Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Skipping from 2y to 3y Preschool class,should we?

DS23mos started preschool this week at a school for advanced
kids. We went last week for the transition week and he and I both loved it. The first day was okay, he cried a little when
he was dropped off but was fine when we watched him on the monitor before leaving. Yesterday his teacher said he cried on
and off all day and today he totally freaked out! He started
screeching when we turned into the parking lot and completely lost it when we entered his room and two other kids were crying. He just can't handle the noise level and chaos.

The Director offered to move him to the 3yo class. He could academically probably handle being in Kindergarten, including writing.
His reading is at least 2nd grade level. He has advanced
Social skills and plays cooperatively with other kids.
Our worry is his size, he is still a toddler and he is a skinny little guy. He is taken aback by a 2yo bully in his
class who is his size so I don't know how he would handle
having to stand his ground with 3 year olds.

We expected to have to deal with grade skipping later on but not this early. Does any one have experience with a similar situation or an opinion? Any advice would be appreciated!

We went through this same debate with my now DS6, and we're starting it again with DS28m. Here's my 2 cents.

I think the question is what, if anything, do you expect him to gain from his preschool experience? If you don't think he has anything more to learn at a 2 or 3 year old level, do you really need to send him to preschool at all? Would that time be more productive in playdates, co-ops, and other social enrichment classes?

We debated sending DS6 to 3 year old preschool when he turned 3 because we didn't think there was anything he'd gain (especially after watching him in action with his peers at a 2 year old mommy-and-me preschool). It turned out that sending him was one of the best things we ever did. His teacher had 20 years of experience, and she was a Godsend. She clearly recognized his gifts (pushed us for IQ testing, which is how we came around to YS), but also opened our eyes to "regular" 3 year old skills that he could continue to use (ie how to put his coat on by himself and zipper it!, how to play with others when they didn't want to (or couldn't) do the same complex play you wanted them to, etc). Since it was a Catholic school, he did learn some new things like prayers, plus sign language, etc. The greatest thing, though, is that he had a wonderful time, made good friends, and enjoyed some of the simple preschool pleasures that just comes from that age. When he wasn't in preschool, we spent hours every day engaged in field trips, enrichment classes (music, art, etc),and/or playdates with friends, or just had fun with projects and play around the house. I often placed him in higher level groups for challenging activities like nature and zoo camp and library class, but didn't want to get into the whole acceleration issue with school since I knew it wouldn't make any big difference whether he started a little early or had that extra time with me.

We took DS's 2nd semester of 4 year old preschool off when we moved. He was far beyond the regular 4 year old curriculum, and it didn't make sense to spend $300/month for it when he wouldn't have been happy w/ his peers by that point. Pulling him didn't hurt him one bit, since he placed at a 2nd-3rd grade level when he entered K a few months later.

DS28months is in a different situation. He's also likely HG/PG, so we're in the same decision-making process again. He is going to start a 2 1/2 hour preschool co-op one day a week (where I co-teach 1 of the hours), sit in on DS6's co-op 1ce a week where they are doing science, spanish, music, etc., and he has his own playgroup once a week. Since we usually do some kind of field trip once a week, too, I don't really think he needs a regular preschool program. However, I do like the idea of him getting some kind of classroom exposure, so I'm considering putting him in a 3-6 year old Montessori 2 mornings a week next year.

The bottom line with preschool is that children go for the fun and socialization (which any kid can always benefit from). If they are advanced, just about everything they are learning comes from "homeschooling" anyhow. At this age, it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to go out and buy workbooks, but they'll get much more from us with playdough, cutting/pasting/painting/writing at home as they would in just about any 2-4 year old classroom. If DS likes to go to school, I'd probably place him with his age peers for now and consider it a fun type of playgroup.

This was pretty much our conclusion. He gets stuff at school he does not get at home.

Mr W (2y7m) will be moved to true Pre-K in a few days with 4 year olds, skipping the 3 year olds. He needed a transition time with his peers and now he is ready.

I really don't know what your local options are but when we were looking for a daycare for DD we really wanted a multi-age one. We lucked out and found one that goes from ages 0-12. They don't do any academics there (also something we didn't want) but she's really enjoyed having the older (and even younger kids) around.

She's a kid who needs A LOT of stimulation and is very social so having all those kids around has helped a lot with her sleep problems. It's also just heart warming because she has a little friend there who she goes up to and hugs and says "hello" to first thing in the morning when she goes. It's also in a third language, which has evened out the playing field a bit (most of the kids there have been speaking it from birth whereas she's only heard it passively from me speaking with friends but never talking directly to her).

