Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Reaction to Illness

I have been ill for awhile and finally found out that I am in heart failure. My daughter is 12. She is at a difficult age anyway. She will not talk about my illness. She usually is so interested in anything and I have had no questions.

Now, I have to wear a heart monitor and oxygen. I cannot do many things that I used to - such as hiking and camping. I am just leaving her alone about it for now. She thinks I will get better, but I doubt I will see her out of high school.

Anyone have anything like this with their giftie?

I'm sorry, Ellipses. I'm sure that's difficult for any kid to see their parent going through an illness. I would think that your 12 year old gifted daughter would need honest answers to whatever questions she has. She probably is perceptive enough to realize this is serious. You can certainly explain that your illness restricts your activity, and she may need to help around the house. If your doctors are sure you "won't see her out of high school," she will need to know that at some point, too.

I have no personal experience with this, but I'm certainly thinking of you and you family.

Wow, big hugs & prayers to you and your family. I have no experience with this, BUT I agree with twomoose.

I'm so sorry.

People will want help you. If you reach out to people it will help your daughter build a support network.

I think you need to share enough information with her to allow both of you to make long term decisions together. For example, maybe now is a good time to move closer to family.

How sad for you and your family.

I have no personal experience with your situation but I do have a DD with a chronic illness. As you mention your DD's age is a difficult one and it can be a very fine line between saying something and nothing. Coming to terms with your illness is no doubt a process you are working through yourself and something your daughter will also be experiencing. It sounds as if the diagnosis is fairly recent and with a diagnosis generally comes a prognosis which can be both a relief and a shock because of it's finality. You have reached a point where you have obvious signs, your heart monitor and oxygen, and I may be wrong but deep down she will know you are seriously ill. At 12 or any other age for that matter I think denial is a very normal part of that process. At this point there are probably no questions because she is scared of the answers but they will come in time or it may be that the questions wont come but you will do the talking and she will do the listening.

I would not be surprised with your DD being a giftie that she isn't already researching your condition herself. Do you think this is possible?

eta: are you familiar with Elisabeth Kubler Ross? The stages of grieving are also applicable to those dealing with chronic illness and their loved ones.
http://www.ekrfoundation.org/about-grief

I certainly have had no experience and could not put myself in your shoes but I just feel for you and your family. I really don't have any advice but just want to offer to be here for you and if you need anything please don't hesitate to PM me.

This might be showing my ignorance but is it possible to be put on a heart transplant list? You are definitely in my prayers and I suspect that your daughter needs her space right now and when she is ready she will come to you. But if you feel she isn't showing signs of readiness and/or is going into any sort of depression, you might want to seek counseling for her.

I am sending positive thoughts to you and your family. Depending on your community there may be a support group for children/teens who have someone in the family who is seriously ill. I have known several young people who have used this. It provides a safe place to vent( there is an adult counselor present) with others who understand and get the emotions. She also doesn't want to burdon or worry you. Unfortunately she is going to be a member of another unique group. This may also get you in contact with other parents facing this issue and how they are coping. Meanwhile enjoy each and every moment as we all should.

I wish you and your family were not having to go through this, and everyone here, I believe, is thinking positive thoughts for you.

I, too, have no experience with this situation other than my father has a chronic disease (MS). I was just wondering if, if your condition has been going on for quite a while, your DD may just think this is the way things are and she may not really grasp that a turning point has occurred? Perhaps she is aware that you are not well, but that is "normal" to her at this point and, while she sees that you now require oxygen and a heart monitor, this is not obviously unusual for her. She is 12 and she is very smart, but she may not have the experience and context to understand the progression of your condition. I can't pretend to know what to say, but I do like what mon said about focusing on facts.

I wish you and your family all the best. We are praying for you. We would all do well to take in every moment with those we love.