Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Getting cold feet

Hello! Thank you for all the advices and recommended resources on this forum. I don't know what I would have done without the reading and support here.

Tomorrow is the big day.... we are meeting with the school team (principle, GT teacher, classroom teacher and counselor) to discuss plans for DD6. We are hoping her recent scores will be enough to convince the school for an IEP, but trying to keep an open mind to any recommendation the school has to offer.

I am getting cold feet and nervous. (I don't know why I should be nervous.) The forecast of possible snow in the morning is not helping.

Any last minute advice to help warm the feet and calm the nerve will be greatly appreciated!

Mag... trying to remind myself to stay calm.... sometimes I am just too blunt....

PS: What are some "tough" or unexpected questions from schools that you encountered in your meetings?

I found reviewing this article about assertiveness and effective parent advocacy helps me with the pre-meeting jitters. Good luck!
http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/advo.parent.sherrett.htm

I understand the blunt. That's me. I had a 2 hour IEP meeting with a very large group of people and it got heated at times. Luckily, my husband was there to balance me out when I was to over the top . So the only advice I can give is to stay calm and use education lingo. If you are in a state with some protections they will likely have the word "appropriate" in their mandates. They will also understand FAPE-Free and Appropriate Educaiton.

I just keep going back to the phrase, "I know we all want to see DS6 get an appropriate education." and "As part of DS6's free and appropriate education, I'd like to see him working on a level he hasn't already mastered 2 years ago." Stating it this way they couldn't help but agree. I mean what could they say. No I don't want him to have an appropriate education. Or worse. No I want him to work on something he's already masterd. LOL. Now that would have been hiliarious!

I digress. Basically I kept it logical, as much as possible. They understand numbers, statistics you can prove, laws and regulations of the areas, and educational research you can quote.

Good luck!

Hi inky and Momma Bear,

Thanks for the luck! And thank you for the article and the word "appropriate." Your paragraph on the phrase of "I'd like to see him working on a level he hasn't already mastered 2 years ago" is a good one. We will likely be using it tomorrow morning.

One of the biggest fear we have is that the school will say (as we have heard many times from various educators) that the primary teacher is responsible for differentiating and giving level-appropriate assignment for each child. We really like DD's current teacher because she is trying, but obviously is limited by the time and resources available when dealing with 20 students of various reading and math levels. She is open to suggestions but the actual implementation that is hard to accomplish. The last thing we want is for DD's teacher to feel like she is not doing a good job. She is doing a great job under the circumstance. We have emphasized to her many times that we appreciate her effort, but still afraid we might hurt her feeling. Sigh....

Thanks again,
Mag

Hi Mag - good luck

You can try throwing out the quote that differentiation works when the child's readiness to learn level is within 3 grade levels of the class average, but that beyond 3 grade levels is too much for any teacher to accomplish. I don't think that there is any research to back that up, but it's what I've heard the other YSP moms and dads talking about. Sometimes I attribute stuff to 'My Internet Parents of Unsually Gifted Children group has found...' and then refer the school to Davidson's Educators Guild who provide free help to schools.

My main advice is -
1) take notes, it will give your hands something to do if they say: 'But how will she feel when the other kids have their driver's license' or whatever. And they will.

2) The minute the meeting is over, type up your notes, post them here, and then send an email to everyone who was at the meeting, saying: 'Sometimes it's hard for me to listen to so many ideas, so if you don't mind, I've typed up what I heard you say at the meeting, and request that you look it over and let me know if this is what was actually said and agreed to:'

3) Sometimes I've left these meeting feeling emotionally beat up, so if you can arrange something fun for later in the day, that would be good. Sometimes I've left the meetings 'high as a kite' over promises that were made, and never intended to be followed through on.

4) A basic fact of life is that Parents and Educators use the same words to mean totally different things. Don't 'smile and nod' at the generalities that float by. Instead say: 'I'm not sure what you are saying, could you give a specific example?' Be polite, but if you have a part of yourself that want approval and to please people - metaphorically tie that part up and muzzle her. Hey, we are conditioned that way. Instead, take all of us in there with you, larger than life and able to extract karmic justice when needed. You role is to help the school realize that THEY have a problem, and that YOUR solution is best for all concerned. Kind of a facilitator.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Just some last minute best wishes!

Good luck today, Mag. Let us know how it goes.

