Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments my son is being evaluated for special ed...

and I have a sinking feeling about it.

Here is some background:

My son is very bright, assessed for gifted and talented at his previous school, but has yet to have a formal IQ test. Based on my read of him (and yes I know I am biased being his mama, but a lot of his giftedness to me is exhibited by the not so positive aspects of being gifted) he is highly gifted.

He has extreme over overexcitabilities, is emotionally sensitive, and has difficulties relating to same age peers.

He has been in a different school every year since Kindergarten-- Kindergarten went alright, but first grade was so bad we pulled him midyear and homeschooled. After moving to a new city, we decided to go for the local, well-rated public school. He had a pretty good year, but towards the end of the year, he was increasingly acting out and developing his role as the 'class clown.' He was clearly underachieving. He wrestles with perfectionism, and will tear up work and simply not try if he can't do it perfectly.

So this year we tried a new Montessori charter school. He is in a mixed aged 1-3 class (he is a 3rd grader).

He has always said that he loves the school, and talks about being happy there (or what he says makes me think he is happy there). But at the same time, his behavior has alarmed the teachers so much that he is being evaluated by the school psychologist.

I think that this is good--they will do a full IQ assessment (his qualification as gifted from his previous school was based on a group administered achievement test), and an emotional evaluation.

But I am also terrified of a misdiagnosis. I mean, he is a different sort of kid, and I have always wondered if he has Asperger's--but then he is *highly* coordinated, learning to ride a bike at a young age, and has no problem interacting/conversing with adults, and brings us pictures he has drawn, etc.

Perhaps he has something else--SPD, etc. But its hard to say. He is sensitive, and has *a lot* of anxiety (which should be treated-- and hopefully he will be treated for his anxiety through all of this).

And please don't get me wrong, if he really is something, I'm not in denial about it, you know? I want to help my child.

I am trying to get a hold of misdiagnosis and dual diagnoses of gifted children... I may just have to scrape together the money and buy it.

But I'm just nervous about it all. He could use help, he so desperately wants to be friends with other kids, but doesn't exactly know how.

Anyone BTDT?? Thanks!

Hi Starman. It looks like the Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis book is available on Google Book. They don't have the entire book online, but the first 150 pages are available for reading - might be good to check it out until you get a chance to buy the book. When my DS 6 was tested last year the psych recommended the book for my super active son as he believed that there was the potential that a school/teacher might misdiagnose at some point. My son tested at HG/PG, but is not reading or doing math at advanced levels, he is simply only interested in what interests him at this point. DS is also the class clown and does his best to get a laugh whenever he can, even at his own expense. He has struggled socially; we're hoping this will improve as he matures. He knows how to play with kids, he just never seems to click with anyone. I was concerned about ADHD, but after two hours with DS, the psych was adamant that he definitely did not have a LD. It certainly put our minds at ease. I think the key to an evaluation is having someone who is familiar with gifted kids, and their characteristics (and quirks). The evaluation may be a good thing - I would just want to make sure that the person conducting the evaluation has experience with gifted kids.

I think you should ask the school to do not just a psych eval but a neuropsych eval if you think he could be on the spectrum. Also, if there's any way you can afford an outside eval, I would do that.

In additon, you do not have to allow them to lable him anything you don't like. You have to sign off on whatever they come up with, so if you don't like it, don't sign it. I'd try to stay away from an ED (emotionally disturbed) label. Anxiety, depression, and ADHD would all get an OHI (other health impairment) label. You can negotiate at the meeting.

If he has an IEP, you can have social goals added.

Go to wrightslaw.com and read up on the process. There are a lot of resources there.

My ds is also being evaluated for special ed. He has dysgraphia and ADHD.

Insurance may pay for the Evals. Something to consider.

This is not my area of expertise but here are my thoughts.

Sometimes gifted kids act AHDA when nothing is wrong with them because they are underchallenged at school and stressed about it. That was my son's situation in 2nd Grade.

