Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Adult ADD, Giftedness, or Both?

I would love to hear opinions regarding the habits and thoughts of adults with ADD as compared to those of the gifted, especially from adults misdiagnosed as having ADD.

I'm a 35-year-old stay-at-home mother of three toddlers. I sought help when I realized I couldn't function enough to complete daily responsibilities like laundry, dishes, food shopping�I couldn't get us dressed and out to buy dinner, I didn't have the gas to drive to the store, I never deposited checks to have the money to get the gas to buy the food... and the list goes on.

I was diagnosed with ADD in July of 2009. I've seen several doctors, been through many medication trials, kept records, done research, and personally ruled out other mental and medical disorders with confirmation of the same by medical professionals. I've been seeing the same psychologist weekly, relieved I've allowed for at least one component of consistency during the entire process.

The best fit so far has been Adderall, with the dosage and timing ultimately determined by myself and agreed upon by my doctor based on my physical toleration and it's affect on my focus and concentration. I was completely against medication from the beginning and I've only relented at this point because I can see the positive benefit, albeit fading.

My psychologist has walked me through the process of self-discovery with hardly a word, just enough to lead me to my giftedness. I was completely unaware of the concept of giftedness and sadly had the opposite impression of myself. I've been shocked to the core to find affirmation of my independently theorized self-analyses on the Internet, a search I originally conducted in attempt to disprove my wild hypotheses.

I'm wondering if I have ADD at all and I've discussed this with my psychologist. As usual, she doesn't give me the yes/no answer I need and leaves me to find my own answers, a practice that's growing old with time.

It seems there's a fuzzy line between the inattentiveness of the gifted and that of an adult with ADD. Yes, I'm scattered, unfocused, and easily distracted, but only on matters of little or no interest, a point confirmed by my husband who's known me for over 15 years. The medication works in that it dulls my mind to a silent roar, letting me complete responsibilities and restore order, ultimately allowing time for the very causes of my distractions. The effects of the medication are limited and questionable, and so the search continues.

Being an introvert I really have no one to discuss these things with and my husband has had enough. Thank you for any help you can offer.

I am gifted, but I would have never considered myself ADHD until I had kids. I don't believe I have it, but I can be kind of scattered sometimes. I think it's stress induced memory/motivation loss.

First - being the mom of three toddlers is a very big job. Very big. I don't think it's 'odd' or 'bad' that you couldn't do it all yourself.

2nd - Were you good at these sorts of daily responsibilities 'BC' - before children? Were you bad, but 'good enough?'

3rd - How are things going now? Are you getting dressed? about to do your daily list? Getting the checks deposited?

4th - Was the possible diagnosis of Depression ever considered?

5th - do you like being a SAHM? Is having you in that role what is best for all concerned? I love when Moms are able to give that gift to their families, but hate when women do it because they feel it is 'imperative' or 'the only way to be a good mom.'

6th - Have you tried 'flylady.net' and 'housefairy.org?' If not, I would suggest that you start with flylady and do it as if your life depended on it in the hopes that you can dump the drugs soon - dulling the roar in your mind so you can accomplish things that don't matter just doesn't sound appealing to me.

7th - Have you tried Vyvance? If you haven't, and your insurance covers it (wicked expensive) and your doctor thinks it is a good idea, then you might want to consider one more round of tinkering (which I hate) I haven't taken it myself, but I've seen such an amazing difference in family members that I am impressed.

8th - I'm so glad you found us! Even Introverts need a place to belong and people who want to be around them and understand them. I wish I could give you this in real life, but I'm so grateful that we can provide this virtually.

((Hugs))
Wow - you have been through a lot, and I know that you will have lots of wisdom and experience to share when your day comes.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Many thanks for your replies.

The "roar" is my source of distraction. I analyze everything, all day, nonstop. I'm extremely curious, always looking for the next challenge, something to learn, start, or improve. When I was diagnosed with ADD, several doctors tried to attribute my constant thinking to GAD, OCPD, and/or depression. I kept an open mind but the medications made matters worse, giving me the wake-up call I needed to regain control and head my treatment in the right direction.

Kcab, your comment made me laugh�many times I've complained of my tough day at work with my three bosses! Regarding the meditation, as it turns out, my clever psychologist has been slipping breathing exercises into the mix with the hope of teaching me coping techniques.


Grinity�Thank you so much for giving your thoughts on my problems. I'm learning to accept the many things I can't complete in a day's time and rely on others for help, and no, I never had problems of this nature before having kids. My husband and family have been against the diagnosis of ADD from the beginning. They've only come to accept it since the Adderall showed signs of working.

My first two weeks on Adderall last August were wonderful. I was able to clean my house, keep appointments, schedule fun trips, plan meals, but then things fell apart. I was an emotional wreck when my focus and concentration began slipping away. I gave Vyvance a try for three months but there was something missing. For me, Adderall provides that amazing difference that's visible to others.

Months later, back on Adderall, extended release rather than instant, and things were looking better for a while, but it seems my priorities have shifted. Maybe because the challenge is gone. I don't care to do the dishes, laundry, bills, or food shopping. Now I'm fighting myself to stay on track, all the while inside I just want to do my own thing. So, yes, things appear better, not great, but inside I'm miserable. Which leads me to your question about being a SAHM.

