Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school When should you tell your kids about giftedness?

DS4 will be entering kindergarten this summer and I am wondering whether to mention something to him about being gifted beforehand.

I just don't really know how - I don't want him to feel 'arrogant' about it or pressured to always perform well/ never fail because he is gifted. On the other hand he will likely notice more than now that he is different and it might be helpful to see it in a positive light rather than feel weird because he is different.

Any thoughts/ suggestions would be appreciated. Also, if there is an old thread to it that you are aware of, please let me know.

Here's a good thread from 2008:
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/26222/1.html

And another from 2009:
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/51216.html

Dandy,

thank you so much for your threads! They have really great suggestions and it seems a lot of people were dealing with it right around my DS' age.

Thanks for the question and the links to the previous threads. Not that I have been pondering this much but the topic comes up with my DD3 who clearly understands she is different than her friends at school. She sometimes focuses on it and talks about how she is different and the other kids don't want to play with her. I have talked to her teacher and confirmed my suspensions that the other kids are playing with her but DD has such empathy that she is super sensitive when a child gets mad at her. I haven't talked about gifted with her as of yet and really don't plan to right now. If we do test her we might need to explain some of it to her but right now ... testing isn't even something on the horizon. We don't plan to put her in public school but rather stay with her Spanish Immersion school through 5th grade. Of course, this is if DD is still doing well in that environment. Crossing my fingers that they keep her motivated and will stick to their promise that they have no problem moving her up if she needs to be.

I say talk to him now. If he doesn't already know that he's different, he will soon, and he will come to accept and understand that much more easily if people are honest and open with him.

If your child was dyslexic, would you even consider not telling him?

Sometimes an opportunity presents itself.

We were fortunate that way during the summer before my sons started K. We were out camping with friends, who had a son the same age and one older.

In the afternoon, the 4 boys were out tossing a frisbee, until it became blatantly obvious my sons were just NOT going to be able to participate like the other two. Later they pulled out a trivia board game, and my sons were confused as to why the other 5 year old couldn't read his own cards and needed multiple choice to help him answer.

The answer was easy and a great start to the discussion of differences that has taken place in bits and pieces over the past few years. Kids have different strengths, and some kids have really obvious strengths, but sometimes strengths aren't obvious. My sons were strong with reading (other strengths came up later) and the other boys were strong with frisbees.

I have never used the word 'gifted' in front of them, and don't think they have heard it elsewhere. They have been hearing 'bright' and 'fast learners' for years. It didn't take long in school for my sons to notice they were different, but they took it in stride. It hasn't been a totally smooth ride, but they are content to describe themselves as 'fast learners' and leave it at that. It has worked well for us.

I assume that there will be as many variations of what works best as there are variations in personalities. Hopefully one of the ideas strike you as 'right' and helps smooth things along. GL.

I remembered when my DS8 just entered kindergarten for few weeks. I asked him, "Do you know any kids is not reading yet?" He answered, "How is that possible? Every kid in my class is five or six. Of course everyone knows how to read." At that time he was reading 3rd/4th grade level and he thought everyone should be just like that. Months later, he found out he was more capable than others in some area. I gave him lots of examples that his classmates can do something better than him. Some can write letters like printing, some can swim, some can ride a bike, some can draw pictures with more details. I told him every kid is learning different things in different pace. Even his little sister has different strength and weakness than him. I have never use the word "gifted" when talking to him until one day he caught me was reading a book about gifted children. He asked me, "What is gifted children? Am I?" I told him, "Maybe, I know you are very good in some area. Let's find out when you are older." Now my son is 2nd grade, he is still the top student in the class. But he won't think he is better than other children because he knew his own weakness too.

'Master of None' makes a really good point.

I mentioned using relative strengths and weaknesses to help my sons adjust, but she points out that a child does not need attention drawn to weaknesses when their strengths are being acknowledged. For us, we moved straight from a scenario where my sons were obviously weak (sports) to one where they were seeking a reason why their same aged friend couldn't read. However, if I spoke about their difficulties each time their strengths came up it would cause difficulties for them, in terms of self-esteem. One of my sons is particularly sensitive in this way.

Thank you everyone - great suggestions. I showed my husband the responses. We think we will go with the everyone has strengths 'speech' that may be in different areas and everyone should be at a level in school that he/she will be challenged. Not sure whether to point out the word 'gifted' or not yet.

We never used the term "gifted" with my DS until we had to explain it re: programs like EPGY where my son asked what "gifted" meant. My concern was mostly about the term itself, since it seems to have such a bragging stigma attached to it. We have frequently talked with DS about his academic strengths relative to those of his peers as we have dealt with his issues of boredom at school and his inability to understand why his peers can't do or aren't interested in the same things he is. It hasn't created a problem here. DS understands it takes all kinds of people with different strengths and weaknesses to make this world go 'round.