Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy I feel like a pushy hothouser

Can I vent? My DD started K this year, and I feel like I've gone from being #1 advocate of play-based learning to high-powered childhood destroying hothousing freak.

I feel like everyone around me thinks that school is just for playing and I'm trying to force academics. But, I'm not really. Why can't challenging and interesting concepts be presented in a fun playful way? I can do it at home. And what is so wrong with learning how to learn?

And to piggyback a question onto my vent: I need to ask the teacher to look more closely at my child. Should I do it in person or by email? I've hinted, but the hint didn't take. Her abilities are pretty quirky.

Welcome to Kindergarten. I had to laugh reading your post because I felt the same way when DD8 started. When DD6 started Kindergarten I took a totally different approach. Instead of dropping hints and waiting for the school to do something, I had her privately assessed. I met with the principal in the spring before she started and asked for subject acceleration backed up by the test results. This allowed her to have play time with her age mates while learning more challenging and interesting concepts with children in the next grade up.

I've found like the insurance company, schools are more likely to act in response to a written letter rather than e-mail or conversation. Good luck!

Like you and Inky, I've had similar experiences. I can divide them into phases:

First phase (Cluelessness): Before we had kids, my husband and I resolved that our kids would not do academics before they were six. Early childhood was for playing with clay and drawing and running around outside!! We could not believe that some people would teach their kids how to read when they were four or five!


Second phase (Naivete): This phase began on the day our three-year old son toddled up to my husband and asked him to teach him "how to wead." We started lessons and it turned out he already knew most of the letter sounds and what vowels were. I think it is safe to say that we forgot about our resolution very quickly.

Sometime in the midst of this stage, it came time to go to school. We found a wonderful little school for him, where every child was valued and worked to his/her greatest potential (tm)! School was going to be great!


Third phase (Realityness): This phase began the day before DS's first day at that wonderful school where he would be valued to his greatest potential. I told his teacher he could read, and she looked at me like I was speaking Martian to her. Things went downhill from there.

Most (most) of the teachers at my son's first school didn't call us pushy. However, one hinted that he should be medicated because he wouldn't sit still. (As a side topic, it's fascinating when teachers blame the kid because they aren't challenging him.)

Chin up Talullah; it's no fun, but at least you aren't alone!

Val

Sigh. I wanted to let the teacher think she'd made a huge discovery.

The sad thing is that I really really appreciate the structure of the day, and the general way the teacher does things in a really developmentally appropriate intro to school way. Her classroom is truly a half-way point between school and preschool. I just want it to be learning through play instead of just play, you know?

I'd rather be alone. I could taunt you all about how when I went to the classroom the first time the teacher had the other kids pasting squares to make a mosaic, but mine had to tile them in a repeating pattern and calculate how many squares she'd need beforehand. And when they were making sets of ten with manipulatives she was figuring out the factors of ten with manipulatives. And it was so mundane the teacher hadn't even needed to consult about it.

But not, unfortunately.

I was just thinking this same thing. People think we force academics on our kids, meanwhile they are the ones yearning to learn. Why do people assume academics is something our kids dread. My DS7 loves the CTY reading class. Any teacher would say stop pushing him, let him play etc. Meanwhile he has more free time than anyone in the class because he doesn't study at all. We have to let it go in one ear and out the other.

Wow...okay. I apologize if I offended you. I wasn't trying to be rude or glib. Sometimes humor can help people feel better about difficult situations, but I obviously failed here. Not sure why you need to taunt us about your child's abilities (?).

But if you want to be alone, what's the point of posting here? What do you want?

Val

I recommend to be glad that it's just play. Some preschools get way into 'reading readiness' with for a lot of kids here becomes - spend a lot of time 'learning' what you already know.

How many hours a week is this program?
Grinity

Val, I think you're misreading Tallulah completely. I think what she's saying is that she'd happily deal with feeling alone if it was because she was the only person whose child was getting an appropriate education; she'd rather be in that situation than in a crowd along with lots of people who are dissatisfied with what school is doing. Right T?

FWIW, you wouldn't be alone even then - there are quite a few of us with very good school experiences for our DC. We may not talk as much as those who are currently unhappy, though!

I was thinking the same thing as ColinsMum. I've also transitioned from one of the unhappy to the happy thanks to the support of this board as I've worked through the issues.

I won't taunt you guys, although I hope to be haPpy. I'm here two years before schoool starts taking notes so that whatever trouble I face I will remember how another family has solved that problem. I did tease my mom and told her about this place. I said all the mothers have the Internet now and can ask each others advice in similar places. How much easier would your motherhood time have been? I told her specifically about a thread where a dozen mothers have admitted to grounding their dc (who read 30 books a week) from reading. She loves to tell of an arguement we had, "how can you ground me from reading!? All the other mothers WANT their kids to read!"

I have to agree with Tracygyns, "hothousing" assumes kids naturally dread learning or are trying to avoid it. Pure nonsense. Let it go in one ear out the other.

La Texican, my parents would have done the same things, because they were the things they were told to do then. Grade skips and special schools were seen as a sign of social death. It was the norm to just have kids read once they'd finished their work. They just didn't have the info then they do now.

Oh, no, sorry!!!! I didn't take you as being rude or glib! I was being self-pitying. I don't want to be different. I just want to send my kid off to school and have them do it all for me. I want them to take care of it without me having to lift a finger. I would love to be able to taunt you about the teacher's abilities, not my childs (which are no different than anyone else's child here). I'm sorry I offended you

yes! That's what I meant! Thank you for clarifying for me before I got back here.

Phew. Thanks Tallulah and all! No offense taken and hopefully none given.

Yes, I would love for all the schools to take care of (most of) our kids education.

Val