I have heard that it is best to have someone with gifted experience do these evaluations. Although, in our experience everything seemed to work out find with our school Psycologist not gifted experienced. The school payed for all of this so that helped too. If you or your insurance pays I would look for gifted experience.

Best of luck to you and DC.

I too am going through all of this with my 3rd grader. don't let them label him ED. It is a stigma that will affect his future perseption by teachers. Get the book you mentioned some how or way. I also contacted Dr. Amend who is based in Lexington, Ky. He is on the web as well. We made phone contact which is great. I am also using the behavor clinic through my local children's hospital. This is how we came up with the tourettes.

The counselor described my little guy as made up of many different flavors. He really isn't one set thing but little bits of all the initials that are thrown at kids.

It is a lot of work and you will cry but you are your childs advocate.
My Meeting is next week also so we will see how it goes.

Thank you for all of your replies!

First of all, I feel kind of railroaded by the teacher during the meeting... I mean, I knew of some of the things going on, but it was worse when he first began at the school, but that was months ago, and his behavior is very different now. But certain things that they described at this meeting, things that happened that demonstrate his "aggression"-- well this was the first time I had heard of these things happening!!!

They kept saying he has high aggression. Now, if you've spent time with my kid you would know he can be bossy, and a bit pushy with other kids. He doesn't really know how to relate to other kids. He might say, "LEAVE ME ALONE." But he isn't "aggressive" as in hitting other children for no reason. If he is pushed, he'll push back. But he is *tiny* compared to other kids his age, so it isn't like he is physically intimidating other children, you know??

Also, other kids will tease him and teachers don't always pick up on it. He will respond with full force, because he doesn't like to be teased. So the teacher's don't see the initial teasing, but will see his response (because you can't avoid it).

So that was hard to hear all this stuff, and I just wondered why they hadn't mentioned this before???

So there was that shock... and then I just feel like things that happened when he was first at the school--months ago, are now being held up as his "normal" behavior.

I will get Misdiagnosis. Is it weird to bring the book to the meeting with the psych?? I just feel like all of this is based on this persons limited interaction with my child. And he has been in so many schools and never thought of as having problems--sure he was quirky, and anxious.

We have sought help for his Anxiety-- but our insurance is horrible and we weren't really comfortable with going the route that the insurance covered. We might just have to pay for it out of pocket.

I will ask for a full neuropsych. evaluation if they assert he is on the spectrum. I know many kids all over the spectrum, and just don't see my son being there--of course if he were I'd have no problem with it and embrace it. I know that labels (like the gifted label :lol ) can be helpful.

The ED label freaks me out! And that just isn't my kid at all.

Although, again we would love to have some help with the anxiety and the socialization.

I don't know about the psych. but I do know that the special ed teacher at our school also works at the gifted magnet here (which is for gifted kids, not high achieving kids). Because of this, I was initially comfortable with the evaluation, and thought it would be helpful. But now I just feel like crying!

You are right Vicam--about the crying. Also, Vicam, as a side note, have you seen the movie �Phoebe In Wonderland," about a child with tourettes. It is really a lovely movie--it might be too intense for your son at this point.

its like just when I think we are good, it all hits the fan. But maybe I'm just worried, and it will all work out.

Thank you! It is so good to know that this happens to other families, as crappy as that sounds. But I feel so alone as a parent of a child like this... the gifted kids we know are typically high achievers.

Oddly, getting an ED label for our son bought him some time for his social emotional growth to catch up to his age mates. The ED label was put on the beginning of third grade and is being removed now (mid 5th grade.) The first year it was a blessing, when he felt unable to hold it together in the classroom for whatever reason, he could leave and go to theemotional support room, unwind, relax then go back to class. With the students leaving here and there for all sorts of things, band lessons, gifted pull out, reading help etc.., it was never a big deal.

