Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Stanford-Binet L-M, and school enrichment question

Hi Acs,
Grade skipping has costs, that's for sure, but not getting needed accomidations has it's costs as well. I was 'early enteranced' and still bored in elementary school, and grew up hating that I was always the youngest and most physically awkward. I blamed it my not being in sync with the age mates on being younger. L O L! Once tracked middle school started I was suddenly popular, although I didn't learn how to learn until AP Calculus in senior year of High School,and can easily believe that bright underchallenged flunk out of college, because I had to do some major scrambling to get caught up. Lucky for me I used those social skills to get the help I needed.

It wasn't until I was able to observe my own son interact with his agemates, that I realized that being the youngest wasn't the actual source of all my difficulties, only a few, and that the path not taken would have had difficulties of it's own. One of the noted problems with grade skips, is that every difficulty the person ever has from then on tends to be attributed to the skip.

If I had a time machine, there are a lot of things I would be tempted to go back and change. Being early enteranced isn't one of them. Of course if you could offer me a school that understood the needs of young abstract thinkers who can't yet hold a pencil well, that's a whole 'nother story.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Trinity,

I really think that being early entranced and being skipped are different issues. I lived in a small town and everyone knew I had been skipped. It was a big deal and it disrupted a number of my social relationships. That does not happen with early entrance or when the skip happens when moving between schools. It may not even be as much of an issue when the skip happens in a big school or when the child does not have close ties within the school. But my experience was very real and not just based on the fact that I was gifted.

acs,
I'm sorry to imply that your experience was not real! Opps!
I'm also sorry to imply that your expereince was 'just based on the giftedness itself.'

I agree that early entrance and skipping are quite different issues, and that grade skips are not positive - academically, socially, or both - in many instances. I'm really grateful that you have been willing to share, given the 'pro-acceleration' flavor of this forum. I hope that everyone who has had bad expereinces with full grade skips feels safe enough to post on the full range of their history.

Every situation is different, and every situation is complicated. I firmly believe that if we treat each other with respect, then we will be better able to make the best decisions we possibly can for our dear children. I do appologise that I have given you the feeling that you were being heard with less than the respect you deserve. Opps!

Thanks for catching me when I head off 'the path.' I do value you letting me know.

Smiles,
Grimity

And I never got to try a grade skip because my mother went to college at 16 and felt it was a mistake not to be repeated with me. So she took me out of the school where I sat in on the fourth and fifth classrooms for reading and math when I was in second grade and moved me to the school where my brothers were (mostly for convenience's sake). The new school wanted to skip me but my mother said no, and in essence, I repeated third and fourth grade. Whenever I said, but I read this book, the teacher would say you couldn't have because this is a third grade book and that was the end of that. So everyone's experiences are different, and I appreciate that. One of the nicest things about this forum is that there appears to be no judgment of each other, which is a very nice thing. But I do notice that for the most part, everyone seems to share similar opinions. Don't know if it's the group experience or coincidence, but it's very interesting, and from time to time, I stop myself and think, now wait a minute, does that make sense for us?

Sorry about the run-on sentences, but I'm typing on my phone in the dark. Anyway, just wanted to say yet again, what a nice and civil and considerate bunch of people you all seem to be. I'm very fortunate to have found this website and have benefited tremendously from your collective knowledge and experience. Thank you.

questions brings up an interesting point. We try to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them with our children, but maybe those things wouldn't be mistakes for our children.

My sister was in the same boat as acs. She skipped 3rd grade and went from being an extremely outgoing leader in her class to being a social outcast and complete misfit. We were in a rather small school where everyone knew everyone and the new girls in the 4th grade just weren't going to accept her in any shape form or fashion. Maybe if she hadn't been so social to begin with it wouldn't have bothered her but it was devastating for her to just be completely shut out with the others. My mother has always felt that it was the worst thing she could have done to let her skip, but we don't know what it would have been like if she hadn't of skipped. In fact "grade skipping" was pretty much a dirty word in our house and still is to my mom.

I've only been reading this forum for a few weeks but already ya'll have changed my opinion on grade skipping. It isn't a dirty word for everyone and I can see that it is greatly beneficial in some cases. But that doesn't negate my sister's or acs's experiences. It isn't always a good thing although it can be a good thing for some. I guess as questions pointed out, it needs to be an individual decision for each individual child for his/her own situation, preferably without the "baggage" we bring from our own childhood experiences. Probably impossible for that to ever happen, but maybe with all the information out here and all the different experiences/viewpoints to consider, people can try to make the best possible decision for their particular child.

I appreciate hearing all the different opinions so thank you to everyone for sharing them!!!

No problem. You were sharing your experience, which is real also. I just didn't want people to equate them. Your point I think is really helpful (that a certain amount of not fitting in is typical for HG kids regardless of their placement), it just wasn't the point I was trying to make and I didn't want mine to be negated.



I agree! I also agree with EandCmom that this forum has helped me see some really cool things about skipping that I had not considered before. I'm much more willing to see that good aspects than I was before adn I like having my mind and opinions stretched.

I have, however, felt that at times we get a little too pro-skip, probably because it feels so good to be with people who understand how atypical our kids are and recognize that skipping isn't always a bad thing. Also the bad skip stories have been used IRL to block parents from advocating for their kids, so by the time you get here, you've had enough of them. So I think this is (and should be) a safe haven for skippers. But I don't want the voices and experiences of those who were badly skipped to get lost.

My skip was badly handled in a lot of ways. I hope that my story will help people look realistically at their own situation and not assume that skips are always going to work out well, just because they do for many people.



Apology accepted. I obviously felt safe enough to share my experience in the first place. Which is weird because there may be thousands reading my story, but ah well. I really have hardly told anyone about my skip until I posted. But I guess when I did, it made me feel a bit vulnerable--it's still a pretty tender subject. On other subjects I can be pretty thicked skinned!

Cheers!

Thanks for sharing this! It's strange how much better I feel knowing that my experience was not completely unique. I think it's interesting that both of us were girls who experienced social consequences in a small school. I really think that the close-knit aspect was part of the challenge for me and your sister's story supports that. I wonder if this will turn out to be a recurring theme.


Ditto! Who knows, you may find that by sharing an unusual experience that you may connect with someone who shares your experience!

EandCmom--tell your sister "Hey" from me

I think one of the greatest things I've decided about grade-skipping as a result of this forum's influence is that any major adaptation needs to come with an exit plan. If grade-skipping or home schooling or early acceleration or gifted school or whatever isn't working, then there must be a plan B, and plan B must be carried out as soon as it seems necessary. Nothing should be "sprung" on a child, and we should not let our preconceived notions about these major adaptations to the "normal" educational path keep us from seeing what is going on with our particular children.

That's a very valuable lesson for me to learn for free, without actually having to screw up my own kids' lives to learn it, I think. For that, I am exceedingly grateful to all of you who have been my teachers!

You all rock!

I find it very interesting how many of us have skip stories in our families, considering what a hassle it is to be skipped! I wonder if it has gotten harder to skip over time, or whether our parents were such great advocates that so many of them were successful in securing acceleration for us (whether it turned out to be the "right" decision or was handled incorrectly). Any thoughts on that?

Also, today's the meeting day with B's principal -- we're going in to present our views one last time, and ask for at least pullouts to the first grade accelerated math program and the Iowa Acceleration Scale. Wish us luck! I'm going to post on the new board that Grin linked to for some last ditch efforts -- maybe I'll even get some expert opinions (though it's quite short notice).

Good Luck Mia! Take us all with you!
Smiles,
Grin