Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments The Problems Have Started

So, DS6 skipped K and is in first grade. Totally the right move -- I can't imagine him in K this year. Very social: all the kids love him and he thinks school is great fun. Academically, it is not the right fit.

I spent the fall overlooking the mismatch because I knew he was new to the routines of full-time school, not that that took the entire fall to adjust to. But once the new year came along I started talking to his teacher about trying to make the fit -- particularly in math since he's challenged enough at home in reading. The teacher is generally wonderful and has been providing problem solving packets that he does on his own and games that he does in small groups with kids above grade level but not at his level. But, the mismatch is now manifesting itself and the whole situation is starting to really bug me.

My DS, who used to LOVE to think about numbers and how they interact and make puzzles and mix together, now gets frustrated when he is asked to problem solve. This happens not only at school with the self-directed packets but also at home.

My DS, who sits through 6.5 hours of school each day that teaches virtually nothing new to him, has started to have problems with not listening to us and his teacher -- not in a defiant way but in a I'm daydreaming and totally not hearing you way. Again, his lack of need to listen is carrying over to his behavior at home.

My DS, who was able to sit still through an hour-long weekly adult bible study class when he was three and every night sits still and listens to middle-school level chapter books and discusses them now spins around on the carpet during group time at school and has started having a hard time sitting still through things like church outside of school.

Unfortunately, no matter how many times I mention subtley and not-so-subtley the connection between academics and his behavior at school, his teacher just thinks that it's not that big a deal. To be fair, he is NOT a discipline problem at school. But his teacher uses his activity level as the reason that he shouldn't be accelerated despite the fact that she acknowledges that he is more than ready for 3rd grade math and 4th grade reading. She just doesn't see that, perhaps, if he was doing work at his level, these behaviors might disappear because then his mind would be occupied with learning rather than entertaining himself.

I'm just venting. We've requested he try a math acceleration this year to see if it would be good for next year, but we're waiting for him to take the MAP math test with the second graders (the first graders do not take it at his school). He just took the MAP reading test and scored off the charts percentile-wise.

Is this now the point where we no longer beat around the bush? How do I make it clear to the school that it's academics affecting behavior so they don't use the reverse argument?

It was so much easier with my daughter, in some ways, who is a rule-follower and just sucked up the mismatch each day until we accelerated her. They had no argument not to accelerate her. Aargh!

This article I found useful, not sure if you will:

"What it means to teach gifted learners well"
http://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=659
esp. this point:
2) Instruction for gifted learners is inappropriate when it asks them to do "more of the same stuff faster." Reading more books that are too easy and doing more math problems that have ceased being a challenge are killers of motivation and interest.

And as you consider his education down the road, I found this article interesting for our own child who also skipped K and went to Gr. 1.

What a Child doesn't learn
http://www.wku.edu/academy/?p=430
We've been considering that this is rather important, other than the basic academics and doing well on tests.

I hope it helps a little bit.

I would certainly read at Hoagies etc and find several articles discussing that the mismatch may be causing the behavior. I get so tired of services being denied for behavior. I read on psych's website? or in a book, that you can't tell anything about behavior until the child is being sufficiently challenged. IF the behaviors are still present with appropriate challenge, then start looking for other causes.

Yes. What's your picture of no longer beating around the bush?
Homeschooling? Keeping him home for a week in protest? Switching to a school that will accelerate him (after a year you can bring him back)? Making a formal request for the next skip in writting, and sending copies to the teacher, the principle, the gifted coordinator, the school board?

The articles might help. might not. Asking for a temporary placement to evaluate if you are just being crazy for thinking this thing that they clearly don't believe. In the end, you might not ever change their thinking. You can only ask, as cleanly as possible, for them to do the right thing.

Sometimes it helps to frame it in terms of the school's mission statement, whatever that might happen to be. Repeating yourself over and over again while projecting complete confidence seems to help. The book 'Getting to Yes' will help you 'coalition build' with the school.

It seems to me that the first challenge is to sell them on 'we have a problem' and after that, you can try selling them on 'here is the solution.'