He still tends toward the class clown, but has matured a bit and is able to keep contol in the classroom better. Since the lable is removed prior to leaving elementary school, nothing in his records will impact him later in his schooling or life choices.

elh0706, that is good to know that it can be removed from the file. But how do you know it is completely removed?? Can you review it before he leaves school?

I have a class clown, too. I think he just feels so self-conscious and feels different. It will be interesting to see how he is nect year, in a class of 4-6th grade children, instead of now being 1-3 (and being the oldest).

And do you agree with the psych description? Or did you just accept it because it bought your son some space/ breathing room? what kind of additional services did it allow your son to access?

Thank you for your help!

Starman, let your child be evaluated but don't let the school railroad you. If your child does need the support services allow him to get what he needs. The ed label is so tricky, because when a child needs the services they REALLY need them, but it may also be a way for an out of the box child to be unnecessarily branded. Read all the idea rights carefully -- if your state has gifted IEP's and there really is something there it could be the secondary exceptionality. There are three year re-valuations as well.

I agree with aline...we went through this exact same thing with DS7 at the beginning of this school year. I felt railroaded even with an advocate and a full slew of test results. The teacher and guidance counselor chose to focus on his behavior (which was stemmed from him being bored out of his mine and not knowing the correct way to handle his frustration as a 6 year old at the time). They kept telling me that they wanted to asses for Aspergers and we kept telling them that he does not fit the label and that our ped outright laughed when I told them what they wanted to do. we did their assessment and it showed he had zero chance of having Aspergers but that he was highly gifted.

I was stunned when our advocate informed us that it was clear that this school was not going to work with us and that she suggested we "fib" during the assessment process in order to get him staffed as Aspergers because then they would be required to focus more on getting his needs met. I refused because I did not want my child to be improperly labeled. I also suggest the read MisDiagnosis- excellent book. At one point we had considered driving to Kentucky to meet with Dr. Amend for gifted testing....we set up a phone conference with him and he was So incredibly fascinating to listen to on the phone...he shared that SO many gifted children get misdiagnosed and that you know your child best

this is what I am fearful of happening. I don't know, I'm partially grateful to the school for noticing these things, because they are troubling and my ds does need some help with the socialization, etc.

but the way it is happening makes my stomach a knot. I should get Misdiagnosis today and I'll read it, and study it.

I have read what is available on googlebooks.

Belle, was your child able to get help, even without the Aspie label?? Did you think he needed it?

Rather than rehash, thought I'd offer this thread if you haven't come across it...some discussion of anxiety, depression, adhd, aspergers and how it can all be very confusing.

The suggested neuropsychological eval (from keet's post) is the way to go if at all possible, as it looks at the whole child, environment, etc. rather than just one issue and try to fit it to the child's behavior

http://giftedissues.davidsongifted..../47294/Depression_or_ADHD.html#Post47294

chris1234,
thanks for the link. My ds sounds a lot like yours just from the post--he is very outgoing and social, but doesn't connect with other kids, and I know it bothers him. He tries really hard. He does have some friends at school now, although he still feels awkward around them.

I would say that my son has had depressive episodes, and anxiety. So I am happy that we are getting some help.

I am looking for a neuropsychologist in our area...

thank you.

Hello,
We had a similar experience with the school in that they told us my older son has Aspeger's. Now, I am not positive he does, but I started to look at what they would do for him if he did, and I decided that if he received a formal diagnosis I would make the most of it.

My DS8 gets sensory lab in the mornings for Aspegers. Whether or not he has Aspegers, it is really helping him with sensory over-excitabilities. He is being taught trigger points and how to deal with them. I look at all these coping techniques and feel that I made the right call.:)

This is an interesting point. Man, this is so hard. Does your son know about the label? Or have you not told him kept him from it?

I want to interject something into this thread. Think about the adults you know, perhaps especially hg/pg males, and think about their "position" on the autistic spectrum. I don't know about many of you but there is a significant number of extremely successful people that I know who would be labeled as children but are perfectly smart but odd adults. The fear issue around some of this childhood labeling is destructive.

aline, do you mean that the fear of the labeling is destructive or the labeling is destructive?