Good luck! Can't wait to hear how it went this morning. I'm thinking about you!

(A long post....)

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for all the good wishes and luck and advice-- They helped!

We sent out an email prior to the meeting to thank them for their time, to give them an idea of where we are coming from, to state what we know about our state and district policies, and to include a couple of IQ and achievement scores. We also mentioned that just like different levels of special needs students require different interventions, different levels of gifted students require different learning environments.

(Our school is very well known for their exceptional service for the special needs, which is good. In fact, many parents bought properties here specifically to transfer their special needs children in this particular school.)

Going into the meeting, our goal is for DD(6, in K) to have a flexible IEP so DD can accelerate in areas of her strength (math and reading) while taking other courses (arts, music, PE, etc.) with her same-age peers.

The meeting included the principle, the counselor, GT coordinator, and DD's current teacher.

They asked us what do we hope to accomplish. We asked for their thoughts on how to best challenge DD in her areas of strength. We were also curious as to what has the school done for the other highly gifted students? (Through the grapevine of gossiping: the last student ended up grade-skipping mid-year and is currently in 6th grade. There were two other families ended up sending their children to private school and/or home school.)

The initial suggestion by principle was whole-grade acceleration by having DD take the credit-by-examination test. But the concerns of DD's writing skills and emotional maturity made this option less optimal. Everyone agreed that we will reconsider this option when DD is older.

We tried to steer the discussion to the options of IEP by asking if DD qualifies for "Level 4 Gifted Service." Our school district follows Dr. Donald Treffinger�s Levels of Service Model. We spent most of the time brain-storming different ideas for the IEP.

Possible options suggested:

1. Pull DD out for "above-grade" (for a lack of better words) GT programs. For example, in addition to DD's kindergarten gifted program which meets for one hour per week, DD will be pulled when 2nd grade gifted students meet too.
2. Attending 2nd or 3rd grade level reading and science classes. Two concerns: schedule conflict because every grade has a set schedule and DD's writing skills won't be able to complete the required book reports and/or science papers.
3. DD's current teacher would get math worksheets from 3rd or 4th grade teachers and offer them to DD during the normal kindergarten math time.
4. On-line distance learning independently and/or with a staff.

Throughout the meeting, the principle and DD's teacher were sympathetic. The principle stated that there are so many services for the special needs at one spectrum, why is there so little for the gifted? She also brought up the importance of being flexible while formulating the educational plan. The counselor mentioned the importance of not feeling bored in class.

One concern they had was, "What are we going to teach DD if she finishes 4th grade math before she reaches 4th grade?" (Our elementary school is k-4, follow by intermediate schools.) We brought up the online courses. But they are not sure if it can be offered. They are willing to check with the district and the computer teacher.

The counselor tried to focus on the social and emotional well being.

Overall, we are glad to know that they are trying. We will be sending a follow-up letter to summarize the meeting and to emphasize the advantages of the online math course. (1) DD will be able to learn at her own pace. (2) Online course will be the less likely to cause schedule conflicts (since it can be done at any time). (3) DD will be able to learn >4th grade level math while still stay in elementary school.

Another good outcome is that someone asked if we will be doing this for DS also. We smiled and we hope he will be able to get into kindergarten next year (he missed the cut off dates by 24 days).

Again, thank you all for your support! We will keep you posted--our follow-up meeting is scheduled for March 9th.

Mag

PS: Is there a save option when posting? Sorry about the sloppy grammar and spelling.... time flew and had to pick up little guy from school now.

Sounds like a productive meeting.

I love the idea of #1.
I think that #2 might be a good idea - particularly if she can be attend the 2nd or 3rd grade classes with 'Kindy level' expectations for 'Kindy credit.' That way she can stay interested as her writing skills catch up to her.
Online Math at school is something that she might need to do when she completes the school curriculum, but I'd rather have her do 3rd or 4th grade Math in a classroom setting now, and let her work independently later, when she is more mature. But that time the school may have 'grown into their role as her educator' and be more open to you partial homeschooling for Math, or they may notice that a good number of their current 4th graders are ready for 5th or 6th grade math, and a mini-class may magically appear for her.

If kids loved learning online at an early age, then everyone would be doing it. (It's a lot cheaper than hiring teachers, no?) There are a few kids who like it long term, but mostly, kids tend to like being in classrooms with classmates and a teacher to interact with.

Well Done!
Grinity