Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional talked with DD's teacher-no middle school?

I have had wonderful support with my DD for the last three years while she attended a local public school. Most of you know my story. Her parial enrollment worked well. She had services for speech and saw a social worker to work on those dreaded social skills. Things were hinted at over the last few weeks of school with the therapist and SW but they went ahead and made plans for my DD to attend the middle school next year for band, art, and services.

They had both said, she knows everything she needs to know but doesn't apply it, by choice. The last day of school I talked to the SW and she made the strange comment that wherever we put DD she will be fine, she doesn't need ST or SW.

Fast forward to Thursday. I went to drop off an end of school gift to DD's classroom teacher. Long story short she said not to send DD to the middle school, period. She used to teach at the middle school. She recommended private music lessons, classes and a 4H program we are trying to get my DD into early with the local veterinarians office, but. not. the. middle school. We discussed the possibility of pursuing high school if we can get around some of the required classes that DD has already taken even now, and get her into some of the AP classes.

I was floored. For the last three years the PS has been pushing her need to be around age peers. Now, the people who know her the most have basically said forget working with peers, don't under any circumstances put her in the middle school and pursue other avenues of social interaction. I am completely thrown. I feel like I've been pushing against this brick wall for years and it suddenly crumbled.

Ugh! That must have thrown you for a loop!

I don't know enough of your situation to comment about this more. Are they saying that your daughter's social skills would be ill-met in middle school and have a negative effect on her self esteem? Does the classroom teacher feel like she would do better in smaller groups that are at least grouped by a shared interest?

I have to say that middle school is tough on all kids. It can be a very emotionally brutal time. I have basically counseled my DS9 to try and find one or two friends that really get him and if he finds that count himself lucky. I am still concerned about how he will fare next year.

Are you feeling relieved that someone is advocating what you would have chosen yourself or wondering why the game seems suddenly changed?

My understanding is that they don't think she will benefit from the dynamics at the middle school. She has point blank said she doesn't have any common interests with kids her age. She doesn't have anyone who understands her that she can relate to. The one or two kids she would occassionally talk to are moving and will be at the other middle school.

I think they are saying that it will have a negative effect on her self esteem or further frustrate her, to what benefit? The 4H group we are working on would be slightly older but with shared interest. All along they have advocated against skipping her ahead any more because of her social skills, we actually hadn't skipped her again because the speech therapist and SW were concerned, even though the principal had approved it.

I am both relieved that someone is advocating what we would have chosen ourselves and also wondering why the game has suddenly changed? Does that make sense?

Makes perfect sense. Since it sounds like the teacher is being pretty frank, I'd tell her it seems like a change in their approach and ask her about it. It could just be that they're starting to see the changes in the kids as they get closer to middle school and had a reality check.

Mel, I am newish here and don't know your child's story. But coming from my experiences with school districts, this sounds extremely suspect.

It is perfectly possible for a child to be able to use a skill in some contexts and not others; this is a "performance deficit" as opposed to a "skill deficit." However, the fact that she has the skill in some contexts does not exempt them from teaching her or remediating the deficit; on the contrary, it means they have done a poor job helping her to generalize the skills she needs.

(Lots of districts are trying to cut the special ed rolls to save money; I wonder if that's part of what's going on here?)

If you still want her to have access to speech and whatever else from the school, document what you think are the areas of deficit, take the list back to them, and ask how they plan to help remediate these known issues.

If social skills are a problem, the idea of giving up working with peers is bizarre. Find the right peer group, yes, by all means-- but giving up isn't going to help.

Can you network with some parents at the middle school and find out more about what's going on over there?

I completely sympathize with how disorienting this has to be.

DeeDee