I don't know, I think that a child who isn't on the spectrum being treated for something that they don't have *would*/ *could* be very destructive.

Its like everyone treating you like you have a condition that you don't have.

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody�"

I think some labels are negative. I was terrified of the labels, but I have found positive support from it and the work that they are doing with my son is great. They think he will not need special ed forever, just a few years to learn what he needs to to be able to cope himself.

To be honest, this is a godsend for me. My father, my brother, and I are all people with hypersensitivities. I can't handle loud noises or too much olfactory input, especially when I'm stressed or tired. But, I was never taught to cope. I am very successful, have never had it fully interfere with me doing my job. My only problem is that I avoid. Since I do not know how to handle myself in these stressful situations, I try not to be in them, rather than having learned how to work past it.:/

I also had hypersensitivities but was able to compensate well enough that it didn't affect my job performance. I also found ways to avoid stressful situations.

Now that I am older and life is unavoidably stressful because of a husband who had cancer, a son that has nightmares that his dad will die soon, a mom who is severely disabled but lives next door and a dad who takes care of her but has health issues of his own. I have to focus on homeschooling my son who is twice exceptional but wonders out loud if he shouldn't be teaching me instead of me trying to teach him and asks if I realize that sometimes he just hates me because I make him wear a painful scoliosis brace and I am the one who tightens the straps. I strive for that feeling of equanimity (just learned that word thanks to my son) but can't seem to find it. My son and I read that happy people who don't let stress get to them live longer and my son is a very good comedian, but even still my blood pressure goes up. I wish I had learned to deal with it better when I was young. I want my son to be able to feel that he can deal with anything that life throws at him and still find a way to be happy and calm. I think he was right and I was wrong a few weeks ago when I yelled at him because I was stressed because we were going to be late for a piano lesson. He stopped and hugged his dog. I said we didn't have time. He said "I'll always have time to stop and hug my dog." He is right. There should always be time for hugs. We will make time for that. The world will not end if we are a few minutes late.

Lori,
Hugs to you!
I'm sorry for all of the difficulties in your life. I hope you have a faith life that guides you and instructs you and comforts you.
I had scoliosis too! I'm trying to remember if my mom had to tighten it for me. I know I could get out of it on my own (I had nervous stomach for a while and had to get out of it quickly so I wouldn't aspirate since it was an up-to-the-neck Milwaukee brace.) The good news is, I'm 45 now, no back problems through 3 pregnancies, no back pain or problems. It's definitely worth fixing!!
Feel free to contact me individually.

I have the reputation of being cold, stone sober at work when things go bad. If only people knew. One of our executives is amazing, and most would think the stress never gets to him, but it does. He has told me. DW leads a BU of a publicly traded firm and just gets hammered at work - it gets to her, too. It gets to everyone. I work out 4-6 times a week. DW plays tennis. Anything to get your mind off work or worry is one way to deal with it. Another way to deal with it is to face the issues - sometimes DW wakes up worrying and then just gets up and goes in to work - at 2 AM!

I definitely have OE and know I am on the Autism spectrum somewhere. I also know that I have compensated in many ways. I've read a lot of books on emotions and social interaction trying to understand others because I was blind to much this growing up. Something just filters it out and still does. it is not that I don't care - I just cannot sense it. it is like not having heat receptors in your fingertips - you get burned!

Many, many high performing adults have self-treated themselves in some way. For kids who are "labelled" - they get the treatment NOW rather than having to wait half their lives to get it done. It is like braces for the soul!!! Its gotta happen sooner or later so get it over with!

Here is my take. This filter makes me good at high pressure situations because I do not pick up others' fear. I can then focus on the issue and get others to focus as well. In addition, my OE on some things, and my auto-compensation means that I can control myself better than NDs because I have faced panic most every day growing up. I can automatically operate while scared to death.

