Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Stanford-Binet L-M, and school enrichment question

How are you feeling about it, Dottie? What's running through your mind right now?

If I don't hear back from you before then, all the best to you! I hope it goes swimmingly!

You sound like you're ready!

I hope it is friendly and productive and painless.

Yes - good luck Dottie! Looking forward to the update.

Mia - on the "We have MANY highly gifted kids in this school comment". Our school also uses this comment with much frequency. I think what they mean (in our case anyway) is they have many moderately gifted kids. After volunteering in DS7s' 1st grade class for a couple months, this is really obvious. And many MG kids are fine at grade level. Had I not been volunteering, I would have believed this comment or felt empowered to do anything. I'm not sure if you said you've done this, but if you can spend any time in the classroom, I highly recommend it. It really has been a wake up call. Anyway - don't let that comment from them deter you! I know our school just lumps all GT kids together.

kimck-no disrespect, truly: Our principal uses that comment as well. In fact, another parent and I have compared notes, he pretty much has a set speech that he uses with parents of gifted kids.
I still believe it's used as an attempt to manage parent's expectations. It's not personal. Think of the school in terms of a business. The principal is the C.E.O. who has to make decisions on how to allocate resources. It wouldn't be possible or even appropriate for that principal to be as vested in your individual's child education as you are. His job is to take care of all the students. In fact, I will go so far as to say his/her main responsibility is the bottom third, especially if they aren't meeting minimum standards. However, a great principal will attempt to meet all the needs of different students and I see our principal attempting to do this. There are things the school can do. Things they can't. There are also things they can do and are probably not inclined to. It's our job as parent of the child to figure it out. Think of these meetings as a chess match.

On that point, Dottie---You Go Girl!!!!!!
Good luck, stay strong and do not allow them to manage you. From reading posts it appears that you know the laws involved and probably have a pretty good feel for what they can and cannot do.
I read a previous post where someone implied that you do not have to agree to anything at the meeting and I think that is key.
Looking forward to some good news!!!!!

Incog

That's hilarious, Kriston! It hits close to home because I have a regular "May 2002 Babies" board where I've been posting with the same core group of 10-12 women since we were pregnant. We recently switched board hosts and were able to access the old board for several months ... but when I tried to go back to the "old board" to look at milestones for DYS, I found I couldn't access it anymore! I almost had a coronary when I realized that *all* that journaling that I hadn't thought to copy/paste anywhere was *gone*. It still stings, actually ... there was four years worth of milestones/cute moments on that board, now gone.



That's exactly it, acs, and we got the same "clear underestimate" talk from our tester. Obviously, it doesn't *really* matter where he falls as long as he's being provided for. I guess I'd just have a clearer idea of what "provided for" meant if I had a more accurate estimate of where he actually fell. It's pretty clear, though, that I probably won't *get* that estimate from straight IQ testing.

Also, acs, can I ask what grade you skipped? Mine was second, where they were mostly teaching reading; I was teased as a child, but more for funny clothes/chubbiness than for braininess. Ds won't have those issues (it appears at this point); at least his clothes aren't horrid! Sad, but it *does* matter. And socially he's on par. All of the research I've read has found that skipping rarely makes a difference socially -- either the kids stay on par with where they have been, or they actually do better when closer to their social peers. B is socially adept, especially with adults, and older kids usually get a kick out of him (though, granted, that is usually much older kids). Bottom line -- I'm not worried about him socially, and I think he'll adapt to pretty much whatever group of kids he's with.

I also think of my PG cousin, who had social issues, Aspergers, etc., who now at the age of 24 says he wished he *had* been skipped -- his parents opted for the subject acceleration route and he wishes that he had been skipped several times. Looking at my B, I honestly can say that a skip is really the best thing for him in my mind.

Personally, I'm looking to skip to *avoid* problems, not wait for them to arise in the first place. It's like preventative medicine -- there's something I can do to prevent a problem, and I'll take that opportunity if I possibly can. I know a lot of people have different ideas on that, but that's where I stand on the issue of "waiting until there's a problem"; I'd rather prevent a problem from forming than have to dig out of one.

Incog: Thank you for the advice, and I will certainly use it. I'm planning to make a list of questions and "rehearse" with dh, and I'll work on my "business meeting" ways.

Dottie: Good luck tomorrow! You'll have to let us know how it goes.

Hey, Mia, I just wanted to say that I know what you mean about not waiting for a problem if you can see it coming on the horizon and can avoid it altogether. I wish I had acted before the school year started for my DS6. It worked out okay, but emergency measures are never as good or as effective as well-researched and well-planned educational decisions.

I guess what I'm saying (FWIW...) is that if you can find a good fit that will cultivate that love of learning, then I don't see anything wrong with matching a solution to the child before a problem occurs. As long as you and the school are flexible if that solution winds up being a poor fit, then it makes perfect sense to me to act preemptively. Good luck with your efforts to get the skip. Keep us posted!

