Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school guilty, confused, wondering...

I'm finding that many if not all of my friends with preschool age children use workbooks with their kids, daily. I think they are stupified when I say we don't do those things. I guess they assume she does these things because we both work hard at it and I feel guilty that in a way we are both lazy and make very little effort. She just learned so many typical preschool things with what appeared to be "magic." I have looked around online and see just how involved "learning activities" can be and am scratching my head.


If other kids have already had to work to learn some things like their alphabet or reading etc. then they have experienced struggle and success but if these things came with what seemed like no exertion on her part, and we cannot assume everything will come like that, shouldn't I try to encourage something "academic" so that she can have that experience that many other children her age have of working to learn something? That doesn't seem like hothousing, it seems like what other parents do naturally. Any thoughts?

Hi TwinkleToes,

I think there are other areas in every day life that we can use to teach our preschool kids about effort, rather than picking up structured educational activities if they're not your or your daughter's thing. Surely (in an ideal world!) that is what they go to school for? We have some workbooks in our house and dd4 goes through stages of being interested in them or not. We don't push it. DD instead gets her challenges from her love of difficult puzzles, figuring out how much of something we need when we're cooking, teaching herself to read etc. Sometimes I'll set her a challenge, for example to use objects in the house to make an 'x' that does 'y', but only if she's up for it.

Having read some of your previous posts, I doubt very much that you're lazy - you just don't need to prove that your kid can do that stuff. I am guessing that there is plenty you do (would have to do!) to keep your dd interested and stimulated - they might just be very different things to others

I live in Australia and am spending the weekend at a conference conducted by Miraca Gross. She said something today that I though was interesting and kind of related, which was to praise how gifted kids use their ability (rather than just ability or just effort). So if your daughter is using her abilities and putting in her best work, then I guess that is what is important - rather than it having to be done in a particular way.

Just my thoughts!

Hi TwinkleToes,

What does your DD say and what is your gut feel about this? Is she keen for some sit down work? Don't let anyone guilt you into anything. My 2cts is, sit-down work is similar to potty training. When your daughter is ready, it'll take off like a dream. Even now, you could be feeling that it's natural for you to move on to something more structured, which could be why you're thinking about it.

But whatever it is, don't worry about academic challenge - there'll be plenty of that in the coming years, and plenty of time for her to learn about effort.

Kvmum - "praise how gifted kids use their ability" - tks for this. This is absolutely spot on for us at this point in time.

There is nothing hard about doing daily worksheet pages. It's simply repetitive. I don't think that being forced to do worksheets teaches kids about the value of hard work. Not in the least.

And even if academic things seem to come easily to your child, there are surely some things she has worked hard at. Perhaps she has even worked hard at learning to read? Though my DD taught herself, and it was clearly much more easy for her than it is for most kids, it was still a serious and sustained effort, and it took her years of daily practice to read as well as she does now. She is still working on it, and getting better all the time. She also works very hard at physical tasks. It took a long, sustained effort to learn to jump on one foot, for instance. It took much practice and much frustration for her to be able to draw the way she wanted.

In short, I am very skeptical of the idea that the way one learns to work hard is by being forced to learn things that are beyond one's current capabilities or interests. I think that is the way to kill work ethic, not the way to foster it. I believe children naturally work hard when they are interested, and I have seen that in my own child.

We never did worksheets/workbooks, never had them in the house until this year when DS7 demanded them for math. They lost their appeal pretty quickly...the constantly changing online math programs are more fun for him. I never thought it was "right" to have workbooks for kids, but DS was identified as gifted comparatively late (I think since he's 2e) and we were always busy with activities. I didn't think it was necessary, until I realized how much he craved it...so I feel sort of bad that I didn't have any for him earlier, but oh well. We've always had plenty of reading books including dictionaries and reference books, but not kids workbooks. Nan

Thanks, Nan. That is my goal: that she gives her best work and has a good attitude, not that she does XYZ. With physical things that she has to work at it was like pulling teeth to encourage her to do more. With "academic" things she she also needs to be in control and wants perfection and also will intentionally be contrary so I don't bother to push those things, BUT I LOVE doing all sorts of learning things. I loved them as a child and was a teacher (high school) so am hoping we can do more eventually. You are right: we do read books and go places and talk about things, I just wonder if there is a lesson that is about having to struggle and having a good attitude about doing what someone else asks if it is reasonable and also working with her extreme perfectionism...

We spent a lot of time looking at leaves and comparing them and other odd things like that. For alphabet, find items that begin with letters. This is a great vocabulary expander and fun too.

Our favorite was opposum for "o" - nobody said the "o" so we thought it was a great joke - giftie humor (I love it). She would say "o" for possum and just laugh. She truly got the joke.

I really enjoy sit down work so maybe this is my issue. She will do things once in awhile but never if I lead in any way. I just think that at some point she needs to learn how to go with the flow and follow someone else's lead once in a blue moon. When she does things I try to praise her ability to follow directions, being cooperative, pay attention, and be careful as opposed to being smart, because those other skills are harder for her and so I'd like to help them grow even though they may seem very mundane.

Oh the workbooks. We are in the same boat. DD has no interest in them. I've bought them and she will do them a few times but then she's bored with it and could care less.

Here are my feelings on the questions pondered:

Challenging them - There are many ways to skin a cat as they say (yuck) and workbooks are not the only way to challenge a child. Tune in to her likes and raise the bar. If she likes puzzles, get her a harder one to try. If she likes playing games, pull out the more advanced ones and see how she does. Every day lends itself to learning and challenges. Just taking a walk outside sets up opportunities. Take a walk with a book about birds and teach her how to look up the birds in the neighborhood. This is way more advanced then anything a workbook could offer.

Repetition of workbooks - Depending on the level of gifted your child is at, the idea of repetition can be the worst thing for them. Most HG+ kids need to hear about it once or twice and then they just have it.

Learning to sit down and do things: This is the one bonus to the workbooks, because they start to develop the 'classroom' environment and prepare the children for that, but let's be honest. She will get plenty of that in Kindergarten and Kindergarten is not all about sitting down. DD's school is academic and though she is in the 3 yr old class they do Kindergarten level work (but all in Spanish) so she has the similar set up of Kindergarten: activities and lessons at the table; circle time; art projects, etc. Right now they are learning about the solar system. I have noticed that DD is all about sitting at the table in the kitchen with pen and paper to write notes for different family members. Though she has always been a calm child and had a crazy attention span it is even more so now and I suspect it has to do with her school experience.

So basically ... I wouldn't worry about workbooks. Just remember you don't have the 'normal' child and you will be walking down a different path and this is totally fine.

I posted the same thing twice by accident because the server rebooted in the middle of send...sorry for being repetitive LOL