Another point to make is that because I lived with fear a lot, I can empathize with others who are in fear, now that I know what it looks like in ND people, and due to how I felt I was left out growing up, I am sensitive to others being left out, too.

Temple Grandin makes this point. And it is High Irony that an Aspie is telling the world to accept all kinds of minds - to be tolerant and empathetic.

http://www.ted.com/talks/temple_grandin_the_world_needs_all_kinds_of_minds.html

Be careful b/c the folder does follow the child even if it is considered inactive and the new teachers have access to it. There are as many preconceptions about ed as gifted.. Some educators get an image of ed and thats it. They can't be served in the regular room but need services to deal w/ behavor. Don't give child chance so to speak or jump on the first misbehvor as excuse.. This comes from someone on the inside.

This post was a response to Starman's question several entries ago. Seems like we were all fascinated by this thread and many were submitting responses at the same time.

I tend to think both are destructive. Our notion of "normal" has become so narrow that we, as a society, have an increasingly low tolerance for variety among personalities.

Though Asperger's was never suggested for DS, I know several friends who have accepted this label for their DC. And I, though my opinion is only that, have always thought those children shouldn't be labeled as such. It seems to me that every 5 year old who is intellectually a 10 year old and shows a doctor he/she can't socialize with another 5 year old b/c he/she would rather discuss algebra is labeled as Asperger's these days. And that is so wrong, imo.

that is awesome! Sounds like a great guy.

I agree with this, but really, after talking with his teacher more about his behavior, he is really acting differently and in a disruptive manner at school. The thing is, he is a totally different kid at school then at home. I think he just gets really excited (overexcited?) but the kids... although we have 4 kids at home so he is *always* around kids...

I have also talked with his teacher who is committed to making his experience at the school a success, which is very reassuring.

Thank you everyone for all the replies and shared experiences. It is really super helpful to know what other people have felt and done in this circumstance.

Overall, I think it will be a positive experience for my son, and we picked up a copy of misdiagnosis so hopefully that will gives us some responses to reads that don't seem right to us.

I don't agree with accepting a misdiagnosis. My son already feels different, I don't want to be dishonest and let him think he has something he doesn't, you know?

I much more comfortable with being on the same page as his teachers and stuff, too.

I'll be sure to let y'all know what happens.

Glad to hear the teacher sounds open minded about finding out what is really up with your ds. Best of luck to you, please do let us know what progress you and he make!
I agree it's very reassuring to realize there are plenty of kids who go through this sort of thing...you would think it would be seen as more 'normal'.

My concern with over-diagnosis and mis-diagnosis is that an diagnosis is a subjective thing based on someone's opinion. The Asperger diagnosis can actually fit a lot of quirky, gifted kids IMHO. I honestly think that myself and my dh may have been labelled as AS, but were not since we grew up in the 1960's. I am not sure how that would have colored or changed our lives since we both have/had successful careers. I also wonder would Einstein or Bill Gates have been successful if they had been labelled in childhood.


OTOH, I believe that diagnosis can be a good thing since it allows for treatment. I worry that autism is increasing possibly due to some environmental or genetic causes. In the 60's, you did not hear of this or see this as you do nowadays
I just do not want to see a diagnosis or medication made in haste for children IMHO especially when behavioral modifications could be done.


My ds is a quirky, gifted child who educators have expressed concern about. We did have him evaluated privately and by the school. He does not fit all of the criteria for AS and the doctor really did not have any recommendations besides considering a social skills group. We chose to not get the diagnosis of AS. We figure if he needs it, then we can get it. My ds participates in boy scouts, soccer, homeschool co-op, etc. He is a lovely, friendly boy. We did pull him out of school to do public cyber charter school at home which allows him to advance at his own pace We tried both a public and a montessori school and frankly, I think they were itching to put a label on him which my dh and I disagreed with since the doctor felt that even if he does have AS that it is "very mild."