I'm not someone who is of the belief that kids need preschool at this age so if I wasn't working she'd probably just be at home with me and we'd sign her up for activities that she'd enjoy. Especially since there is such a difference in levels if he's reading at the 2nd grade level already, it'll be hard for him even if you move him up. I think it depends on what they do there. If they're doing more fine motor skills stuff (and he's not particularly ahead on that), it might not be such of an issue but if they are doing stuff like colors and letters he'll probably be bored either way.

Also, do give it some adjustment time. It took DD 2 weeks to be ok with going to daycare and those two weeks were ROUGH. However, she is happy there now, even if there are some tears right after I leave in the morning. Any transition like this will take time.

If he is crying in the 2yo class why do you expect the 3yo class to be different?
My son had a hard time adjusting to PreK at age 2.5-3 so we pulled him out and tried again at 4. Giving my son a little extra time to mature really made HUGE a difference. Now he loves preschool, whereas a year ago he was melting down in the parking lot and crying his way through the day.
Ofcourse if you have to work, you may not have the option, but bear in mind that the older class may be less tolerant of crying and meltdowns. Good luck I know its hard!

How awful! That sounds so sad. I feel bad that your hopes were raised and now they are dashed.



Did the Director say 'why' she thought a move might work?

Based on what you say about advanced social skills, I think a move might work. When my son was young, I worked, and spent a lot of time picking the 'just right' center. Looking back, it seems like being with agemates instead of kids who were of similar social skill level was hard on him, and I believe I see a connection between that experience and his 'skeptical' current worldview. I think that a multiage group would have been ideal, with a 'gradeskip' to the older room a close second best. We didn't have access to a enter/school for 'advanced' kids.



First of all. I don't think that 3 year olds group together and attack the way older bullys do. I just don't think that they have the capasity - I could be wrong, but try to get the picture of a group of 3 year olds ganging up on you sweetie. There may be one 'hard to handle kid' in the group, but there will also be many potential friends in the group as well. I don't think that they will reject your son because of the age difference.

It's up to the teacher and the school to keep their eyes open and have open communication with you if a particular child is giving your child a hard time. If you can trust them to be open with how things are going, then I believe it is safe. I think that older children are more likely to be safe because they can 'use their words.' My son was bitten by a child in the same-age group (in the 18-24 months group) and I figure if I wanted him to have the benifits of contact with other children, then I had better be willing to take some risks too. It turned out to be a very specific senario that brought on the biting behaior - she bit when it was her turn to go down the slide and some other child got too close as she was climbing the stairs. I talked to DS about it, and the teachers kept close watch.

If the teachers were less open, or less vigalent, then I would have moved him to a different center.


I think the only choices you have are:
1) Bring him back home and try again when he's older
2) Try a different center, if that doesn't work, then #1
3) Try the older classroom, and if that doesn't work, then #2

I don't see a downside to trying option #3 - right now - before the Director changes her mind! (It's very unusual to find a Preschool Director who is open to placing a kid in an older age group, let alone to suggest it!)

You can always 'decelerate' later if it seems like a good idea.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Because 3 year olds can be a better social match for a gifted 2 year old. It's hard on a young child to initiate social interaction and be rebuffed. This happened to my son in the 3 year old room, and he was 'macho' enough at that point not to cry during the day about it, but he cried often about it at home with me.
My DS also resented the way teachers talk to little kids,(his age) and prefered the way the teachers acted around older children.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I'm worrying about these issues a little with Hanni, who starts preschool next week. In our favor, she likes kids of all ages and stages. One of her friends is a few months younger and developmentally quite behind her, and she adores her.

It may be different, though, if it's nine other kids who are behind her, and group activities and teacher expectations geared to that level. I worry about the teachers talking down to her, like Grinity describes.

Just trying to breathe, and wait and see. Another point in our favor is that she is at the very youngest end of the range for that room, so there may be a few kids who can give her a run for her money! I'm hoping for at least one kid as verbal as she is.

So interesting to hear what others are dealing with!

It's always possible. Breathing is good. Being at the youngest of the age range is good. And every kid has a different personality. A child with a higher EQ may be able to 'take the good and leave the rest' at a younger age than a child who is more normal in that way.

I think second borns have an advantage if they have an older sibling who is 'like them' to help them feel more secure inside in being who they are.

Keep breathing,
Grinity