Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Introverts - Now I Understand

I'm probably way late to the party and many may already be aware of the link, so sorry if that's the case. But some of the articles on here are so apt at describing what introverts plus introverts/gifted go through on a daily basis living in a predominately extroverted world, including school. Has really opened my eyes to the world of my DS.

This is the link:
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/personality_type.htm


I particularly liked these ones:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

http://www.dukegiftedletter.com/articles/vol6no2_ee.html

http://talentdevelop.com/articles/GiftIntrov.html

http://www.cfge.wm.edu/Gifted%20Educ%20Artices/Introversion.htm


And for all the introverts out there:

Hi Matmum,

I am (in typical introvert style), a lurker here and this is my first post. Thank you for posting this list. It was only on researching introversion in relation to my daughter that I found myself described so accurately! It was a revelation. We introverts have lots to offer - though I never knew - I always felt too intense, too slow with an answer (though often really content with my answer once I had one - because I would need time to consider all the angles) and too anti-social (though not really shy). It enabled me to find a much greater peace with myself and it has made it much easier for me not to worry about (and therefore accept) my daughter. This is just how we are and now that I know about it, I feel pretty happy with my lot (others not so much, as everyone wants an immediate response, feels slighted when I just can't do more than a couple of social events in a week etc).

Thanks for this list - I hadn't seen all of these


Ari
mumofagiftedgirl.blogspot.com

I am an extrovert who was married to an extremely gregarious extrovert for years. We were so alike, there was no "figuring each other out". Our needs were the same, so it was quite effortless. Sadly, he passed away over 6 years ago, and 2 years ago I married a man who is an introvert. At first I didn't understand him, took everything personally, had no concept of the need for alone time, and often thought he wasn't listening to me when he took "forever" to answer a question or participate in a conversation.

We went to counseling (prior to getting married) for a bit to try to make sense of our differences because we just knew we should be together. We also knew it would be difficult if we didn't learn to understand each other more clearly. So, after completing personality tests and some counseling, I discovered that my husband is an introvert. Of course, this was a concept I'd heard of, but I thought that just meant people were not as outgoing or maybe they were just shy. I didn't understand that there's a lot more to it than that. Once I began reading more and more about the introvert personality type, it all made so much sense. It was so unfair that I wasn't allowing him to be the person he is. I was trying to change him.

Now that I understand him and he understands me, our relationship runs much more smoothly. I give him time to respond during our conversations because I know he needs time to process his thoughts and consider all perspectives. I know that he needs for me to ask him questions to get him to talk about his worries, fears, or feelings. He admits it helps him to talk things out, but he is simply unable to initiate this type of conversation. I just accept that this is my role, and he appreciates that so much. I do not worry or try to stop him from spending time alone to "recharge his batteries". I know our time together will be much better if he's refreshed. Of course, there's a lot more to it than this, but I just wanted to say that this extrovert has learned so much from my introvert dh about independence, solitude, and respecting people for who they are, differences and all.

Our son is an extrovert like me, and because my dh "gets me" and understands my needs, it's easier for him to relate to our son. Sometimes it's an effort for him to give him what he needs, but he's a great dad and is willing to go to great lengths to meet ds's need for deep conversation and social interaction.

I think there are lots of people out there who do not understand introversion. I think learning about this can help with lots of relationship issues at home, at work, etc. Thanks for posting this!

Learning about personality types really helped me understand my DD7.
She is an introvert, but she still likes being social. The effect is that she wears out quickly when around other people.

It was a great revelation to me to learn that she is actually using energy when being around people and gains energy during alone time.
too much social interaction = meltdown

It was a life changing lesson for us. Introverts don't always want to be alone but sometimes they need it even if they don't realize or want it.

I have since taught her to pay attention to her needs and realize when she need some quiet time, before having the meltdown.

Hi Kvmum and welcome!

I thought I knew what being introverted was, but I didn't, and I'm embarrassed that it has taken me this long to work it out.:(
My son is definitely on the extreme end of things and I have struggled and worried over the years with what I saw as his "self imposed solitary confinement", lack of friends, lack of social life and so on. Then on the other hand he could stand up in front of the school and give a speech no problem, I just didn't think the two went together. Now it is finally (duh) making sense to me and maybe, just maybe I will start worrying a little less about him being lonely. Oh, and I will have to put this into practice:


If only I had a dollar for every time I have said those exact words.