I want to interject something into this thread. Think about the adults you know, perhaps especially hg/pg males, and think about their "position" on the autistic spectrum. I don't know about many of you but there are a significant number of extremely successful people that I know who would have been labeled as children but are perfectly smart but odd adults. The fear issue around some of this childhood labeling is destructive. (from earlier in this thread)
____________________________________________________________________________________
Not sure how to quote properly! Have just read a Vanity Fair portrait of an obviously brilliant aspie type. All grown up and functioning remarkably well. See what you think.
http://www.vanityfair.com/business/features/2010/04/wall-street-excerpt-201004

yeah, If my DS as AS it is very mild, too. To the point where one minute I think yes, the next, no...

Tomorrow is the big meeting with the school psych, special ed teacher, and teachers...

And my husband can't make it due to work, so I am so nervous.

UGH! But at least we'll know... and know whether we need to go with the whole neuropsych eval. or not.

My son has been doing very well in school lately, though, both socially and academically... so at least we aren't in crisis mode!

I hope your meeting went well!

We have our meeting tomorrow so I'm anxiously awaiting that. The psych at the school has already informed me that he probably won't qualify for services unless he ends up qualifying as 'autistic like'. He seems a lot like your DS - some days we think he might have AS, other days we don't. He has some characteristics but not all and is definitely his own personality - everybody loves him but he just doesn't do that well socially.

I think either way we'll be taking the school's report to our ped so we can get a referral for pt/ot (which the school thinks he could really use which is why they want to qualify him for services) and maybe a neuropsych for a full eval. We'll see...

Anyways I hope you got great news at your meeting!

Courtney,

I hope your meeting went well!

The special ed teacher at school called this morning to push the meeting to next week... I was so bummed. I just want to get it over with, yk? And now another week of waiting....

Fun times!

Time for the tried and true wine and waiting game.

I couldn't wait anymore.

It is funny, but the longer I waited, I begin to think that maybe my son does have very mild ASD, like Asperger's. The thing that always ruled that out was that he has excellent fine motor skills, and is pretty coordinated.

Add to this, my brother, 2 years my senior, thinks that he has undiagnosed AS.

So I just couldn't wait another week!
I called the school psych today, and was actually surprised that she does not suspect AS at all. She said that this didn't even come up on her radar when she talked to him.

Now of course this is a school psych and not a full on evaluation, but I was so relieved. She said that she thinks that some of his behavior problems and social problems stem from him being "really, really bright."

So here I was, thinking that all the problems stemmed from giftedness, and then I thought that maybe that was just wishful thinking, and I was blinded by my love/pride in my son. So I was open to the idea of AS... and then nope...

She agreed me the report before the meeting, even though it might not all make sense.

I felt really good about the interaction, and was pleased that she just said that she was "one member of this team, where we will come together and try to figure out a plan to best help" my son.

Sometimes it does turn out alright! Hopefully the meeting goes well, but at least I don't have to worry... as much.

Glad things seem alright!

We also don't seem to be AS though he does have a decent amount of characteristics. But she said that a lot of that may actually come from being gifted and underchallenged. (Not that they're really doing anything about that....)

As the mother of a 14 yr old who is underachieving due to boredom and some mislabeling (lazy...sheesh) I am so happy to hear that they are not pigeonholing you into some crap diagnosis! Congrats, it sounds like you have a good woman on your side.

Dace, you are right! I guess I have been habituated to disappointment and to always think worst case scenario. But I am really pleased. She even offered to send me the report and offered to take anything out of there if I disagreed, or it made me uncomfortable.

For the first time in weeks I've felt at ease and really happy, and not worrying about this horrible looming thing!

Thank you, everyone! I'll post about the big meeting, but I think it is going to be productive and not some awful experience.

Well, we had the meeting. And it sucked. It took me a week to process everything, and now I really need to share this with a sympathetic bunch.

