Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Profoundly frustrating

The math challenges relate to number 1's and is a way to get him to go willingly, by himself. Taking his word for it, that he didn't need to go, resulted in wet pants. an example would be: "X times 7 minus 9 equals 40. What's X." The focus on the maths takes his mind off the oppositional frame of mind and he goes happily. We put a times table in there which made it a place to 'do maths'. Like all such tricks however, this one is losing power.

Having said that, he's improved since my last post in respect to weeing but if asked directly will almost always claim he doesn't need to go.

Pre-school was going great for a while but some changes there have shifted the dynamic and he's showing signs of anxiety again, (running about constantly, ignoring people), and sadly has bitten a kid. It's hard to accept just how long term and complex his anxieties and reactions can be, so there's no easier answer as to why things have gone South.

He's been accepted into a selective school for next year and the principle says he hasn't seen a kid like him in 20 years but says he's ready for the challenge.

Re-reading my first post of February I'm reminded how quickly things can change. He's now very much into drawing and some writing on his own. His violin is still a teeth-grinding challenge to our patience but mostly because he has such capacity (he can now play a tune he hasn't been taught or practiced) but generally will do only what he wants or can be somehow convinced to undertake. The simple stuff is the hardest. A token economy (earning them for practice) is bearing some fruit and we took some away for the biting which solicited an effective response.

Our DS is getting a lot of rejection at his pre-school. Kids won't let him sit next to them and some of the boys say out loud, "Yay! He's leaving!" when his mother comes to pick him up.

Yesterday he said that he makes "different reality" for himself while he's there. I asked him if it was a safe place to be and he said yes, quite emphatically. He said he uses it only sometimes, but it goes a long way to explain why he can appear unfocused and unresponsive to the carers at times.

He tends to to join the girls games (I think because they talk more) and has limited success and even less with the boys.

It's tough being different!

I think this requires an immediate visit with his teacher(s). No child should have to disassociate in order to survive a day at school. My immediate thought when reading your post is "Where is the teacher?!" Not only is your son being put in an unhealthy situation, but the other kids are learning that bullying is okay. The teacher needs to be made aware and together you need to come up with some solution to this particular problem.

As far as the potty training goes, I'm glad to hear it's getting somewhat better. I like the idea of just matter of factly (with confidence) stating, "It's time to go potty now." You don't ask, you just announce it. I also like the idea of, at the beginning of some day, you having a conversation with him about him being ready to use the potty all the time now, that cleaning up an accident takes a lot more time away from his activity than just getting up to go to the potty, and that he will need to clean up (put his clothes on top of the washer, use a washcloth, get a new set of clothes) when he does have an accident. Don't say it like it's punishment, just like now's the time to do it, you know he's ready for it, and that you will be there to help him as he learns to do it for himself. Also, I think if you say that it takes less time away from his activities if he just goes in and sits down and goes immediately rather than sitting there forever, that might be helpful. In that regard, I wonder if he's actually being rewarded for sitting on the potty and not going by the fun math problems. I know that my DS will go into the bathroom for an hour just because that's a peaceful place to read. Maybe try to reward him with the math problems after he goes. Or, alternately, to get you out of the process more, what if you gave him some math to do on his own (can he do that at 4?) while he sits there, without the direct interaction with you? Just throwing out some ideas -- it can be tough!

I agree.

Though I will offer that DS6 ALWAYS played with girls instead. Girls tend to be more mature than boys at that age, so that could be the reason why as well.

I think a lot of it is "giftedness". You son sounds very typical. We can't get our DS7 into music because of exactly what you said. It is very slow and repetitive. He says his "heart is filled with bore" I always wondered then how common is it for a gifted child to NOT be musically inclined. I always hear the opposite.
Schools, unfortunately I have given up on schools. By me they are all terrible.

Oh wow, I remember DD9 doing that I think when she was 3 or 4. Some stuff she had fun with but other times like circle time, the teacher had to let her do her own thing and when it was her time to chime in she proved she was listening every time and did well.

I wish I had some advice but it sounds like he's doing much better now. Keep it up mom!

Dad actually, but thanks Adrienne, and all who have offered support and reassurance that it's normal, given what's 'normal' for kids like this.

He's certainly getting better at dealing with others and next year he starts at school so hopefully that means he'll find a place that feeds his intellectual needs instead of just social.