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Maybe it's just my frustration coming through that gives this impression. This teacher is wonderful. She's been so supportive and amazing for ds. It's definitely not her that's the problem. If anything, it's just a poor school fit for ds. He has issues that have to be addressed, which they are, and I'm just not sure if this school is equipped to handle it. Thus far, however, they have been pretty incredible compared to our previous school experiences. My fear is they're close to reaching their limit with what they are able/willing to handle. I could be very wrong about that and should know more tomorrow.

The stimulants make lots of anxious kids more anxious. For ours, they were a terrible fit. For some, they work splendidly.


That's really important information, and I hope you are conveying all of it, in detail, to your doctor.

At that age, ours always responded this way too-- and it really made him feel terrible about himself because he wanted so badly to behave and earn the reward, but the pressure to succeed made him anxious, and he'd blow up, and then feel worse, which made him more anxious. Vicious circle.

I don't want you to give up on behavior modification strategies-- there are ways of helping a kid this dysregulated get a handle on his own behavior-- but it will be more complex than a star chart, and anti-anxiety meds may be necessary for a while.

An ABA therapist or a CBT therapist may be able to help you design self-regulation tasks that are small enough that he can actually achieve them, gain confidence, and then make bigger gains. Leaving it to him on an all-day basis is too hard right now, and I would find ways to take the pressure off rather than increase it, expressing understanding-- "This is hard for you right now."


I hope it goes well!

DeeDee

Do you know if the teacher is consistently good about praising your son throughout the day when he is not having outbursts? I ask because, if she's not good about telling you about the good things, maybe she's not good about telling your DS about the good things either. Perhaps sharing with her some of the Nurtured Heart techniques would be helpful. Maybe suggest a trial of concerted Nurtured Heart techniques as a specific plan to implement for a certain period of time (2 weeks? 4 weeks?) to see if they start noticing an upward trend toward better stress reactions as a as a result. That way you would be suggesting something specific and perhaps measurable, and as a side effect, would buy him more time in the class he really likes.

That reminds me, btw, of a technique I heard from a teacher on tv the other night. She would draw a smiley face on the thumbs of her students when they'd have a good day so that they could go home, give mom or dad a thumbs up, and let their parents know they'd had a good day. What about suggesting a variation on this theme for your DS. Throughout the day when the teacher catches him controlling his responses to frustrating situations, she could draw a smiley face on one of his fingers (starting with his thumbs) and he could see how many smiley faces he could collect during the day. He wouldn't lose anything when he wasn't controlling himself, but he would gain something when he was. And it would just take half a second for the teacher to silently respond in a positive way.

There is another technique/program that worked with my son called "how does your engine run" and it is usually offered via OTs. But you can look it up online to get the general idea. It is supposed to make kids more self aware of building frustration before an actual meltdown/overload occurs. Nan

Rosapina,
Did your son like going to school? Did he want to be there? Did you have an indication that he was unhappy at school before you uncovered the poor K fit with the therapist?


In hindsight, he had all of the signs of being miserable at school, but he was so miserable at home, that we actually thought he was doing great at school comparatively. He started off the year really well, making friends, and enjoying the work. After winter break, things started to go south, and by March, he was crying or just looked despondent whenever I would leave the classroom, and started to beg me to stay in the classroom every day. He also started making up stories about school that showed how anxious he was. He became so down at home that he barely played, and would get frustrated by any minor thing. It came to the point that he no longer made jokes (from a kid with a great sense of humor), and no longer pondered the big complex questions and ideas that have been the hallmark of his giftedness. After he had been in therapy for a few weeks, he gradually began to return to baseline, and we were able to advocate for him with the school so that things were at least tolerable most of the time...

Nan, some time ago we ordered the teacher's manual for How Does Your Engine Run via Interlibrary Loan. I used several ideas from there...

Dee

I think she does this, but I doubt she is able to remember to do it like we do at home. At home, we are two parents and one child. It's easy to notice times when we can praise, praise, praise. In a Montessori classroom, there is a lot of independent work time, so I don't know if she's in a position to praise like we'd suggest with the NHA.


I LOVE this idea! It is totally something that would work for ds. Immediate positive reinforcement works so well with him. I'm going to suggest it tomorrow, and I'm also going to look in to the ABA or CBT therapist.

Thanks so much!

We have this program, given to me by one of my OT friends and colleagues, and we used to use it more when he was younger. I will pull it out again, and take a look again.

Jen, I can't remember if this might have been mentioned elsewhere--does he by any chance have poop problems? DS8 (Asperger's, no ADHD) had similar meltdown difficulties for years of school, and he is a whole different kid this year since we got the poop straightened out.

I love the smile thumb too. I disagree that there isn't much to Energize in a Montessori class. Remember that energizing can be as simple as: "I see that you have your book open to page 4 and your pencil in your hand."

I know it doesn't sound flashy, but that can be enough. Remember that from the teacher every little bit is going to go a long way.

If the teacher agrees to a daily email, and then doesn't follow through, I would take matters into my own hands by sending the teacher a daily email. Of course I would use my 'perspective-taking glasses' to energize her positivity every single school day, no matter how small:
"DS was so excited about learning X in your class yesterday. We plan to praise him at the dinner table tonight. Is there something he did today at school that was positive? Thanks so much for your cooperation, this approach has really done wonders for our homelife."

Good luck with the meeting. I'm thinking of you today!
Grinity