We had the meeting, the psych reviews the tests--IQ and Woodcock Johnson blah blah blah gifted blah blah.

Then we review some of the behaviors. Extreme emotional reaction. Extreme anger. Poor impulse control. Refusal to work. Difficulty with peers.

And then she pulls out the "emotional disturbance" form.

She starts talking about this and that... that this will allow my son to meet with a school psych once a week (!) and I just say, "I am not signing that. There is no way I am going to label my 8 year-old son as emotionally disturbed"

I was so disappointed. Yes, my son has some obstacles. He has a lot to learn. But isn't that why he is in school?

So she goes through the checklist on the form and I just say I'm check disagree. I don't care what you think, but this is not going to help my already anxious, overly self-conscious son.

I ask if he can get services (which are ? I just want him to have some breathing room, and yes help with Anxiety. I'm still conflicted about this.) through OHI for his anxiety. (OMG, thank you for pointing this out to me! I wouldn't have known to ask for this without your help!!!)

She says, no-anxiety would be the ED label.

I leave feeling really sad. And scared for my kid. How will he be able to be the brilliant, funny, sweet kid I know him to be with all of this facing him?
******

The psych calls me the next day. She is confused because she has never had a child who needed services, but the services were refused. I tell her I'm not opposed to my child getting services, I am opposed to him being labeled "emotionally disturbed."

She did check and said he could get services under OHI for anxiety, but will need a diagnosis. Fine! I'll do that.

She calls back 30 minutes later with "oh your doctor wrote on his health form "Generalized anxiety disorder"

So she doesn't read the note from the doctor until AFTER ALL OF THIS?

So I went in today and signed the stuff agreeing to OHI for anxiety. We'll still have the meeting for IEP. I've calmed down and was glad the psych check this for us, and it seems like it might work.

But I am still conflicted. Part of me is like, " yes, gifted education IS special education" and the other part of me is like "Why is my son, who last year was awkward in social situations, and the class clown, and underachieving, suddenly an ED case in this school?"

Is it the freedom--and so there is more wackiness? Is it that he now is responsible for the work he chooses to do and coupled with his anxiety is working through some heavy perfectionism and slackerness?

I need to find a psych to go to out of school, too. Someone who gets gifted kids.

Thank you for reading this.

You're right, it sucks. I had some thoughts while reading your post. The first is that the school may feel as if there is some policy requirement that an anxiety disorder has to be called ED in order for him to qualify for services. Maybe somebody told them that and they don't know enough to know that that's not accurate. But, I think you did the right thing in refusing to label him ED and in insisting that anything they "diagnose" him with is accurate. Also, I wonder if the difference in how your son is perceived by his teachers is purely a result of him having been at different schools over the years. Perhaps, and I don't know the specifics of your schools, the student populations at the schools are very different and at, say, the Montessori school, they are much less likely to see a wide range of behaviors and so your DS sticks out more. I know that with one of my DSs, the teacher each year had a huge impact on how my DS was described. One year a teacher actually told me he wasn't good at anything, while the next year the teacher told me he was one of the top students in the class.

I think trying to find a non-school psych to go to would be a very good idea.

I forget if you said this earlier, but what was the reason you decided to stop homeschooling after having tried it? Is hsing an option again?

OMG my heart goes out to you. Def. see a psychologist who works with gifted kids. I found a great one on the www.sendgifted.org Your son seems like a typical gifted child. If I left my DS7 in public school who knows what they would have labeled him.

My DS7 would not buy a bottle of water today for fear he would be ID'd . The sign did not specify they would ID for alchoholic beverages just said if you are under 30 they will ID.

One therapist could call him crazy another could call him clever to read the sign.

I will say the diagnosis helps at times when you're advocating. I just went through this. My child was having more behavior problems as the year progressed, but a lot better than last year. I was hearing a lot of words like "defiant" coming from the school.

