Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy appropriate playdates

jeni, extra caution certainly can be warranted by particular circumstances.

On the other end of the spectrum from "helicoptering" is the "free range kids 'movement'". (I haven't been using enough quotes lately, and am turning over a new leaf.) An acquaintance on Facebook seriously proposed that letting five-year-olds and up take themselves to the store, park, etc. makes good sense. I think that's child endangerment, personally. Every parent needs to decide such things for herself.

Asking about guns in the household is a good idea. Thank you!

My son made a play gun at preschool one day out of Duplos, and was playing cops and robbers or something with another boy. They scolded him and said that guns were bad to play with. I had an issue with that, because play guns are perfectly fine in my opinion, and my son was doing fine-- but I would not of course have had a problem with them telling him not to use play guns there.

It would just be bad manners, in my opinion, to plan a gun-themed birthday party, in light of different views on play violence. I would probably let my own son go to such a party, but if one of his good friends couldn't go due to a parent's views, would probably just line up a play date with that friend in place of the party.

I think the parent probally thought the air gun party was just boyish fun but I wouldn't send my DS9. I think with his sensitivity this would be too much for him. Growing up he just could not handle the same exposures to movies and toys that some other kids could handle. He thinks about things deeply. He has handled lazer tag.

I always attend the playdates because I enjoy talking with the other adults. When it comes to violent play...I do have issues w/pretending to kill people. I realizee that cops and robbers have been around for years but the world is different now and regardless of how insignificant it was then...it is so much more significant now.

Why is pretending to kill someone ok anyway? Yes it's pretend but that kind of imagination really does need to remain in check. My DD5 has a 6 yr. old friend who is a boy, and all he wants to do is kill something.

I truly believe in following the rules of other people's homes and of course mine being followed as well. I respect another person's differences and it's very difficult to screen out unhealthy playdates as the kids get older since they won't always want Mom or Dad around. At that point...well I can only hope that my kids know what's right and wrong and can say "no".

We all do our best and I try to be fair and balance the need to "hover" and the need to allow my children their independence.

It is called Airsoft.

I think its a lot more appropriate than just play guns because it does hurt when you get hit. That instills consequences for getting shot rather than the no-risk games using play guns.

My nephews thought guns were play things until I took them shooting with a variety of weapons until they just sick of it. I then got out my airsoft pistols. They each got a few welts and now take guns seriously. They know how easy it is to get hurt. I also showed them real pictures of gunshot wounds. I did this all in one day and it made a deep impression on them. They now know that guns are serious things. My dad did the same for me.

Knives are far more dangerous, though. Knife attacks have a 30% fatality rate while guns only have about a 10% fatality rate. Most people do not know this.

--

Mr W will have a few years of MMA training and he will get to shoot a lot. And some knife training. All so he can protect himself.

Having said this, we do not allow Mr W to watch violent stuff on TV and I will never let him watch violence against women or children, which I consider to be rank obscenity. Most of the violence in movies and TV is fantasy. There is no blood, no body parts, and no people screaming uncontrollably.

When I was growing up, my dad took us to see war movies. He then discussed it with us, giving us his impressions, himself a combat veteran. We also got input from our uncles who had been shot and wounded as well. Mr W will get this as well.

Like anything else, I think its better to take a few sips of wine early, rather than let a kid find about it by themselves. Violence is just another one of those things to guide them through.

Battles are dramatic. I'm okay with my son engaging in dramatic play-- cops and robbers, knight battles, Jedi battles, WW II re-enactments, what have you. That kind of play is about archetypes, heroism, etc. and not gore. It's not really pretending to kill someone; it's pretending to battle, generally as part of a storyline. Like it or not, human experience involves strife.


Why? I think Barney and Blue's Clues need to remain in check. I am fine with my child imagining anything he likes, as long as it doesn't show evidence of an underlying psychological problem-- and if that ever happens, I will address the problem but not think that his imagination needs to remain in check.

I'm generally fine with my son being exposed to anything that doesn't harm him. Playing cops and robbers, etc. certainly doesn't harm him (although I guess another child might be sensitive in a way so as to not like such play; I wouldn't know).


If he's killing things or even trying, that is quite bad behavior. I would never suspect that it comes from simple dramatic play with other children like we're discussing here, and I would report it as appropriate.

My son is well-adjusted and quite a kind little boy. He does like to drive his pretend light saber through the heart of the occasional pretend Sith, but the rest of the time he shows no psychopathic tendencies whatsoever.

Most of my adult friends play war-games. Mostly because they're really interesting, from so many perspectives, including geeky ones. I have no trouble with geeky play-violence. I don't like viciousness. It's pretty easy to tell the difference when you see a group of people playing, and it's pretty easy to point it out. DS1 has already had a few lessons in this, and, interestingly, seems quite sensitive to the difference (crys at viciousness, even when it's pretty mild, gets interested in wargames)

I am a former helicopter mom and where we live, it is common for people to have guns in their homes. Some of my son's friends have guns in their homes but they are locked away in gun cabinets. The parents are very responsible people and I feel that my son is safe with them.

My husband is a Vietnam veteran and Patriot Guard rider. We have a gun in our house locked in a gun cabinet. My husband used it once to kill a rabid skunk in our yard, so I am glad we have it. He and his brother, who loves Civil War and World War II history and collects guns, taught my son how to shoot a gun. My son has a pellet rifle that he uses for target practice. He has been taught gun safety, but he does not know where the key to the gun cabinet is kept.

My son plays World War II and other interactive history type games that include battles. He learned a lot of history this way by playing computer games and reading.

I think it is important for people to learn to protect themselves. I had promised to let my son take a martial arts class, but just when we were about to enroll him in a class, we found out that he would have to wear the scoliosis brace until he is finished growing, so he will probably have to take lessons as an adult.

I have started asking folks if they have guns in their home before allowing dd to go over without me. (She did just have a playdate without me at a family's house that does own guns, but I know that they are kept in a safe.) I wish that you could look up online who owns a gun the same way you can search the Megan's Law site.

And so do the criminals who want to break into your home.