Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Need advice

This morning I was taking dd7 to school. For about the last 3 weeks she has been saying that she doesn't want to go to school...a highly unusual statement from her. This morning she said it again and so I asked why she didn't want to go. She said "I don't like school". This, from a child who has always thought school was the best thing ever. So I asked her why and she said that "school is boring...and not fun". I said, well what would make school more fun? (half expecting her to say "longer recess" or "more games" etc) and she says "Science. Why cant we learn about science and experiments? Thats what I want to do. The other stuff is boring me..I've learned how to do all of it and want to do something else now".

*sigh* To be honest, I think I knew this was coming but I'm not really sure what, if anything, to do about it. The last time she talked this way was in K. Once she got adjusted work she was fine. Last year in 1st grade she seemed very happy. This year has been different (I had to ask the teacher for more challenging reading etc) but dd seems challenged. I know GT is very challenging but dd has said she has been doing better than all the kids in that class. Her teacher told me that dd is a fast learner. Once she learns something she masters is, without any need for repetition (she called it a name but cant think of it now) anyway, I wonder if the repetitive nature of the class is boring her? I could be making a mountain out of a mole hill..but sure would appreciate any advice here. Do I talk to her teacher? Leave it alone for a while? help. lol.

Yes, yes, yes! Talk to the teacher in a non-judgemental way to keep/ develop your relationship. Maybe, how can we work together?? Can she do independent science work?? I remember my standard deal as a child (and indeed throughout graduate school) was that if I got at least 95% on whatever that I didn't have to do the boring work and I could do what ever I wanted (like learn hieroglyphics and at one point esoteric astrology). It saved me -- as did graduating at 14.

The trick was that I always did the negotiating rather than my parents, but it's worth a shot for DD. Good luck!


Just a passionate little moment here, gang.

Aline

Mom2LA - I just had this same conversation with my DS6 this past week. He says school is boring and I asked him what would make it less boring (also thinking it would be more recess/longer lunch, etc) and he said more science. He wants to do chemistry experiments! He also said he wishes they'd teach him something he doesn't already know. I've been struggling with whether to say something or not too. I'd just about decided to do more of that kind of stuff with him at home. I have a homeschool friend who recommended some resources for me.

Aline - yea for you for standing up for yourself and negotiating for yourself! You've made me think I need to maybe reconsider talking with the teacher. You are very obviously PG and I don't think my DS is by any means (MG at most I think), which is one reason I haven't been sure what to do. It's great hearing a success story though!

I hardly think of myself as a success story but other people sometimes do. LOL. My DD9 is, I think MG but with maybe 3 or 4 Ruf-level traits added in. (I'm still a bit befuddled about the correlations between strict IQ scores and obvious personality traits.) --more on that later, elsewhere--

She has been very lucky because she has a great peer group at a good, small school where they differentiate but she still struggles with the "slow and boring problem." I feel downright blessed that she 's got this core group of five gifted girls in a group of 25 students aand that the school is very flexible about working out of level, flexible multi-age grouping etc. She, however, has great social skills which I was too weird to have. I think that that makes things easier.

This is in part because the public schools here are SO bad that advocate parents tend to push pretty hard to get into the school.

Hi Mom2LA - my 7 year old ds (1st grade) has been saying almost the same thing since the novelty of seeing all his buddies the first 2 weeks of school wore off. He basically says "I know everything they're teaching me". I actually did talk to the teacher. She made a couple very minor changes and said she was going to do stuff she has dropped the ball on. DS would love to do science all day too!

Anyway - my only additional advice would be to have a plan B if talking to the teacher doesn't produce results! I think the no repitition needed thing is so hard in the regular classroom. You really have to make adjustments and assessments often with these kids. Standard curriculums are so spiraling.

We have had no luck with the teacher, principal, or district thus far. I do feel for our teacher. She has 26 kids in the class! We are seriously considering a school change or homeschool for next year.

