Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Did I handle this correctly?

DS8 came home from 2nd grade yesterday and told me that he was "embarrassed" because he was the only kid in the class who had two perfect timed math tests (I think these are really basic math fact quizzes - which quite frankly he would have done well on a year ago). I told him that he should never feel embarrassed about being good at something, and reminded him that he has challenges in other areas (writing, e.g.) and that everyone is extra good at some things and has challenges somewhere. I also reminded him of a girl we met at the park last year who had Down's syndrome who was super sweet and I said, "some kids are extra terrific at being nice and good friends, but have other challenges."

Then I realized that I was paying to much attention to his ability and not enough to his effort, so I also reminded him that he worked pretty hard last year on learning a couple of the math facts that were tricky for him (i.e. 7 + 6 and 8 + 5). This wasn't exactly true - I mean, they were trickier for him and he had to actually stop and think about them a few times, but they were not exactly a huge challenge). I tried to focus on the fact that he did put forth some effort to learn them (and pointed out that he is putting forth similiar effort to learn his 8 times tables).

It is such a little thing, and yet so big too. I hate the thought he is embarrassed by being good at it.

Cat

Catalana, I've run into similar things with my dd7 who is also in 2nd grade she's the youngest in her class and the oldest is 11 (2nd/3rd combo) I think you handled it how I would have done it myself.

The teacher has them self correct and then asks "who missed 3 or more, who missed 2, etc."

Actually, as I think about that it is kind of terrible isn't it. Bad enough for my DS, but even worse for the kids who miss a lot.

Thanks for the feedback, I was just stressing about it when I posted. Cat

Maybe you could mention it to the teacher? You could tell her gently that your son felt embarrassed by having to announce his score to the whole class, and mention that other kids might feel also feel the same way. You probably don't even need to tell her what his score was: the fact that it's a private matter between him and the teacher might be enough.

Val

I agree with Val that you should bring it up with the teacher. Kids, in general, want to fit in with their peers, and even if they are proud of how they did on something in school, a teacher can't assume that they want it broadcast. It only sets up an unnecessary and unhelpful competition between the kids. High scorers don't necessarily like it and low-scorers hate it. IMO, grades should be private, and it is up to the child who earned the grade to decide if he wants to tell his classmates about it.

Cat, I think you did a nice job of handling the situation with your DS, though! It sounds like you remained calm, hit upon both innate ability and working hard, and reassured him emotionally. Can't get much better than that!