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    #8874 02/14/08 11:56 AM
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    Cece Offline OP
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    Hi there,

    I do not want to HS - I am soooo scared! - but I clearly have no choice right now. My five year-old is in a public K/1 class and is having a horrible time. He fidgets, will not stay on task. I have known he is bright, but now see that he is very accelerated in math and reading. His teacher is defensive and will not even share lesson plans with me, and recently reprimanded both my son and me for his "moving ahead too fast".

    I am trying to learn all I can about homeschooling, but am completely overwhelmed. Can anyone here point me in the right direction? I am looking for a step-by-step guide for CA. I think I know that my son learns well when he sees purpose in the activity - artificial (rewards like computer time) or intrinsic (baked bread he has measure the ingredients for). He is a wonderful, chaotic, loving kid who has more energy than any classroom can handle. He is interested in learning via adult tools, and will not complete the Kindergarten homework assigned if he sees no point.

    Any advice. Any! Thank you sooooo much for this forum.

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    cece-

    Welcome! There are several regulars here who homeschool. My family has been at it for seven years now. We love it.
    I'd suggest that you check out the gifted homeschoolers forum online, which is run by folks in California. I'm pretty sure that they have rules and regs for the state as well as all kinds of resources.

    There are all sorts of threads on homeschooling here. If you conduct a search you should get a lot of relevant discussion.

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    Cece -
    I've never homeschooled, but I have heard that children who have been in tight places at school need a little vacation when they first come home to learn. So bring him home now and learn on the way - if you can find us, you can homeschool. Maybe not forever, but most of the folks I know aren't thinking in terms of 'homeschool' v. bricks and mortar - they are getting to know their child's needs and putting together a series of situations that work for their child.

    It's a lot of responsibility, but so is parenting in general, parenting a special needs child in particular. What are your son's interests? How does he like to learn? Do you know anyone at all local who homeschools?

    Best Wishes,
    Grinity


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    Happy to help! I was where you are just 5 short months ago, and after we made an "emergency homeschool" choice about 6 weeks into 1st grade, now I'm giving advice on HSing! laugh

    If you have any specific questions, please just ask. I promise you, it's easier than you think it will be. Much! smile


    Kriston
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    Cece Offline OP
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    Hi again - thank you so much for your replies! Kriston, I can really identify with the emergency first grade homeschooling situation - that's almost exactly what I am facing.

    My son has some hyperactivity that difficult to work with. We're also considering Waldorf and Montessori, though, I know, they seem very opposite in philosophy.

    Kriston, did you consider another schooling situation? My son and I clash - he's got a very strong will. My husband has Asperger's, and my son has some traits that make working with him...well, challenging. Most days I am up for it, but I worry about the days I am tired or have to deal with something stressful.

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    At the time, there really wasn't another schooling possibility. We were 6 weeks into the school year already, and I had done ZERO research into other schools. Uprooting him and moving him to a new school without significant research seemed out of the question. I mean, we'd have no way to know if the new school would even be any better than what we were leaving. And keeping him in that classroom for weeks while I did the research was out of the question. The classroom situation was simply not working. Not even a little. DS6 was miserable, acting out, sad, angry...it was killing his spark, and I wasn't going to watch that happen any longer than I absolutely had to.

    We considered trying to change classrooms, but that seemed like a lot of work for no reward. We didn't really consider grade-skipping because before the trouble began, we were under the (mistaken) impression that DS6 was MG, so we didn't think it would be necessary to skip a grade. When I began trying to figure out how to handle the problem, I finally saw his test scores (achievement and group IQ, conducted by the school on the K teacher's ID) for the first time. I was flabbergasted to see such high scores--they were 1 to 2 standard deviations higher than I expected them to be! Surprise! And, honestly, I thought I was far more GT aware than the average person. It was the first time I was confronted with just how bad a case of GT denial I was living!

    Anyway, after we saw the scores, it didn't seem worth it to try to keep him in public school. Our school system is not at all GT friendly anyway, so we had already considered HSing in passing, though I hadn't researched it beyond just chatting with a HSing friend about her experiences. I realized that if I was worried that he would have trouble at the school when I thought he was MG, there was no way I was going to be able to make the school work for him if he was PG! It was completely untenable for him.

    (Not that I think ALL public schools are untenable for ALL PG kids. I think it's a case-by-case thing, and some public schools work very nicely for PG kids. But I firmly believe that our public school wasn't going to work for our kid.)

    What was left? Homeschooling! And it has been a good choice for us given the situation.

    It has not been an *ideal* situation in our case, mainly because I am an introvert who needs significantly more alone time than most people do. DS6, however, ADORES HSing!!! I mean, he thinks it's the best thing ever. He loves that he gets to study things that interest him in as much detail as he chooses. He loves that he's challenged. He loves that he got to use learning to downhill ski as phys ed class. And he loves getting to spend time with Mom. smile

    As I say, it's slightly less-than-ideal for me. I confess, I'm the person who loves the fool out of her kids, but who couldn't *wait* until they hit school age so she could do some things alone for a change! I'm not getting that time to myself, and it's hard. The school stuff is much easier and more fun than I expected it to be. The decreased alone-time has been far harder than I realized it would be. <shrug> Live and learn.