When I went to the IEP meeting, the first thing I said to everyone (including my child's teacher) was "Is my child defiant, or is this a symptom of his syndrome?" At first there was some defensiveness, but eventually we started talking about triggers and how to correct him and how to handle the anxiety that any of these programs tends to trigger in him.

I guess my point is that how people frame the behaviors in their minds helps them deal with them differently. If the behavior seems defiant, and the teacher has not other context to put it in, the teacher will take the behavior personally and be defensive and upset about it. If the behavior is framed as a symptom of the disorder, the teacher can pull back and see that it is not about them. I admit that some teachers still can't pull back, but then you have the law on your side.

If you have the resources and/or insur. Consider having your child evaluated by a child psychologist or developmental pediatrician. You can find either by contacting a medical school or medical center in your area.

Hi Artana,
Does having an IEP mean special ed?
My son def has anxiety issues.
So that classifies as a disorder even with a high IQ?
I am in NYC so maybe each state is diff.

An IEP means, in almost every state that the child meets the standards for Special Ed.

Here, I found this for you, from NY:

http://www.vesid.nysed.gov/specialed/publications/policy/parentguide.htm

It's extremely important that you become aware of where your rights lie. For instance, in PA, I can disagree with the IEP, call IEP meetings if I feel that something has changed or is going wrong, and even push it to court if the IEP is not being followed. Granted, it's always better to work closely with the school, but this document gives your child rights that they are not allowed to ignore. Many states do not have gifted education moneys or rights, but IEPs are based on the Federal requirements for persons with disabilities and so are there for you anywhere you go. In PA, if a child has IEP and GIEP, the Gifted stuff needs to be wrapped in the IEP needs, as is the case, I think, in NY. These are the twice-exceptional children that you read about a lot. We have a board here for parents with children like that and there is a lot of help that you can get asking questions there.

I was really scared when my kids got diagnosed. Now, I see the leverage it gives me in making sure their needs are net. For instance, what you said about anxiety...every behavior plan with my AS son has to be vetted for anxiety-inducing components and they are watched very carefully, because the school is now aware that anxiety changes his behavior for the negative.

Wow Artana that is very interesting. I have heard of twice expceptional but didn't think it applied to anxiety issues.
So does your child get advanced work as well then??

What about later on applying to schools wouldn't this be a negative?

I am by no means an expert, but this is what I did with my child. I told them straight-out that all the behavior issues and anxiety issues would get worse if he was bored all day. Luckily, he has a GIEP too. A lot of programs try to make behavior a requirement for Gifted. I argued that they had to meet his academic needs so we could get a true baseline for his behavior, and in the meanwhile, I would support them trying behavior plans that sounded reasonable.

Two, some of these diagnosis are fairly common in brighter students so aren't considered negative. If your child has anxiety issues, but every year there were less problems and both the school and you has that documented, then that sets a good strong pattern. The goal with my son is to have him get some accomodations, but not need as much by the time he gets to High School. The pattern of increased independent regulation of his behavior along with a good mind, decent grades, and some extra-curriculars should not be viewed negatively by a college and can be spun as a case of overcoming adversity and personal difficulties to become a success story.

BTW: Don't used the word bored. Just say not challenged. The first makes teachers defensive.

I am dealing with a lot of the things that your son is dealing with, so let me just tell you that sometimes, teachers can be (sorry if that is off-putting) stupid when it comes to identifying gifted people. Maybe he could have an SPD, but then again, I think that could be just an over-excitability. I know I'm not a professional psychologist (although I will enroll myslef in some online classes), I'm sure it might be a panic disorder, but it may be part of giftedness. I wasn't an under-achiever in school, but I was (and still am) a social activist who argued when someone said cruel things, and they (my old evil teachers) called me arguementative and non-conforming, which in turn was my giftedness showing. Giftedness is not a disability, and if this only shows up at school, it may be that your child was understimulated. I could be friends with him though. I'd get along with him well!