Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Advocating Stinks

First, I just want to welcome you to the board. We have some great people on here that have a lot of experience and should be able to give you some help. Just sorry that it was for advocating that isn't working that brought you to us.

I agree with inky in that you need to make 'official' requests that cover you. Put everything in writing. And request all responses back to be in writing. Even if they stop you in the hall to give you the answer, ask that they email/write you the information. Or quickly go home and send them an email with the information that you talked about under the idea of I just wanted to clarify.

If we knew what state you lived in it would help us understand the state laws. You might live in a state of mandatory gifted but have a district that isn't following the rules. Even though your son's results were not at his true abilities they seem like they meet gifted requirements to be in a gifted program. Do you know your schools requirements? I would start with that angle to get him in the pull out. It definitely looks like their program is more of a popularity one. I would question it too if the majority of the kids in the pull out were teachers' children.

Each state should have a gifted association. IE. I live in Texas and ours is the Texas gifted and talented association. You could look it up for your state and give them a call. I talked to mine here and came away feeling that they not only know individual districts but seem to have some good contacts within and around the district to help advocate.


I understand the guilt and my heart really goes out to you and your son. Reasons why it is a big problem: HG+ kids are high risk kids for drop out, drug use, suicide, and not reaching their full potential. They need to be challenged... they need to learn to learn. Your son isn't getting that opportunity while in this school and you are seeing the effects of this. Some gifted kids will become disruptive while others will fade into the background. Your son looks to be fading into the background. Advocating is one of the hardest things to take on but it is also so important.

And last ... do you have an options other than this district? Are there Charter schools, private schools, gifted schools or even homeschooling options in your area? Look at every option and see if you can find a better fit for your son.

I also feel like I should inform you that my DD is not 'school' age yet. She is 4 and is in preschool. We started her in a social preschool and realized almost immediately that it wasn't a good fit. By the end of the 2nd month I was scrabbling, looking for another school. We enrolled her in a private Spanish Immersion program which is a challenge with just the language but the school is also ahead academically by 2 years. It isn't considered a 'gifted' school but it's challenging. She is now in the 4 year old class and goes full time. Besides Spanish she also has classes in French and Mandarin. Before enrolling her I asked about acceleration and they are very open to it. When she shows mastery of the classroom work they will test her and go from there. Of course this is mastery in Spanish.

So even though my child is not school age I still have had a peek into what issues we would be dealing with. I have learned that she needs to be challenged and we are hoping she stays challenged where she is at and if she isn't challenged I hope that they follow through with their promises OR we will be looking for another school.

Thanks Inky, I knew I had heard it before

I feel for you. I completely suck in advocating. I couldn't even make a Montessori school do what I wanted even though they themselves told me that DS (5 at that time) was an exceptionally smart student. Math was ok, but I couldn't get anywhere with LA (different teacher). You know like have DS study more difficult spelling words than just cat, hat, and lake. Never mind that he could spell at the 4th grade level at that time.

We are homeschooling. It's much easier and less stressful than my unsuccessful attempts to advocate.

So glad you have found us.

When I got overwhelmed, at the beginning of last year (thank goodness for this site), I jotted down some notes to myself about how to break down what I needed to do. I actually think as a board we could write a "steps to take when you start to advocate for your gifted kid" info sheet. I am not sure these are in any correct order, many you would do many steps at the same time, but hopefully they will give you some direction and help.

As Momma Bear pointed out, my step 1 is to find out what you are entitled to. Are you in a state with a mandate, does that mandate have any teeth (I'm in a state with a mandate but no funding, so unless I am willing to sue, which I most likely would not be willing to do, I'm stuck). What are your state and district policies on gifted education - you can usually find these online. What policies (written and unwritten) does the school have? What is great about this step is it gives you something concrete to do - good for those of us who need to take action to feel effective.