I became a SAHM to spare my children my childhood experiences, and at this point my husband and I agree it would be better for me to work, but it wouldn't make sense financially. I love my kids to pieces, but I know I need different challenges and it's getting harder to hide my frustration.

Regarding depression, I consider myself a perpetual optimist, despite the daily struggles that come from being a complete scatterbrain. Losing things, finding things, remembering things. I shrug it all off, laugh at myself, and carry on. Nothing gets me down for long. I'm a master in finding the good side of things, though I'd love to get it right the first time! On the surface I seem to have symptoms of depression, GAD, OCPD, and/or ADD, but I've ruled out my doctors' ten-minute assessments through months of self-analysis, down to ADD that is.

Grinity, your comment about dulling the roar made me cry. No one seems to understand the shame in silencing the mind for the sake of chores. I plan to continue the medication just long enough to learn to focus and concentrate without it through diet, exercise, meditation, behavior modification�whatever it takes. I appreciate the links and I will check them out.

And yes, you are right. I can see I've landed where I belong. One post and I feel more understood than I've felt in a long time. I'm thankful I've journaled my way through this most awesome time of my life and I plan to share the experience, especially with my little ones.

Thanks for the love,
oopsydaisy

Oopsydaisy,
I am glad you found us. I am much like you, and my husband lovingly calls me his absent-minded professor. I was pretty good at keeping track of myself, but now that I have two children and me, I think my brain is just on overload.
I learned how to be "responsible" through lots of random failures to do so. Each time, I took a step forward that helped me to work become able to keep track of things that are boring, but in the end, essential.
This might sound odd, but have you tried coffee in the morning. I think I have ADD symptoms, but about a half a cup of coffee in the morning evens me out enough to do the repetitive work I need to do during the day. I figure it has less side-effects that most of the major medication....just a thought.

I second Grinity's Flylady recommendation! It can be a little sappy, and make sure you have them bundle all the e-mails into one a day. But what a difference it makes!

WOW! I feel like I wrote some of the previous posts myself. I am so happy to hear there are other women out there just like me. At least one of my 4 kids is diagnosed ADHD so I've been trying to figure myself out for sometime. I have 4 kids within 5 years of each other, no support system (introvert..) and no family withing a 1000 miles. So, basically I'm swamped all the time! I am my kid's taxi and my husband works alot so I do it all. Still have two little ones at home all day. I also work 12 hrs a week from home doing computer support (while trying to still watch my little two....lol)

I have been on meds for depression for over a year and a 1/2 and they seem to make a difference but here is a question. Since taking the meds over the last year or so I have become increasingly less and less interested in the housework, laundry etc. I used to be the type to stay up until 2am to clean, do laundry etc. Now I just don't do it. When the kids go to bed at night I search the web for info on my latest "challenge" or "interest" and usually still stay up until midnight. I don't have the same energy I did before the depression meds.

Before kids I was always early to appts, etc. but never liked to be extremely neat and organized. Now I'm just a disaster. How is a wreck, meals are never planned, laundry always in a huge pile.....

I have been wondering if I shouldn't give ADHD a better look. Lately, I can't even remember what I did the day before and I forget simple words. I can walk into another room to do something and forgot what it was by the time I get there.

I should mention that the depression meds were probably more for anxiety than depression. I'm wondering if the anxiety actually helped me to function better if there is also ADHD involved.

In other words, if I'm relaxed now with the meds, does it make the ADHD show up?

Our pediatrician said that his son with ADHD was always very organized and did well in school because of his Anxiety Issues, so this does seem possible.
Grinity

You do what you gotta do - but I could picture your DH taking 100% care of the kids on the weekends so you could get yourself into the world doing something that was challenging and interesting and gratifying. Maybe the money you earn could pay a housekeeper?

Personally, I have found that - for me - doing the mundane household tasks + hands on childcare are something I can turn into a meditation (now that the clutter is gone) and a 'spit in your face' to the internalized sexism that says that this particular contribution to the world is less worthy/important/interesting than wage work. Of course, I'm working outside the home 35 hours a week, so that does make it feel more like 'my choice.' I am not saying that this is the right path for all women - mindfulness and spirituality just provides more kick to some folks than it does for others. Honestly, I think there are physical brain differences on this one. Lots of stuff I do at work is pretty boring too.

My mom taught me that everyone gets a different hand of cards to play in this life, and that what one can be proud of is how they 'play the hands they are dealt.' That's the long way of saying that attitude is almost everything. Then there are needs. We are real people, and we need enough sleep, enough nutritious enough food, enough intellectual stimulation, enough friendship and support.

Maybe instead of a weekend job, a 'book club' or weekly activity?
It's a big world out there, and I believe that eventually we all find our individual right answers - but it takes time and some effort to look.

For a whole year, I cooked all my family's dinner for the month on the first weekend of the month, and stored them in the freezer. It was an interesting challenge at the time. Who knows what your right answer will be?

Smiles,
Grinity