I skipped first. I had been very happy in kindergarten and had lots of friends who I got along well with. I was reading (I'm told) at about a 4th grade level when I got to first. I remember enjoying my first few weeks of first grade, but apparently the first grade teacher wanted to teach kids to read and since I already knew how, she thought I should go to second. My best friend and neighbor was in second so everyone thought I would be fine there. My receiving teacher was fabulous--warm and supportive. My friend came down on the day I moved classes and helped me carry my stuff to my new class; I got the desk next to her. It all seemed like a good set-up. But it turned out that my best friend was my "home" best friend and that she had a whole different group of friends at school who were very different than me. Now it became her job to manage her two lives and her two sets of friends. I think it was very hard on her--the poor girl was only 6 after all. I definitely felt that I no longer fit with my first grade friends and my second-grade best friend clearly did not want me hanging around her and her "cooler" friends at school. I started crying a lot and acting out on the playground. If anyone noticed, they never said anything. I never told my mother because I did not want her to feel bad.

I also remember the hope I felt that I would fit in academically in second grade, but after 2 weeks I was at the top of the class, displacing the highest kids in second. One of them never forgot it, and still had hard feelings at our 10 year reunion (I know this because his wife told me!).

None of this was probably any more traumatic than it would have been to move schools. By high school I had made my own friends and was quite active in various organizations. But skipping was hard and I never really grew to like that I was skipped. I do like my life now; I would not have the husband or life I have without my skip. So I am at peace with it. But I did get a knot in my stomach just now as I described the feelings I had back then; the 6 year old is still in there.

I have read all the data about skipping, and I do think there is a place for it for some kids. But I do know several who were skipped and did not like it. When you read that *most* kids do well with a skip, that means that there are some who did not.

Ah ... so it seems that the "best friend" issue was big for you -- did you feel guilty, it sounds like, for your best friend's tough time? Were you ever asked if you should be moved? Did they take your opinion into account? I think that can make a big difference.

I thought it was pretty cool that I was skipped, and very glad to do it -- to get out of that environment was heaven on earth. I, too, was quickly at the top of my new class, but at least it wasn't the top of the super-SUPER easy material!

I guess it all comes down to individual circumstances ... Of course not all kids do well with a skip. But I have my own set of experiences, I have my older sister's experiences (also skipped second), I have my cousin's experiences (wishes he'd been skipped), and there's plenty of research supporting acceleration. Certainly personal anecdotes will be different ... but on the whole, it seems that acceleration is in *most* EG/PG children's best interests.

We can agree to disagree ... and don't think I haven't given this a ton of thought. In the end, I, as the parent of my own particular child, don't want to wait for a problem to arise before being proactive about it. I think waiting for a problem would be worse *for him* than doing something prophylactically.



And this? Seriously. Get over it, man! It was second grade! Jeesh.

Knowing that you like a lively discussion, I will partially disagree with you. I was skipped preemptively; the only one having a problem was my teacher who didn't know what to do with me. Before the skip I was very happy, had lots of friends, and was not bored. The result was that once I was skipped and things were not going well for me emotionally in second, I always imagined that back in my old grade things would have been hunky-dory. The first grade I skipped and the class I left behind were sort of a golden age or shangra-la, a place where life was good. And that's where the anger and resentment came from.

I wonder, now, if they had waited until, say, January before I was skipped, if that would have given me time to get bored and frustrated enough to actually want to be skipped. That would have probably made a big difference in my attitude.

We waited until DS was pretty frustrated with math before we subject accelerated him. Now he is taking algebra (in 6th) and there is a lot of homework. when he starts to complain, I just say, "Well, we can always just put you back into 6th grade math if you don't like this." And he quiets right down and gets to work. He knows what his options look like and he chose this. I did not know what my options looked like and I did not choose to be skipped and that, I think, is part of what made it so hard for me.

I haven't figured out how to double quote, so I'll deal with both quotes together. I don't think we are disagreeing. I think the skip question is totally individual. I will say, though, that I carry some scars from my skip and that when I read about how well kids do with skips, part of me just want to shout, "Hey, look at me! My story is real TOO!" I don't want to take away something that has worked for others and is a good option for some. Skips can be good or bad and kids adapt. I adapted. You are right, though, I was not consulted. I was given a night-before opportunity to veto and that was all.

This guy (whose wife informed me of the resentment) was actually a friend and still is, actually (otherwise, I doubt the wife would have shared). My point was, I guess, that no one ever really forgot--I never felt like I totally blended. You will probably point out that with my IQ I was never going to blend in anyway, and, of course, you'd be right. But I did not realize that until I got to college.