Step 2 is to think about whether there is testing or retesting that will help with the advocacy effort. Sometimes it is something the district should do, or you have IQ test results but the school wants achievement. For example, as Onthegomom states, maybe it would be worth it to test your son next spring on WISC now that he is older and more likely to stay engaged for the entire test. Maybe he will hit DYS levels and you can get some help that way. However, if your child is in the 99th % he is gifted by any definition. The tests you did may not matter to the school, but they should give you the confidence to know that what you are asking for is not irrational and that he needs more to have an adequate education.

Step 3, in my opinion, is to build relationships within the school and district. Talk to people, find out who the decision makers are, find out what the district/school has done in the past. Get to know some parents of special education children if you don't already, and learn about advocacy from them. If someone says the school has "never" done something, keep it in mind, but don't believe it is an absolute bar. Believe, even though it is difficult , that until proven otherwise, the school wants to help your child, but that there are barriers in theway of the school/princiapl too. There are many many stories on this board where something once deemed impossible became possible. Read them and try to stay positive (maybe that is step 3(b)?)

Step 4 - decide, based on 1-3 above, what you want to ask for. Consider everything from full skips, to subject acceleration, to pull-outs, online learning, even differentiation. Grinity says, and I agree, that if you are pretty sure about what the right answer is, ask for twice as much as you want, or at minimum, what you really think you should get - don't water it down. Be explicit. Be realistic. If you are less sure, you may want to take it in steps. Your first request might be simply for them to test your son on the 2nd and 3rd grade math and LA curriculum.

If you are backed by state or district law or policy, say so. You can ask for it informally the first time, but expect for them to ignore your request or drag their feet. Be willing to spend some time on the informal process, because you may maintain good will if you can work it out that way. However, don't let it drag on. Ten business days is sufficient time for a response - if you don't hear back within that amount of time, be ready to send a formal letter stating what you want and why you are entitled to it to the principal. If that formal letter doesn't do it, send a second letter with copies to the appropriate higher ups (the super. or even board of ed. members in some cases, in some districts it might just be a curriculum supervisor). At that point, I would likely send each copy certified, and if you are protected by state or district policies, cite the provisions, explain why they apply to you, explain what you want and why you are entitled to it. Once again, parents of special needs kids have to do this sort of thing all the time (although in some cases the process is more clear).

Step 5 - consider other options. Homeschool, private school, etc. In my case, I felt fairly certain that the district really did care about my child, they just needed way more convincing than I thought was reasonable. However, I def. started learning more about homeschooling while I was advocating, and started doing a bit of research on private schools. Since private schools would have required me to go back to work full time, they were a very unlikely long term option, but we did consider them as a way to have DS skip a year or two if we decided that was the best option and the public school wouldn't do it.

Step 6- take care of yourself and give yourself time. For most of us, grade skips and/or subject acceleration was a year-long or multi-year process. It is also a work in progress. Do as Daytripper suggests, get support from a partner, spouse, friend or here.

Good luck,

Cat

I get it. It's hard, it's a pain, but it is so worth it. We finally got a great placement for DS7, but it was a lot of work. It is still work due to his 2e-ness (1 1/2 hour meeting with 12 "experts" last week...another one today at 3pm) but it IS do-able.

We have had advocates come with us to meetings which is very helpful. That way you don't get overwhelmed or "bullied." The advocate can calmly state things that would bring tears to your eyes if you had to say it. The special ed advocate is also a gifted advocate since gifted falls in the same category in our school system. (They don't call it special ed, they call it exceptional student education). So maybe you can look in that department for an advocate for you and your child.

Nan

Hi TiredMommy- I love the advice you've gotten. Yes - you child is gifted. And sure they school will act like being gifted is no big deal, because for 2/3 of gifted kids it probably is truly 'no big deal' in some districts. The problem is that what we call 'Levels of Gifted' - and what is fine for a kid who is 125-130 Gifted, which is the majority, just doesn't come anywhere near close for some kids with IQs like yours. Of course it depends so much on the personality of the child, and the teacher and the classmates.

I do disagree that HG kids are 'high risk' for all those terrible things. I think that HG kids do get in trouble, probably at about the same frequency as kids to overall, but that for HG kids, spending years being bored at school is a direct contributer to the problems they do have. I would frame it more as a 'common decency' question. The other 2nd graders get to come to school and have both the excitement of learning something new and the growth of work ethic from learning hard things on a regular basis. Why shouldn't your kid get that too? If it's important for the other kids, they why isn't it important to your kid?

