Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy What to say about school?

Hi,

My HG+ dd is due to start school next year. At this stage the plan is that she will start in kindergarten and then compact grades 1/2 together in the following year and then move in to grade 3 as an initial skip.

However I am wondering what to say to her about starting school. Her difference from her peers becomes more and more noticeable all the time. As a rough estimate (and I imagine with some gaps), she is able to work at around a mid - to end of grade 2 level - so nearly 3 grades ahead with 7 months to go before starting school (in Australia), and with very little instruction.

The school seems to understand the challenge and seem open to trying to do what they can. However, as I know you're all aware, school not going to be the relatively straight forward situation it might otherwise have been.

People are starting to ask her about school and if she is excited about it (she's not sure). I have basically avoided talking about it to date, other than general things I know she'll be excited about - the canteen, playground, uniforms, the nearby park etc. People make such a fuss about starting school (and rightly so I guess, it's such a right of passage) - but their focus is always on making friends and learning... I am now conscious of avoiding the topic altogether as I am torn between wanting to be positive and explaining to her that her experience may be different from the experience that is being presented to her by others.

She's been well aware of her difference before we ever raised it with her. We've only talked about the fact that she is a quick learner and that she thinks like a kid who is a bit older - but we haven't been beyond that. I feel comfortable with how we have approached the 'gifted' angle - but am interested in what to tell her about school to ensure she starts with a positive, but not unrealistic expectation. Any thoughts?

Thanks!


http://notestomygirl.com/
http://mumofagiftedgirl.blogspot.com/

I think you've explained it very well.

I would only add a bit of a brainstorm about 'what might a person learn in Kindergarten' - perhaps after reading a book on the topic 'Junie B Jones' is funny. There is always a lot to learn in any situation even if the academic material is not it.

If she doesn't already know some of the children in advance, then I would talk to the school and ask for some names and numbers so that she can have a few playdates in advance.

If the kindy is half day, then I think your plan could work very well. Do let her know that having good behavior is key. She'll need to demonstrate 'how grown up she is' to keep her options open.

My son says about kindy: It's the fun year where they trick the children into believing that school is about having a good time.

LOL!
Grinity

The school and it's administration, teachers and peers can be rate limiting for your child. We continue to deal with this issue and my son is only in the second grade. He went to a private and very, very good preschool, kindergarten and first grade but for employment issues we moved and he attended second grade - disaster, which we are correcting at this time. Learn and understand as much as you can about your child's school and teachers - ask the hard questions. In todays world our children have no option then to not only succeed but excel at their education and it all starts when they are young. School is one of the most serious and challenging issues a parent must face and the burden is on us, the parents to ensure we get them into the right setting and for their outcome.

Kvmum,

Will this be your child's first time in school? Has she stayed home with you previously? Are your concerns more about what others are telling her about learning or about her socially fitting in?

If she hasn't been to a school setting as of yet I can see where you would be concerned especially with people telling her how wonderful it will be and more importantly how much she will learn. It sounds like you have done a wonderful job and as long as you keep the communication open between you and your daughter and by this I mean a daily conversation about school: what was fun and what wasn't; you will be able to tackle issues right away. My DD was closed lipped at first. School was school and home was home and she wasn't talking. It was finally due to an incident that happened at school that upset DD and thank goodness we were still there with her teacher. Her teacher has puzzles out for them in the morning and when she came back through to pick them up she pinched DD's finger in the process but DD didn't tell her. She whispered to me something about it but when her teacher came over to talk to her she got very quiet. Her teacher told her to always tell her mommy everything and not to worry if she feels it would hurt someone else's feelings, especially the teachers. That was the turning point for us and DD started to open up and talk about school. And when she did she started to come out of her shell and really socialize with the other kids. Before that she was sure the other kids didn't like her because she was different. (Her words and truly shocked me since we have never talked about her being different in front of her.)

Just our personal experience but it did teach me to be patient with the process and let DD self discover her strengths and what she is comfortable with.

Thanks all for your replies - sorry I haven't replied sooner, I've only got limited internet access at the moment.

Thanks for the reassurance that I am on the right track with the explanations so far.

Katelyn's Mom, dd has been in child care and more recently preschool since she was 7 months old, so she has been in 'formal' settings most of her life. I guess one thing that leaves me wary is that she had an awful preschool experience last year, which I am not keen to repeat. She was friendless, the teacher seemingly didn't take to her and she was terribly bored by the activities (the result, extreme lethargy, not wanting to get out of bed for hours on the days before preschool etc). I suspect it has left me more wary than is useful. The advice I have received here and elsewhere to give it a chance first is advice I will take and see how we go.

The stories you've provided have given me food for thought, so thanks again!