Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Discipline/Inability to accept mistakes/HELP

We do pretty well in this area but we used to have more trouble. What helped here was definitely just not getting riled myself and using intparent's preface conversation and then a simple walk away with "Let me know when or if you need help."

I dealt with this for years and the only way I could even begin to make some sort of sense of my son's behaviour was to accept that I was his comfort zone. I was the one person he could behave in front of like this, to vent his frustrations with the world. Perhaps at the end of the day he knew the love was unconditional, mind you it didn't make it paradise for me!

When it came to frustration at home and the rudeness started I also would walk away, he would always come looking for me when he was ready. If the frustration was a result of school or some other outside cause, depending his mood when he came through the door, I would either listen without interjecting or let him stomp straight to his room. I would then just wait till he was ready to come out.

Best news is, he did outgrow it!

OK, I am going to TRY to implement these strategies:

-I will say "Let me know when or if you need help."
-I will preface any session to help with, "I will look at this and try to help you IF you promise to be attentive and respectful while we work through it. If you aren't, I won't be able to help."
-I will learn to walk away.
-I will not engage in the Power Struggle.
-I know he WILL outgrow this!

Thank you for all your suggestions, and knowing that we are not alone!

Tks for all the helpful ideas, intparent, Breakaway4 and matmum. It's good to know that the path well trodden comes with solid and sensible advice.

So far, my notion has been that my son needs a lot of assurance even while he's being rude - he needs me to be there or it's a complete meltdown, so I stay and get miserable. But he's older now. The preface can help. I must turn the entire mindset into one of getting him to collect himself before he can get help.

And matmum, it's nice to know kids do outgrow this behaviour. We need to help them manage their own intensities.

For me the hardest time to do this is when I am feeling the deadline pressure for an assignment more than D is. As an adult (and one who does not have any executive functioning issues, which she does), sometimes I can SEE that she is on a path for a late assignment. So I know sometimes that walking away may result in a late assignment if she can't keep moving on it, when she doesn't seem to recognize that probability. That is when I have trouble executing this approach... but I have learned that an argument/power struggle does not usually result in the assignment getting done any sooner anyway. So I try to stick to it (and, of course, encourage her to get started on things sooner). I find that reminding her that she is going to be late when she starts to melt down is NOT helpful, it just adds to the pressure on her. So I try to refrain...