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I posted on other threads about dd9 earlier in the year. We were preparing to take her out of 5th grade to homeschool, but wound up keeping her at the same school due to some serious assistance from the GT coordinator who really likes dd.

Dd was already in the GT reading class and seems to be doing well in there this year. She got a B in the GT reading class in 4th grade, I'm sure somewhat due to doing the mere minimum and somewhat due to reading being her weakest subject. I wasn't horribly concerned either way and she seems likely to have an A at this point in that class.

This year, she is being subject accelerated into a 6th grade math class taught by the same teacher. The school year started off well with dd's MAPs scores in both reading and math having come up significantly from the end of last year and her having done quite well in math class on the first unit. The GT teacher told me that she was doing really well at P-T conferences.

Dd's confidence has soared; she has a new group of friends; other than one test she brought home on which she got a C+ and on which she told me that she understood the mistakes she had made, all seemed well.

So, come yesterday, I get a call at home from the same GT teacher. Dd is apparently not turning in work, spending much of class time talking with other kids, and not paying attention in class. Her overall class grade is now hovering around a C+. As the teacher and I discussed, we aren't necessarily expecting an A right off the bat, but dd doesn't appear to be trying and part of her low grade is lack of effort and lack of completing work.

The initial plan had been to keep her in the class if the work was too hard and have her work independently on EPGY in order to save her the embarrassment of moving back to the 5th grade class. That, however, was a back up plan if dd was working and couldn't do it. I see no reason why she cannot do the work. She is hiding things from us and not asking for help when she doesn't know something. She has a persecution complex where she insists that we are yelling at her if we even try to explain something to her and she blames everyone else for her problems or tells me "so and so got a 79% too," which is true but irrelevant to her situation.

I did, of course, have a good talk with her last night and went over one small piece of math with which she needed some assistance. She seemed to understand it quickly once I explained it, but it is hard to trust her b/c she has been lying to us and seems to find it shameful to not understand anything or have to do any work.

She should be able to be at a B easily by the end of the quarter in 2.5 weeks if she starts doing the work and doesn't bomb the last test, which is what I told her both the teacher and I expect for her to stay in this class.

I am not sure what bothers you, the grades or the lying?

It seems that she can do the work but the trend is that she is not motivated to do her best. That would be the problem I would focus on and try and solve.

Ren

Yes, that's exactly what is bothering me. She is abusing the privilege she has been given and she wants the positive accolades that come with being accelerated, but she doesn't want to work for it. She just wants everything handed to her. It is a personality characteristic that is not at all positive and which we have had a really hard time combatting. Putting her in non-accelerated classes hasn't worked either b/c it reinforces in her mind that she is stupid and her achievement scores sink. She feels better about herself and gets higher achievement scores when in advanced classes, but she is unwilling to do the work.

I think what you are experiencing is her new found friendships and socialization taking priority over the work. I'm reading between the lines here but from what you wrote it seems that this is new to her and perhaps last year she didn't really have any close friends or if she did they were not to the level of excitement that she is experiencing now with the older kids. We all know it isn't uncommon for GT kids to be attracted to older kids and it looks like your daughter is one of those and is focusing her attention on that. So and so who got the 79% might be one of her new close friends and she might be sabotaging herself to ensure she stays in the good graces of her friends. She doesn't want to be the best for fear that she will alienate her new friends?

My angle of approach would be to talk about it and help her make the connections that if she doesn't perform she won't be in the class with her new friends.

Dd is very, very extroverted which I have come to recognize as making this all a lot more difficult for us. She has never had friends at this school and, yes, this is the first year where she is being accepted by the "smart" kids and has a group of friends she really enjoys not just kids she hangs out with in order to avoid being alone at lunch. And, yes, the other kid who get a 79% on that one test is her new best friend.

Oh Cricket, I feel your pain. This has to be a hard position to be in. (I'm pretty sure I did this to my parents.)

Really, at this point, what are the options you have?
- DD could stay in the class, regardless.
- You could keep her in the class and communicate with the teacher on a daily basis so DD can't hide things. This could be ramped down as she improves her study skills.
- DD could be moved back to her other class.
- DD could be "sentenced" to EPGY.

Either of the last two options would separate her from her new friends, and not necessarily be the best fit educationally.

Maybe she needs to understand that she's putting you in this position and that if she wants to stay in the class with her friends, she needs to work for it. This may not work with your DD, but I know it will for some kids.

This is hard, but being challenged now will give her better study skills later on.

I believe, having spoken with the teacher, that EPGY is off the table. That was for if dd worked hard and couldn't keep up (to avoid the embarrassment). B/c she isn't working hard and her grades are suffering due to goofing off (plus she's creating problems for other kids by talking to them throughout class), her options right now are as follows:
- Bring her grade up to a B or get it awfully close and show the teacher that she is working hard to improve and stay in the class; or
- Go back to the straight 5th grade math class.

I think if I were her, it would be worth it to me to put some work in to get to stay with my friends.

You could ask DD what she needs from you in order to help her. That would open the door to daily communication with the teacher. But I'd make it clear it's her decision and her responsibility. If she hides things or doesn't do the work.....

Sounds like she needs to know the rules and the boundaries. Does the teacher enforce boundaries in class or has DD been skating because she doesn't feel that it matters to the teacher? Sometimes kids may need it explained that following the rules matters, even if it doesn't look like it does. Conflicting signals may have led her astray.

Good Luck!

I hope that it is worth it for her. I believe that it is, but she has somewhat of a victim mentality where she thinks that there is nothing she can do to make stuff work -- it must just be too hard and she isn't smart enough b/c she can't get an A without paying attention and doing the work. That really bothers me and is something we have been working on for some time.

The teacher has, apparently, spoken with her but said that she does handle dd in a "gingerly" fashion. I suspect that is b/c dd cries when confronted and is sensitive. She really does feel bad, but she doesn't have enough of an internal locus of control to feel like she has the power to change things when it appears to me that the control lies entirely with her.

I'll let you know in a few weeks how the quarter ended.

I haven't read it yet, but I will - thanks ! I just majored in Sociology and Public Health in undergrad and grad school so I took enough classes that dealt with health beliefs and psychological ideas that I'm familiar with the concept of locus of control.