Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Pushing an almost Kindergartner to read

Hi Everyone,

My ds just turn 5 in August and is starting Kindergarten this year. He is very stubborn and can manipulate adults to do almost everything for him by pretending that he is not able to do certain things and arguing his way out of doing things. He has therapy for speech, gross and fine motor and therefore we have not pushed him until lately as he has improved a lot in these area. I am a kindergarten teacher and you would think I would know what to expect for him this coming year and would therefore not be quite so apprehensive but I work for a private special education school so it is very different from public kindergarten. The thing I'm worried about is that ds will develop a habit of underperforming and will not preserve and face challenges.

For example, ds began reading at 3 and used to love books but always wanted us to read to him instead. At 4, he read Frog and Toad to his grandmother but we didn't even know he could read that well. This entire year we have been trying to get him to read to us and he will read a sentence here or there but usually not without some persuasion. Now he is about to start kindergarten and I know that the kindergarten teacher will do a reading assessment but ds might not read for her and then he will end up reading at a level much below what he is capable of learning. This week I thought it would be good to sit down with him and make him show me what he can do and practice reading so that he doesn't under perform during the assessment. I used a program call raz kids and which he reads a book and gets to earn stars and then the program has items which he can buy with the stars earned. Yesterday was his first day and his reading was a bit choppy but he read a J leveled book and today he read again and he read a L book quite well and fluently with just 3 words he didn't know. He understood what he was reading too. So now I know he can read at least at a second grade level but he only read half the book and had to stop until I coerced him to finish the book. So this is my question, do I push him or do I make sure the school pushes him or do I just leave it? I love to hear your opinions. I do apologize for the sloppy writing and non editing. I am having some eyesight problems . Thanks in advanced!

IMHO, reading should not be about pushing yourself to read the most challenging material you are capable of, but about enjoying what you read. If it's clear that he is not going to have problems learning to read, I wouldn't worry about what he's reading or what level the teacher thinks he is at, personally. He may decide that he'd enjoy reading harder books, and if he does I'm sure the teacher will provide harder books for him to read. Until then, perhaps it'd be better for him to be challenged in other ways.

You're right that reading should be enjoyable. The problem is that he doesn't really ever want to be challenged. I guess it isn't just about the reading its more about building work ethics. Does that make sense?

I think we are in the same boat with the perfectionism. My DD (4 today) can read and has been able to since before age 2. When she is in the mood she will bring the books over and read to us, but the minute she stumbles on a word she is done. We haven't pushed her but I've wondered sometimes if I did push just a little would she get past this hurdle or would it cause more issues with her perfectionism?

I wish I could give you advice but I certainly haven't figured it out. Just know you aren't alone and I know your frustration.

That is my ds all right! He frustrated easily and it seems to be getting worse as he is getting older that's why I am a bit worried.

I guess the issue that I have is that I see a big distinction between pushing yourself and being pushed by others. IMO, the first is how you learn work ethic, and the second is...well, not.

I'd focus more on the perfectionism, if that's the issue, than on trying to get him to read more. So, I'd try talking about how making mistakes can be a good thing (for oh so many reasons), how learning is a process that takes time and effort, how one can deal with frustration and disappointment, etc. I'd also try modeling a positive attitude toward mistakes.

You're not crazy. �This is what you're seeing that's bothering you. �It's not really just about the reading, is it? �Some people believe in hard work leading step by step to better performance. �Other people, like your son, learn so many things so easily. �They know this means they're smarter than the average bear. �They secretly fear when they have to work a little harder at something it must mean they're not as smart as they thought they were. �So they take measures to avoid challenging work. �Not to minimize your concerns, but left alone he's got a good chance of outgrowing this problem eventually. �But I don't have a problem with a little loving guidance from Mamma to hurry it along a little bit. �You'll be doing him a favor. �
http://www.drchrustowski.com/AcademicBehaviorpaperA.pdf

Carol Dweck wrote the frequently quoted research on this theory.

Other people, like your son, learn so many things so easily. �They know this means they're smarter than the average bear. �They secretly fear when they have to work a little harder at something it must mean they're not as smart as they thought they were. �

I don't think I quoted this right...

but how does he know already that he is smarter than the average bear? He's been doing this since he was a toddler and we never really comment on how smart he is because I believe in minimal praise and always praise the effort rather than the ability.

Thanks for the link.

I don't know that he does. It just fit what you were saying so I thought I'd throw it out there to see if it would help you put a finger on what's troubling you.