Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Resistance

Hi All,
Does anyone have good ideas about how to work past resistance? My dd11 has lost confidence in Math and has a few holes. She categorically refuses to see a tutor and has VERY reluctantly agreed to let me work with her a bit but is soooo reactive to admitting that she doesn't really get something that instead of learning how to do something that would take five minutes to learn, she blows it into a huge stressful event.

The school has, of course, not been worried because she still gets A's but I have seen her MAPS scores drop from 99% at the end of 2nd grade to 72% at end of fifth. THAT freaks me out because even if she's not mathy, basic arithmetic is definitely something she could ace.

I am even considering bribing her just so she's willing to see how easy it is if she's willing to work just a teensy bit.

HELP

Have you thought about an online program like Aleks for the practice and a little judicious bribery. (For my 11 year son this means extra ice skating time equal to the amount of time he practices his typing.)

was there some event to cause her to lose confidence? something in her school environment?

from your short description here it sounds like this resistance is a symptom of something else.

or is it a self-fulfilling prophecy? ("I am not good at math/I am not going to try/I am not good at math...) Or perfectionism? or all of the above?

I'm all for using some bribery...I call it positive reinforcement so I feel better about it Nan

I think it's the self-fulfilling prophecy and I will be XXXXXXXXXX before i see it happen. Thank you all -- especially for the free bribery pass! Will keep you updated.

First of all, welcome to puberty. This is a different world. Resistance to anything I say is now the mode. My daughter, 12, still has high standards for herself and I believe she wants to please us - even thought she does not show this outwardly.

What works? This sounds like a cop-out, but she now has a cell phone. The good news about this is that we can take it away until she completes whatever we need her to complete. Yes, this sounds ridiculous, but this is the "worst thing ever" that can happen to her. As a giftie, she completes it very quickly so she can win back her cell phone.

Thanks! I guess puberty denial is right up there with gifted denial! Silly me, I was hoping for 13 or 14.