You school probably has a motto, and you may want to look it up and refer to it often. The official motto probably isn't 'teaching all kids to get by with the bare minimum.'

In the end, the school may just plain not give you what you think is needed. We had to switch school, get a gradeskip, enjoy that for a while, then switch schools and reverse the gradeskip. Because it's pretty normal for HG and PG kids to keep changing and growing and needing different things at different times - so flexability is the name of the game!

I think we did a great job of reviewing the basics! Go Us! The whole process is much easier if tapes of 'you always were selfish as an elementary student and we didn't care then and we don't care now' are drowned our by our group of voices saying: 'Trust your Mom-gut!' and 'Your child is worth it!' and 'It matters!'
Love and More Love,
Grinity

Thank you all for everything you wrote. It was all valuable and helpful, even the "yea, it is hard!" comments.

I don't feel as alone and discouraged as I've felt the last few weeks.

Several of you have asked where we live. We are in Maryland. In our particular district, there are no charter schools or gifted/magnet schools. Our district is proud of their schools and publish test scores that are nothing short of phenomenal. Sixty percent of the district participates in some level of gifted programming. I'm saying all this with sarcasm.
I believe the downside to living in utopia where every child is above average, is that there isn't a real interest in truly above-level kids. I've called the BOE GT department. I was told that GT doesn't start until 3rd grade so I just need to work with the teacher.

The pull-outs that happen are called "enrichment" and are based on teacher nomination. GT doesn't want to get involved in the selection because it really isn't GT, it is just enrichment.

Thank you again for all the wisdom I've gleaned. I'm going to continue reading this thread every time I start to feel down.

One more question: I've contacted several educational advocates who have said they only work with special needs. But, I was looking at Hopkins CTY and it looks like they do some advocacy work. Has anyone worked with them in this capacity?

Since you're in Maryland, you may want to check out the More Child blog. There is contact information and a post about John Hopkins CTY.
http://themorechild.com/about/

Sounds like the teachers are gaming the system to benefit themselves and their own and no one else. That's pretty bad.

It really comes down the what the school and state policies are. If they have objective standards and are not following them then they can be open to a lawsuit or and investigation by the state.

You can take the battle to the next level or look for a school that has objective standards. ( Your kiddo would be admitted to a number of programs in Texas based solely on test scores alone.)

In the meantime, maybe you can work with him and build up his self-worth since the school and the teachers have to work hard to squash his and yours to hide the scummy thing they are doing.

Welcome! And you're certainly not alone. I don't know of anyone who has not had to work at least a little to try to find appropriate placement for their GT kiddo.

Since your school gave you the "we don't have GT until 3rd grade" line, I'll share my experience. Our school also had no formal GT until 3rd, but we approached the Gifted Coordinator before our DS entered the school system with our concerns. We approached it as asking for help "We've got these crazy scores, and a kid who taught himself to read at 3 - can you help us figure out what to do with him?" The GT staff hopefully should be familiar with levels of giftedness, and hopefully they will help you in your advocacy. In our case, the GT Coordinator acted as a liaison with the principal, and convinced the school that our DS needed more.

Even though things seemed to have gone smoothly in that the school recognized that our DS was different, it took a long time for anything to happen. What finally really helped was the school tested our DS using their own tests (in our case the WJ and MAP). Then they really got it, and started to differentiate. At the end of kindy last year, we also had to do some advocacy to get a grade skip for our DS, because they told us he was at least 2 years ahead in math and reading, but they were planning to put him in 1st with differentiation. We provided the school with a copy of the Iowa Acceleration Scale (a great form that considers the many different factors of skipping to determine if your child would be a good candidate). http://www.accelerationinstitute.org/Resources/IAS.aspx
The school filled it out and finally agreed to the skip. Our DS still needs differentiation even with the skip. We plan to be advocates for a long time!

Good luck, and please post all your questions along the way. Someone will help!