Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school "I want to be a cute little girl" (hiding self)

I have been on this site for the last year and a half trying to find the best way to live with my intense, bright, artistic, challenging child who has some sensory seeking issues, but is an outgoing, talented little girl.

She has been in a traditional pre-k for three year old and four year old preschool. We have had some challenges, but have not found a better alternative and since I have been having health challenges and have a very intense, smart active younger child, I have needed those few hours a week when she has a place to go burn off energy so for now have resigned ourselves to this school until K next year.

Anyway, I found out she was hiding herself in many ways at school, so much in fact, that her new teacher had no clue that she was even advanced. That was so sad because I knew that meant she was hiding herself. She wasn't answering questions or showing skills. She wasn't hiding her artistic skills as much.

For a little background, she knew letters and letter sounds at 1.5, counting, complex puzzles, amazing vocabulary, etc. at two, reading well before 3, spelling out words at two something, doing simple math at 3, writing, vast store of science knowledge, could name states, knows all about planets, and so on, and at 4, can do second or third grade reading and science, but isn't as advanced in math, but is well beyond pre-k and K. She is very creative and tells amazing stories and has an frightening memory and vocabulary.

She has been complaining about the "baby stuff" at school and I asked why she doesn't show what is inside her and she said because she wanted to be a "cute little girl." I am starting to gather that she thinks not knowing is cuter and more lovable to her teachers or other kids.

I told her if she didn't want to do "baby things" at school she needed to show who she was inside and who she was is wonderful. The next day, she asked to read the class a book at show and tell and read it, showed pictures, and was amazing. I was so proud of her. I didn't see it as showing off either, but it could be construed as that. I think she is just trying to figure out how to be herself and fit in in the same place.

Although she complains, I have gone into observe her and she is smiling throughout the day and she is only there a few hours a few days a week so we can do enriching things outside of the classroom, but I worry about her getting the notion that she should strive to be a cute little girl above evertything else. She is a pretty girl, and I don't want her to think that that is where her worth resides. Oh, she had been asking me to take her to a different school so she didn't have to do "baby things."

I have been wondering when we might need an IQ test to help advocate for her in school and how much it will matter to have the tester be familiar with gifted kids. She had a test at 3.4, and tested very high, but I think she will need another test closer to school age. The original test was because we were worried about behvior issues and was not to test for giftedness. The tester was used to delayed children and my feeling was she didn't really reveal the full extent of her abilities. Money is an issue and we are still wondering about ADHD so insurance might cover having someone test her, but they may not be familiar with gifted kids. Any suggestions are welcome.

This is similiar to my DD7 in school before we made the change to a gifted school. I tell her her inside stuff is what is most important, not how pretty she is. She was really being hurt by school in 1st because there wasn't much play time that she loved and the learning was too easy. She complained they were treating her like a baby.

I believe 5 is a good time to IQ. Hoagies has some reccomendations for testers. I would also start putting together a portfolio of about 12 pieces of work that she does above level. You could keep a library reading list too with reading levels.

If she was a little less smart she couldn't help but show it, no joke.

We are dealing with the same issues here. My DD4.5 has been speaking in a baby voice and chewing on clothing. We aren�t sure how to help build her confidence? Or maybe she needs more of a challenge? Sorry no suggestions - just wanted to let you know we are in the same boat.

Using baby talk and acting like a baby is mentioned in many parenting books as a common phase around this age. Kids struggle with wanting to grow up but still feeling threatened by it. One approach to deal with this is to formally accept it as a play activity rather than fighting it. Play it up "I'll be the mommy and you be my baby", lullabies, pretend to burp her, etc. Over time that may evolve to discussions about happy times when she was a baby. It may let her work through those feelings and cut down on the need to have baby talk the rest of the time.

I would not worry about this. It is probably a phase. My daughter was a cat for awhile.

When she was in preschool, her teacher tested her alone and she answered all the questions. Until then, my daughter had never spoken in class. She began speaking in class in elementary school and still does. But, she is a true introvert.