Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion New here - trying to help my son!

Hello everyone! My son just turned 7 last week. I have worked with him on math and reading since he was about 2. He is in first grade, and easily reads at a third grade level. (He can pull off fourth grade books if he's really motivated - but his attention span wanes after 20 minutes or so). He's also doing 3 digit addition and subtraction (including "borrowing" numbers and such), and beginning multiplication. We also try to teach him about things that interest him - so far he has learned to recognize all the states on a map, all about the planets, and is working on learning about the presidents. But here's the problem - his math at school consists of counting dots, and they won't let him read above his grade level. He's in the gifted program, but that is only once a week for 40 minutes! What good does that do? Anyway, I'm looking at options for helping my son maximize his education. We have no decent private schools within an hour of here. Should I consider homeschooling? I'm concerned about his social development if I do that. Should I try to talk the school into allowing him to skip a grade? I've heard that often causes emotional issues for young children, so I don't know if that is a good option either. Any ideas, suggestions, or thoughts on this matter would be REALLY helpful, since I feel like there really is no good option for him! Thanks in advance for your help!!!

Hey Treecrit,
Do you have an IQ test results for your son? Where we live reading 2 grades above grade level in the elementary years is about 20% of the classroom - is that true where you live? Have your read '5 levels of Giftedness' by Deb Ruf? Do you have a sense of his level from his early milestones?

Does he enjoy school? Enjoy his classmates? Have you spoken to the gifted coordinator at the school? Is your son happy playing at home? Does he have neighborhood friends?

Does he do any clubs or afterschool activities that engage his interests? Is he athletic?

What happens in your home if you skip 'working on reading or math' for a few days or weeks?

Best Wishes,
Grinity

He never took an IQ test. I've been hesitant to give him one, since it isn't requires in north carolina, and because when I took one as a kid, it was used as a weapon against me if there was anything that was difficult for me. (You have a 160 IQ! There is no reason for anything less than a 100 from you!) I thought it best to just skip the IQ test entirely. Is there a good reason to get him tested?
I have no idea how the other students in his class do - the teachers are bound by really strict confidentiality rules. But his teacher did mention that he is way ahead of the rest of the class.
He likes going to school for the social aspect, and gets along well with the other kids, but despises the work. He tells me all the time that it is boring, and has yet to bring home a paper that had a single mistake on it. I firmly believe that if you aren't making mistakes, you aren't learning.
I had a conference with his teacher and the AIG teacher - she had very little to say. But he does have fun playing at home and with the other kids in the neighborhood.
He does tae kwon do - will probably test for black belt within the next 2-3 months. He also played little league baseball last year, and wants to do it again next spring.
If we skip his reading and math, he doesn't forget them, if that's what you're asking. BUt after a couple of days of not doing it, he starts asking when we are going to do it again. Sometimes I give him a break and wait until he asks, just to make sure I'm not overdoing it. It rarely takes more than three days.

Hello Treecritter,

On the topic of homeschooling, I say, "Go for it!" Admittedly, I am biased toward homeschooling. We've been homeschooling for years and love, Love, Looooove it!

The most difficult part is deciding what to use for curriculum and what to do for fun/social activities. This is because there so much to choose from! What a great predicament to be in! There are also plenty of free curricula options and you can build your own, too. So the monetary investment can be as little or as much as you choose for this.

The same goes for social activities. Depending on where you live there may be a variety of homeschool groups, co-ops and other community based activities. I recommend finding a group and connecting for a regular Park Date, as a starting point. Also, you don't have to stick with *just* homeschool activities for "socialization".

For example, my kids are involved in community sports and choir and those two activities meet four times a week (between the two of them), and are not part of a homeschool group. For homeschool based activities my daughter attends a homeschool Girl Scout Troop, both kids have group piano lessons, a co-op, arts & crafts, and at least one park date a week. Then we spend time at museums, visiting with friends, on field trips, and just being "out" doing "stuff".

The best thing of all is that *nothing* is set in stone! If the curricula isn't a good fit, we change it. If my kids finish their math for an entire year in a few months, we move on. We don't have to stop and wait or feel awkward doing two or three years of subject in one year. My kids can dig as deeply into a subject as their interests take them.

The same applies to social activities. We can change things at any time. It's harder if it's a "for fee" class/sport, (only because we've spent money) but sometimes, if it truly isn't a good fit, we'll move on. (We'd, probably, do this anyway, if our kids were in a regular school.)

If something doesn't work, we can change it, create our own, etc. We don't have to wait for someone *else* to decide that things are *bad enough* to change/accelerate. As the person primarily in charge of my children's education, I can adjust it as needed based on my interactions with them and their input.

I say try it for a year and then go from there. You may decide that it's what you want to do for the long run. Or you may find a better placement/school for your son after that year. Who knows? The beauty is that *you* get to decide.

Hope this helps,

MM

This is the number one reason to get an IQ test done, even if you do it privately and pay out of pocket. It really helps sort out the kids who NEED a skip from the ones who are great at 'doing school' and filling parental ego needs. It's also great to hear from a professional "If you want to keep your kid in school, then he NEEDS, a skip." My son needed a skip, finally got it, got a lot out of it, and then decelerated by starting 9th grade again at a different school. That is mostly a success story, because I was eventually able to get him into classrooms that were a reasonable challenge for him.

You can downloaded to read actual research on acceleration.

You can also read excerpts online of a very good book

I am so sorry that your IQ score was used against you. This is always a possiblity as people are very confused about this whole issue. But I think that if you read the above books, that you will be an advocate for your child, and the danger of this happening all over again is much less. Think about it - did you have an advocate in that situation? Was so much a problem of you Score being used against you, or a problem of their being no one to support and defend you against this mistake? Thanksfully, we have come a long, long way!

Grinity

I think it was both, Grinity. I had some awesome teachers in high school who tried to challenge me, but still understood that everyone had SOMETHING that was tough for them. But some of the others, and my mom, didn't see it that way. Therein lies the problem - my mom was constantly setting ridiculous expectations for me so I was all but sure to fail. As a result, by about 8th grade I got sick of failing and stopped trying. So the straight A's that I was getting with minimal effort fell to C's and I lost all drive to do anything that required effort for fear that I wouldn't be able to do it right. I don't want to be that parent - I want to encourage him and push him to do his best, but not push so hard, he loses interest. Still working on finding that balance.

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I don't know whether N. Carolina has this option, but our district in NM allows homeschooling parents to have their children come to school for specific classes such as PE, music, art, computer, etc. It gives the kids a chance to socialize with neighborhood kids in their school so that they're part of a school community without forcing them to participate in the full day of brick-and-mortar classes.

I second the recommendation that you get an IQ score; the more facts you have to support your requests, the more likely you'll be met with success.

It's really hard to give what you weren't given, but those teachers who truly saw you for who you are give me hope that you will be able to be a better parent to your child. I sort of question if As with minimal effort are really so much better than Cs...sooner or later it catches up and I'll bet you found more interesting things to do with your time while you were getting Cs.

((shrugs and more shrugs))
Grinity