems so much "fresher" to me whenever I re-arrange the furniture, but more relaxing to the guys whenever I leave it put.

I do love the Montessori ideas on routines and seasons. I bought a few little pumpkins and let ds draw faces on them with a marker, we'll try paints or carving next year. Natural medicine beliefs tell us to celebrate the seasons and eat extra seasonal foods (squash and apples in the winter, salads and citrus in the summer) because this helps our bodies adjust and recognize it's changing needs throughout the year.

My DD4 is exactly this way. She has to drape her sparkly beads all over things, paint "beautiful rainbows" and hang them up, create a "princess closet" where all of her princesses have their own beautiful things. She absolutely cannot go for a walk without gathering all sorts of flotsam from flowers to rocks to sticks to leaves that are all "so beautiful". She will present me a leaf, saying "Mommy, I got this for you!" and if you discard it too quickly (i.e. before she has moved on to something else) she will be devastated.

I don't try to make her put those things away, because, as you said, it's not left out from laziness or a lack of organization; if you ask her, it is completely organized and everything is exactly where it needs to be. I agree that you need to be able to move around, but I don't think that my DD organization should have to exactly coincide with mine. Plus, she's only 4, after all.

I would compromise -- make sure she is cleaning up the other parts of her room (toys/games/puzzles/clothes), but let her define how she wants to decorate. Perhaps it would be a good idea to practice at cleaning everything up; every so often we will put away all of her beautiful things by doing "clean up clean up" time together, but she knows she can redecorate after everything is put away.

I love the way she is always making something beautiful (at least to her!) out of something completely random. I want to make sure I go out of my way to encourage that creativity, which, as you said with your family, my DS5 does not really share.