Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Choosing the right high school

Hi all,
This my first post, though I have been very impressed by what I have read!

My DS is 13, highly gifted and diagnosed with mild Aspergers (really social issues only). He is a Julliard level pianist and violinist, off the charts on math and a pretty good swimmer. Our psychologist (who really understands this stuff) says that he needs a private school -- the best local one has a strong (but not world class) music program and no swim team. Our DS really wants to go to our public high school -- which has a tremendous academic program, a world class music program and a swim team, but is very large. DS is coming from a small private school where he has worked really hard to have friends and is happy (there is no option to stay) but the bulk of his friends are going to the public high school.

Any thoughts on how to evaluate options, e.g. how hard is it for AS kids to navigate a large public high school? how much support/if any will we get? how advantageous is it to find a place where he has lots of individualized instruction? Thanks, in advance!

Usually big high schools function as "schools within schools" in that your son will probably be in most classes with the same students, regardless of how big the school is because they'll be advanced/honors classes. There may be 6 sections of honors English 9, but it will shrink to one or two AP Eng 12. Same thing with the other subjects.

You are SO lucky to have a high school with "a tremendous academic program, a world class music program and a swim team"--Wow!

I don't have too much advice on making the choice, since we have gone the private school route all the way. And our daughter is not AS, although she is HG and has some social issues. But if I were you I would ask the psychologist for more information on why he is concerned about the public school option. He may know some specifics (for example, that the administration is not supportive when kids are bullied, etc.) that he has not shared with you yet.

Since your son's issues are primarily social and that is where his friends are going, that could be a bonus for him. It would be much harder to enter a large public school where he didn't know anyone, but if those friendships are relatively strong it could be a big help.

Here is another question: what services have you been getting in his current school environment? That might help you determine what you are may need going forward. For example, our private school has 1.5 FTE school psychologists that have been quite useful from time to time, along with a learning specialist. We wouldn't get that same level of support in the local public high school.

One thing to keep in mind is that this decision does not have to be permanent. If he tries the public school and ninth grade doesn't go so well, you probably have the option to switch him to the private school.

A final comment, not sure how you sit regarding college funds, but I have one in college and one in a private high school right now. I would advise you to give some hard thought to the finances involved. If you have a good public option, you can save a bundle of money by using it IF it works for your kid. I'm not saying you should in any way sacrifice your son's happiness & well being at this level if it comes down to that. But if all things look pretty equal, it might be worthwhile to give the public high school a try. If your son is that bright, he may have some great college options, but I saw several of my kids' high school friends turn down some great college opportunities because of finances. If you are financially "in between" and your son is not in an underrepresented group, it can be tough to wrangle much financial aid even for a bright kid.

Thanks for sharing.

He has lots of friends, but he still struggles with some of the subtle social cues that are happening even more frequently now that hormones are entering the picture (e.g. girl writes her name on his arm in pen and he wonders "why did she write her number, I already have it in the directory?"). The school he's in has very little formal support (everyone thinks he's perfect so it's even difficult to have the conversation about AS), but it's a very calm, organized and kind environment. Outside of school, we see a private psychologist and a psychiatrist (for anxiety meds). So I am just worried about the level of anxiety that he may face in a large school. I am afraid of making a mistake -- he's my first! On the finance side, you are absolutely right -- 4 years of a $35K private school would be a nice college nest egg, and we're not rich but in the middle and certainly won't qualify for any aid.
Thanks again.

I have been asking questions about placement for an AS kid in middle school.

Some of the great advice I got was to call the school, explain your son, and see what they would be willing to put in place if he needs it. For example, do they have a counselor that can talk about social skills?

Does he feel anxious about new situations? Will they agree to let him come a few weeks early or the end of the prior year to walk around and acclimate?

Will they make sure he gets placed in classes with several friends, b/c of the social cues issues?

If a girl wrote her phone number on his arm, then I am guessing he at least has personal charisma going for him, and kids might be a little more understanding of social cluelessness!

Good luck!

bk1

Is he an 8th grader or a 7th grader? If he's in 7th, you might want to consider getting in touch with the Carolyn D. Bradley scholarship folk who would help in selecting a high school: http://www.educationaladvancement.org/pages/programspages/cdbscholarship.html

Personally, the public school with the stronger music & academic programs sounds worth investigating to me. Private isn't necessarily better just b/c it is private.

Wouldn't it be very unusual for a public school to have a music program rigorous enough to challenge a Julliard-level musician? Have you confirmed the quality of this program? I would not give the music curriculum any weight unless you have done so. I would love to know where this is, if you would be willing to share.

With regards to the swimming - is he already on a team? In my experience most very competitive HS swimmers compete outside of their schools (I could be wrong on this). If he is not already on a year-round team, is it an option in your area? What are his expectations for the swim team and what does he want to get out of it?

You may already have a lot of information on the swimming and music options that you didn't include but, if not, I would definitely do more research before going further in the decision-making process. It seems like some of the "pros" of the public school option might not really be that significant.