Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Is homeschooling the only option

Is it even possible to find a good fit in a school?

Dh is in the midst of a job search, he is in talks with companies in several different states....we are not to the point in really researching schools yet, but where we are now the schools were definitly not an option....to the point that at 2.5 her pediatrician simpley flat out said "our schools won't work for her. You will have to homeschool."

DD is 3.3, is reading on a 2nd grade 6 month level...self taught, doing 1st/2nd grade math and is working her way through a 2nd grade science text on her own....I can't get her away from the thing LOL.

I guess my question is, well if a child is this far ahead...she can't even start K for 2 more full years....is normal schooling even an option? Where my mom lives and where I grew up, they have very god academic magnet schools with self contained gifted programs in the magnets. This worked very well for me when I was placed there in 1st grade. I remember being miserable and crying from boredom in neighborhood K...but DD is so far ahead then I ever was.

I guess I am just wondering, when a child has been identified as PG, well is homeschooling the only option in most places? I guess I am just wondering if in most places would we even be able to find a fit in the school system or should we just assume we will be homeschooling and not worry about the school system when making a decision on his next position?

I'm a homeschooler, but I will state very strongly that a good school fit is possible! I have a number of friends with PG kids who have found working school situations.

Much depends upon the personality of the child, the ability of the school personnel to understand that a PG child is almost certainly going to need more than the normal classroom will provide (probably more than the normal gifted program will provide), and the willingness of the school to meet those needs.

Often schools that do not (for whatever reason) think of themselves as exceptionally "good" schools seem to do a better job with PG kids. Our particular school system pats itself on the back quite hard about how "good" it is, and it does a miserable job for HG+ kids. Even MG kids aren't served by anything except the occasional in-class differentiation until 4th grade--that's 5 years of school, literally half the life of these kids! Then they wonder why there are behavior problems...*sigh* And thus we homeschool. But not all schools are like ours.

Keep your options open, don't panic, and see what's around wherever you decide to land. The nice thing about knowing that homeschooling is a possibility is that you can't really make a "mistake" with school. If it turns out that the schools where you move won't work for your DD, you have a back-up plan. You're way ahead of where I was when my first child was 3--we were still deep in gifted denial back then--and we're fine. You're doing great!

I think it is nearly impossible to predict the future. I would try to make decisions that leave your options open as much as possible and be prepared to adapt the best you can.

If we weren't pretty happy with our plan to unschool, I think we'd be pretty happy with the options and flexibility of our local school district. Of course, my child has not been identified as PG (nor do I expect that she will be, though her milestones are similar to your DD's).

I would think about school districts. I tend to think that the communities with more highly educated, thoughtful, and tolerant residents will be the ones with better school districts and gifted programs. Besides, you may change your mind, or you may decide to send her to school part time, particularly when she is older.

I really like the advice I got when we were deciding on where to move, which is that the most important thing is to find a community that shares the values of your family. In our case, it led us to a city with excellent schools, lots of homeschoolers, a big university, and tons of activities for kids.

Our DD6 went to preschool and JK before we decided to homeschool. Even though she wasn't learning anything academically, she did really enjoy being around other kids. With that said, now that we are homeschooling, I believe that she has a much better social opportunities with other homeschooled kids and also with older children and adults.

From my perspective as a parent, I have mixed feelings about preschool and kindergarten. It was good for her socially and it reinforced a lot that we were trying to help her with at home in terms of sharing, transitioning, etc. On the other hand a part of me wonders if it contributed to her perfectionism because nothing was challenging. Now she routinely refuses to do anything unless she already 'knows' it. Also, it set the bar really low. She doesn't seem to place much value on effort, but, she's only 6 after all. We've got time to work on that

There is lots of good advice in these posts about finding a good fit. We live in a small community and don't have those kind of options. If I lived somewhere else I may not have the same opinions.

I couldn't agree more with Kriston! I have no doubt that DD is PG and we live in one of those 'top' school districts but I have my doubts that they will really provide for DD. I really believe that school districts classified as the best are so because they have found their niche with the majority of the students. Our district is upper middle class and we live in a large university town which lends itself to higher ratio of gifted. Sounds great in theory but as we all know there are levels of gifted and the majority of the school district's gifted kids are in the MG to possibly HG range. BUT the district has the attitude that they know gifted education and are not really flexible. All my friends who have kids in the district and know DD have told me they don't see how the school could keep up with her.