Hi Mom2LA,
I do think it's time for a chat with the teacher to compare notes. Remember that what will impress the teacher is 'how your daughter is feeling' so try as much as the bounds of honestly dictate to translate her words into feeling.

If she outright cries, do say so.
If she dwadles on her way to school, and used to be the first one ready, so that.
If she gets a bit choked up when talking about wanting more science, focus on the vocal quality.

As a rule, the teachers will feel guilty if you say that the child is bored, but concerned if you say that the child is unhappy. We know that that is the same thing, but they don't.

As for afterschooling, I encourge it as possible, and not just what your daughter 'wants' to learn, although mostly child lead. If you can find a way to push her in her area of strength, that's a good thing.

During school hours, be ready to provide some in-depth curriculum to give the teacher, but look for a sign that the teacher wants it before you bring it to the table. Teachers love for the work a child does to be related in some way to what the rest of the class is doing, so that the child can share it with the classmates, and feel 'part of things' (note that feeling-centered perspective again) So if the class read a book that involved baking cookies, you can provide 'kitchen chemistry' activities. The contection can be really really slender - you are just looking for a pretext here, not a real, meaningful connection.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Hi mom2la,

I sure don't think you are making a mountain out of a molehill, sorry your DD and you are going through this.
I hate to say this, but some schools are starting the dreaded January review, I think this was touched on in another thread. Maybe this is what's causing her to become more vocal about her displeasure.
All of the above are really good ideas. We just went through this before Christmas break and I focused heavily on how DD was feeling. I definately think the teacher is more likely to relate to this dilemma. They don't seem to like the B work and I guess I understand, nobody likes to think they are not doing their job. Especially if she really is a great teacher, which it sounds like she is, like she gets DD.
FWIW, this is when I stepped in and told them(teacher and principal) I felt she was innapropriately placed in second. The implication was that DD was innapropriately placed because of who DD is, not because school is not doing a good job. I also told them I felt she was a good candidate for a skip. The only thing that stopped me in my tracks was DD. She practically became hysterical when I suggested it to her. If she was game, I would have pushed for it without looking back.
Maybe you could feel teacher out and ask in a nice way after explaining how she is dealing/not dealing with outpacing the others in class in terms of speed of learning. Teacher already agrees with that right? Maybe you could ask teacher if she felt DD is appropriately placed in the grade. At our school the teacher is the gatekeeper. It is my impression the teacher makes the recommendation whether or not to pursue for a skip. If she's on your side, it can't hurt, even if she is not the one to make the decision.

Good luck!

I

Thanks everyone...I knew I could count on you ladies for some sound advice. I think I will end up talking with dd's teacher.

That's an excellent idea. It's never occurred to me to approach it from this viewpoint.

Good luck Mom2LA. I have no suggestion besides talking to the teacher. I'm still learning how to do that without sounding like a crazy pushy parent.

[quote=kcab
The only up-side to this is that, with her new subject accel, she might get something new in the math review. [/quote]
Go Kcab! That's the lemonade out of lemons. AND a good reminder that most children who are properly placed do get something out of review.

Smiles Grinity!

Love that philsophy! I'll have to remember that.

Mom2LA -- I'd speak to the teacher. But before you do, I'd try to figure out *what* you'd like to see happen, at least a general idea. That way, you'll have a concrete solution to present to the teacher, whether that's acceleration or enrichment or whatever else. That, I think, was our mistake when we first approached ds's school; we didn't solidly make a request, but went in a bit wishy-washy.

We don't get "bored" comments from ds, but he does say he wished he had higher-level work -- he's said that he thinks he should be in third grade! I'm very concerned that he's going to learn how to slack supreme, just like I did, because we have very similar personalities.

Good luck! Keep us posted.

Our classroom teacher heard the "b" word, even though I NEVER said it. How's that for a judo move to catch you off-guard?!