    (Note: if you homeschool and need alone time, make sure you have some help with child care. You'll need it! I have some, but it's not enough. Without any child care, I would be certifiably insane by now!)

    I also worry about getting enough time with friends for DS6 next year. His best friend B lives right behind us, and the boy is a kindergartener in half-day school this year. (An older one! He's just a couple of months younger than my DS.) That means his school schedule allows him to play with DS6 nearly every weekday morning and afterschool, too, so when combined with playdates and HSing groupo activities, DS has never lacked for social time. But next year, when B is in school all day and comes home exhausted and with homework still to do...I suspect DS will get less social time and will need more. I can't do more than I'm doing now. I need to do less!

    With the luxury of time to research, I think we've come up with a workable solution for next year. Fingers crossed! We're planning to HS part-time and send DS6 to a private GT school part-time. This will allow us to afford the school (which is very expensive), will cut down on driving time (because it's about an hour's drive round-trip), and will let us keep doing many of same sorts of fun things we've done this year as HSers (like skiing).

    I'm hoping that this arrangement will give DS6 what he needs while also giving me what I need. It will also allow me more 1-on-1 time to spend with DS3.5, whom I think often gets the short end of Mommy's stick! frown

    So I guess to sum up, I would say that at the time we pulled DS6 out of school for HSing, we *couldn't* consider other options. Not really. Now that we have the luxury of time, we are probably going to be very creative in the solution to our problem: part-time private GT school and part-time HSing isn't on most people's lists of educational options! wink

    Does that answer your question? Does it help you at all, or am I just babbling?

    K-


    Kriston
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    Cece-

    If your son has some aspie traits, then perhaps this will comfort you. My oldest son is profoundly gifted but also has Asperger's. I'd place him on the mild to moderate end of the spectrum; he wasn't diagnosed until age 13, though his symptoms were all recognized and some were treated from age five. He had a really hard time making friends at school. Still, we kept trying different schools and hoping for that magical place that would:

    1. challenge him academically
    2. support his fine and gross motor delays with therapy
    3. be a place where he could have friends

    When we relocated just after my son had his neuropsych eval, he was faced with a choice. He could homeschool, as we had just started this route with his little brother. Or... he could attend the middle school in our new town, where a "nerdy" kid was hit in the head with a rock and sent to the hospital just before we moved.

    My son obviously elected to learn at home, though DH and I were concerned that this would only further isolate him from his peers. What happened next was extraordinary. My son joined the homeschool teen group, and was warmly and immediately accepted! He suddenly had more friends at one time than he had ever had before. Most years, there would be one, or maybe two at the most who might loosely be called friends. Once he came home to learn, he had more energy to put into relationships, so it was not just a case of finding sympathetic kids. He was not using up all his reserve just existing in the 30 child classroom with blinking florescent lights and lots of distracting noise. Not only did my son form close relationships with other homeschoolers, he also became friends with two kids who had been more like acquaintances at his old school. It was so beautiful to see him bloom this way. He was still socially naive and made mistakes, but he was SO happy to actually have kids he could call on the phone and ask to come over to play dungeons and dragons or watch anime.

    Does that ease any of your social concerns? Introverts need to have alone time to recharge. If they are constantly with other people, they tend to go deeper into their shells. By having alone time at home, in his comfort zone, my ds could then go out and be more proactive about mixing with other kids.


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    I second Lorel's post. Unhappy, bored, frustrated kids don't attract friends.

    Take the academics out of the equation, put the child in a supportive environment that plays to his strengths instead of bashing away at his weaknesses, and friendships are going to come MUCH more easily!

    HSers tend to be a lot more accepting of kids with a variety of "issues" as well. By the sheer fact that they're HSing, it's a group of unconventional people who accept doing things differently than most. There's a LOT less pressure on a kid to conform than I saw in public school.

    FWIW...


    Kriston
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    I have 5 year old son as well and it looks like we will hs next year. It took me a few months to get used to the idea, so I am no longer freaking out (most of the times :))

    Join a local hs group and see what they offer, when they get together and such. It helped me a lot.

    You said that you are looking into Waldorf schools, as far as I know they are not too gt friendly. For example according to their philosophy kids are not ready to learn to read before they loose their baby teeth. Well, that sure wouldn't go well with most of the gt kids. Look very carefully at their curriculum and where they would place your child before you go this way.


    LMom
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    Originally Posted by LMom
    You said that you are looking into Waldorf schools, as far as I know they are not too gt friendly. For example according to their philosophy kids are not ready to learn to read before they loose their baby teeth. Well, that sure wouldn't go well with most of the gt kids. Look very carefully at their curriculum and where they would place your child before you go this way.


    Really? How odd. What do baby teeth allegedly have to do with reading?

    I can't see how there could be any kind of connection, no matter how wrong-headed. I just can't envision any potential connection between the two.

    A failure of my imagination, or just a totally random decision on the part of the Waldorf School?

    P.S. I'm glad you found a local HS group, LMom. smile


    Kriston
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