I grew up in a rural town and though I, myself, am probably more in line with MG - HG level; my cousin was definitely PG. Looking back on our school experience and trust me it wasn't perfect, however, I will admit that they had flexibility when it came to him and were willing to try new things.

The nice thing is we have the flexibility to put DD in private and so far we have been happy with our school choice. In fact, DD had a birthday party yesterday (though her birthday isn't until August) and we invited all the kids from her school. Even though I already felt a sense of family before the party; it was clear by the end that we really are a family. The warmth and true caring of all the parents was abundantly apparent. And though the school is not a gifted school, DD has some PG friends in school with her and it really makes me smile to see how they get each other. One of her PG friends is a super sensitive child who takes OT. His mom just adores DD because she just gets him and understands he has needs and goes out of her way to protect him. She told me that a few months ago she was late dropping him off and the class was already in circle time when they came in. DD's best friend jumped up and screamed his name when she saw him and DD quickly jumped up and scolded her for it; saying that they all know how he doesn't like that kind of attention and nobody should yell at him. I, also, witnessed this protective state at the party but for another classmate who is an adopted child from Guatemala. He is a quiet shy little boy who hardly even talks. The minute he came into the room the kids took his hand and made sure they included him in the game of the moment. There was clearly a calmness among them when interacting with him.

I know it isn't realistic to think that what works today will always work but I am really hoping it does for DD, because I would hate for her to lose this intimate community. And like I said, the school isn't classified as gifted but it is academic and all taught in Spanish. The administration is also open to moving her up if she isn't being challenged so I will cross my fingers and hope this is enough.

I agree with everyone else, it depends on your child and the district. Our little local rural district was awesome in their attempts to help my DS get what he needed. For him it didn't work but it was due to his emotional age and his intensity level. The program that they designed for him would have worked well for many of the kids on this board.

After homeschooling for a year, we have found a new school that I hope will give him what he needs. Once again we have found an administration that is jumping through hoops.

If you look at the education ratings for our state you will find that based on state testing we are tied for 46th (which means we are also tied for 49th)so it's not a place that would wave any flags toward someone looking to educate a PG child. But I have found everyone to be overwhelming in their efforts and support of my son.

Dottie, Kriston and several others gave me a piece of advice that I took to heart and it made my life much less stressful. That is not to look past tomorrow, because if you look too far forward you really will drive yourself crazy!

We've worried about this also. I have no real concrete advice, everyone else has way more experience than us! But our pediatrician has also mentioned this to us at our last appointment (basically that we should start looking into alternative schooling methods because we're most likely not going to be able to send her to the local public school, which happen to be really bad!).

Although... we're expecting a big move soon (and there's a VERY good chance we'll be living in a country where homeschooling is illegal), so that's another concern. Right now we're thinking something like Montessori/free school and we'll just look at what options are available if/when we move and how well they deal with gifted kids. Oh, and if we can afford them too... But it's so hard dealing with the uncertainty of it all.

We live in a county that is divided - east & west. It is known by the entire state that the east side has the BEST schools. We couldn't (can't) afford to live in the east side. So we opted to find a school on the West side that was not the best, but not the worst. It was the PERFECT environment for DS. I really feel had we been in the BEST school zone, he'd be going into 1st instead of 2nd this year. I am really saddened that he will not be going back to that school, but with the grade skip of one year (and he scored well enough in most areas to skip 2 grades), that there won't be any "turning back" at this point, whatever school he's in.

So I totally think it's possible to find the perfect fit, even in *gasp* public schools! Obviously it's not always the right answer or best for every child or every location, but sometimes they get it right!!!

Yeah, of the people I know who are happy with public schools for their HG+ kids, the first 5 I think of would say that they're not in what most would call "good" schools, but the schools really bend over backwards to serve the needs of the kids.

I wish I had known that when we were house-hunting!