I think DS6 was so obviously bored that she was already feeling guilty and out-of-her-depth before I said a word. When I asked for her to send home chapter books instead of Level 1 easy readers, she flipped out on me (via e-mail) and gave me the "boredom is no excuse" speech, even though I had never said he was bored.

It was a difficult exchange...

Reasons we're home schooling...

I'm worried about dd. She did not want to go to school again today. I had talked to my Mom this morning and she was telling me that dd told her that she didn't want to go to school (last night on the phone). When Mom asked her why dd replied that "We don't do anything new. We just do the same work and I'm done before everyone and I have to just wait until everyone else is done. It's so boring. I want to do new stuff." Well this is even more detailed than dd had told me. So, I left a message for dd's teacher. I plan on meeting with her as soon as we can.

I hate that dd feels this way about school all of the sudden. She used to love it and to see her so uninterested bothers me. It's just so not like her. Luckily she has a very good teacher who told me months ago "If dd ever seems bored, and I dont notice it first, please tell me." So I feel comfortable in speaking directly with her but I will try to use the word "unhappy" more often than the word "bored"....although I know it will come up.

I'll keep you posted.

Good Luck Mom2LA,
Strongest in her Gifted Class is really saying something. How are thinks going in the 'friendship department?' I'm wondering if getting her enrichment inside class will reduce the symptoms without getting to the root of the problem....KWIM? Still, much better than nothing!
Grinity

Mom2LA - I'm glad the teacher is so receptive anyway. That's very encouraging. Let us know how it goes!

And Mia - I totally know about slacking supreme! There is a little girl in my son's first grade class who is also GT. She's probably not as off the top end as DS, but she is so much more self motivated. And because of that, I really think the classroom is an fairly good fit for her. He mom also seems relatively happy with it. There is something to be said for self motivation!

I wish she didn't have to go back at all, but this level of cooperation is really wonderful! And rare, sadly! So go school!

I would see if you can make a quick phone call to see if you can get this adjusted. Again - focus on the emotional reaction you daughter is having. I'm sure they are not intuiting her reaction and thinking 'tough tootsies!' - they probably never met or imagined a kid who gets this worked up over readiness level. It's hard to imagine that what seems so obvious to us is so mysterious to others. And yes, this is normal behavior amoung our kids.

As for Math: "One plus One equals Two. True or False? Explain how you got your answer." This type of question boggled me, so I went on the website and called up the developers. Here's what I figured out -

There are a few common ways of BSing one's way through the question. Such as -
I used a number line. Started a one, moved one step to the Right. Saw that my finger was at "2"
I used a chart. I moved my finger across the row marked "1" until I got to the column marked "1", and saw that I was in the box marked 2.
I used tokens. I moved 1 to the answer pile, then I moved another 1 token to the answer pile. Then I counted up all the numbers in the answe pile.
I counted on my fingers. I raised one (can you guess which one?) for the first one, and then I raise the my pinky to represent the second one. Then I counted my fingers to get two.
I think that there is also a fancy way of saying that I have memorised certian Math facts, and used my memorization knowledge.

Problem for our kids is that this very interesting approach to Math occurs naturally to them right around the age that they are learning to talk. But I do applaud the spirit of trying to do 'more than just memorize' math facts. And I protest the mentality that suggests that this is appropriate for children who have already gotten the connection between numbers and what they represent.

((shrugs))
Good Luck,
Grimity

Hi Grinity.

Thanks for the giggle!!!

Hi Kcab,
It's February! Is DD back in her math class?
Grinty

There's a coninsidence!
((twilight zone song))
Too bad about the 6th grade homework, is it the last year before Algebra? I've heard that that year can be very MOTSish. ((MOTS, More of the Same))

Good news is that they are keeping track of her well enough to pop her back into 6th part time, and that you are having a very good GAP check. We actually had trouble with too much of a good thing in the GAP department.

Early March?
Grinity