Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Opposite of Helicopter problem...

After reading a few posts on helicoptering parents I thought I would get a few opinions on an opposite problem we have here.

My DS9 sticks so close to me that my DHTB calls him my little shadow. Even in the house I can't be in a different room for more than 3 minutes without him following me.

He does not want to go many places (camp for instance) because it is too long a day away from home. He does not have any fears or any other anxiety type behavior. He also was not always like this but it has increased as he has gotten older.

I have signed DS and his sister up for day camp this summer and I hope he has fun and makes friends. We started ADHD meds a few weeks ago and that has been a huge change in his hyperactive and impulsive behavior but he still has a pretty negative attitude about anything that doesn't involve a computer.

Thoughts and suggestions would be great.

No suggestions, because my DS10 is similar and I haven't figured out why or what to do about it, if anything. He's a very outgoing kid, but has absolutely no desire to sleep over at anyone else's house - he'd prefer to be at our house. He's been invited to go places with friends, but he prefers not to go *with* them - he'd rather we meet them there and (one of us stay as well).

He doesn't have a problem going to school or on field trips, etc., so I don't think it's a separation anxiety issue (although, I feel certain he'd *freak* if we told him he was going to an overnight camp a day away). My best guess is that he's just not comfortable being under the care of others and that's about what I can gather from asking him. Like your son, it's become more evident as he's gotten older - a friend and I used to swap kids pretty regularly for playdates and stuff when he was younger and he never gave it a second thought.

I don't see it as a huge problem now, other than making sure his friends (and their parents) don't think it's something against them if DS doesn't want to spend the night. However, I sometimes wonder if/when he'll outgrow it. Fortunately, none of his friends seem to mind being over here all the time.

My son isn't like this, but he isn't hyper-independent either. I think all kids develop in these areas in different ways and at different speeds, and it is important to respect that. Doesn't mean you can't talk to them about what is going on (and if you find it stifling, I think it is fair to talk with the family and child about ways to help resolve the issue).

I guess if it was a new development, I would try to have some conversations to make sure nothing happened that caused the issue, but honestly, I think you are right to let them separate at their own speed.

Cat

I guess you both are right. I have two grown sons and soon enough I know I will be avoided almost as avidly as I am sought out now. :-)

I think too that he knows Mom always "gets" him and it is less stressful.

Thanks for your replies JDax and Cat.

JDA, this was my son to a T.

When he was in grade 7 it became the time that school required overnight excursions and he was fine with this but still wouldn't stay at a friends place overnight.

The good news is he did outgrow it at about 14.:)

matmum - it seems that I may have a younger version of your DS, based on the similarities in previous posts too. And I think I always find myself quoting you...


and saying "so there is hope!" LOL!

Breakaway - DH and I always say that soon enough there'll be a time when we can't get him to come home and hang out with us, so we try to enjoy this time while we have it.