BTW - it seems like you got a good 6 months in with the current situation. That is actually something to celebrate. He likes school. That's very good! He has friends, friends that he likes even, it sounds like. That's very good. Now the trick is to help the school see that there is a problem. Ask yourself - what things have happened recently that make me want to cry. Those are the stories that you have to share with the school.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

I just want to add that you can find hundreds of articles and books that back up this type of gifted thinking.

I suggest read about how to talk to teachers too. It helps to be very posiitive and avoid words like he is bored. When I used this the teacher became insulted when I was only trying to tell how my child feels about his day.

Hang in there. This is a challenge.

Thanks everyone. We're just getting frustrated around here.

Like I said, we love this teacher in general. She's caring and patient and thinks our DS is really smart. She KNOWS he can do much more advanced work, tries to enrich his learning, and even allows him to show off some of his knowledge to his classmates (e.g., drawing 3-D shapes on the board, showing how he would solve an addition problem with regrouping). She even admits that he knows most of what she's teaching the class. But I think she's afraid he might miss something if he moves ahead. For example, the other day she told me that she had to tell him to pay attention when she was introducing what fractions were and what the numerator and denominator meant because, eventhough she knew he knew fractions, she didn't know if he knew everything she was going to teach about them. How can it be that she doesn't see that that's absurd? That, of course, he didn't feel like paying attention?! That he chats with his friends and spins in circles and goofs around becuase he's attempting to stimulate himself since the academics don't do it for him?

I actually have a great relationship with his teacher since I've volunteered in her class for two years now, but sometimes I'm not sure that she knows how serious I am about him needing accommodations. I like your idea, Grinity, of repeating myself confidently over and over, but right now it seems like I'm politely banging my head against the wall! I want acceleration and she keeps thinking of different problem solving activities he can do when he's done with the regular work.

In truth, my DD had this same teacher for 1st grade and she knew that my DD needed more challenging work as well. But DD was impeccably behaved. She even, when I brought up the possibility of subject acceleration, said "Why didn't I think of that!" So, at the end of 1st grade with her we started the process of acceleration. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to start acceleration until November of the following year since the process was so long.

We've just been trying to cut out some of the red tape and asked if he could just try out subject acceleration for the last two months of school, with nothing official being decided. But, I guess, they are wanting to wait to get the MAP test results. Of course, the test isn't even scheduled yet and we're running out of school year. And then there's the possibility that he'll not do as well on the MAP as we're expecting given the math he does on his own and at home.

In general, the principal of the school has been very accomodating and had no problem initiating all the assessments needed for DS to skip K. He's been great, too, with our DD. But it's frustrating having to jump through all the hoops first before we can even set up our meeting with the principal.

I guess I will try to print out some of the articles about what gifted students don't learn when the work is too easy, but I still worry that it might be too heavy-handed and that perhaps she might take offense. Still, I have to try something new. So thank you for all your ideas and all your support. I need it!

mnmom, Your situation sounds so similar to ours. Our son has behavior issues in school so the school ignores his abilities. It seems the school sees the negative without realizing that accommodating for the positive will decrease the negative! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for next year at a new school. Good luck to you, it is so frustrating, I know. Nan

Very good point, MON!

mnmom - Is there any possibility you could request that your DS be evaluated on the WJ-III (or whatever achievement test they use) by the school psychologist? That might get things going a bit faster than waiting for MAP testing, or a formal request might encourage the school to have your child take the MAP more quickly. I think it's just easier for them to have your DS take the MAP with the rest of the 2d graders, but I believe they can arrange to have your child take it separately. I say this because I'm pretty sure my DS took the MAP separately and before all the 2d graders at his school.

I think Grinity suggested the request in writing - I would second that, and recommend that the request go to the principal, with others (teacher, gifted coordinator) copied. The principal is usually key in these matters, and if you have him/her on board, it makes other things easier too (like getting placement with the right teachers).

Good luck!

You're DS sounds like mine. In a way, I really want to push for him to be moved again, but I also like that he has a good fit socially. I have let it ride since we have less than a month left of school, and he's transferring to a new one next year, but if it's an issue at the new school, I really hope I can get through to them.

Good luck.