Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments social needs vs. school change

DD9 has been accepted into DYS recently.

I may have found a good school option. I still need to go visit. It is a nice 20 minute commute. The principal has 35 years experience with gifted. They differentiate in the classroom. They are interested in meeting his needs. They have a outside gifted specialists train teachers and give support to meet students needs.

I really will feel sad about DD starting over. He has become friends with some smart athletic types. I do think he will not get to grow these friendships as easily if he goes to another school. The neighbor freinds to play sports are ok but these friendships can be challenging. He has found nicer friends at school.

I think it is a bit harder to nurture friendships in an out of area school. They have a good sports program similiar to current school, but more opportunities like science olympiad which will be better. We can only send the kids there if we get finacial aid. The tuition is double our current.

DH is upset to move DD. He thinks socially he should stay were he is and continue the relationships he has started. Social is most important. He says he already feels a bit outside and now I want to move him to start over? I really wish he could stay where he is but I don't think it is for the best.

The current school has too far to go to understand his needs. He's in a 2 on 1 Math with the gifted teacher once a week. If she doesn't get it now, I don't think she will. I honestly think a stimulating environment will help his behavior and self esteem and better prepare him for HS and college and life. I think he could feel more apart of his class with peers working more often at his level, istead of the smart math kid who gets to go ahead of his peers. I still have to determine his level and how many peers he would have. He will have the Explore test this month. Hopefully that will help.

DH said his nephew after going to our current school, went to a good HS and never had to study. When he went to a very great college he had to work harder and he did it. It's all fine. Why am I thinking the worst?

My concern is he is learning very little, not challenged and his situation is hurting him. He is a all A student with no behavior problems this year. He complains about school and say no one likes school. He values his education probally more than most kids. He says enrichment is too easy too.

Any advice to help DH feel more comfortable making a change?

apart from his classmates or a part of his classmates.

Everyone wants to belong. Being in an environment were one is 'seen' is a social help. I wish a had a magic bottle of DH juice, but the best I have seen is to invite a few of DS's classmates over for a playdate that DH has to be in charge of - perhaps DH could take them someplace - or have DH take a few hours off of work and sit in DS's classroom for 2 hours - I'll bet he would sing a different tune then.

Hugs,
Grinity

Because it doesn't usually work like that.

It's hard to break that kind of habit. There are also different levels of "never having to study". Is your husband willing to read research? or will he avoid it?

I'd suggest he look at A Nation Deceived. Particularly the studies that show achievement differences between students of the same ability.

Maryann

Maybe this is part of the problem. When DH takes DS to Indian Guides or sports or with the neighbor kids it looks like he fits in mostly. He has a good buddy in Indian guides. They have lots of fun. He has an intellectual friend at school who is not sporty. There are a few sporty kids that are smart that he likes and hangs with. At school and home he goes thru time where he plays with the kids alot but then he will take breaks. I think this is due to sensitivity about meaness, roughness and fairness. (He's has some learning to do in kindness areas too.) I think he just FEELS a little outside and it bothers him.

I think the school not challenging him enough hurts his self esteem and causes him stress that interfers some with relationships. Kids like him and are drawn to his ideas.

thank you. Maybe some facts will help him. I printed out some Davidson Database today. I'll look at Nation Decieved again too.

I have one more thought I've been hesitant to say. DH brother (around 55 now)was excellerated 1 yr in grammar school. They didn't know what to do with him sometimes so he helped the janitor.

DH's brother is now one of the top appliance salesman in his store. (This sounds a bit boring to me but maybe less stessful than corporate jobs) He also did realestate for a while. He was a college graduate. He has a nice home and life. I would consider him to be successful but...One time his Mom said to me she was disappointed he didn't do more. Another time he said, He seems to take the easy way. These points have stuck with me as I relate them to my son but I'm not exactly sure how to make a point with these. I think it could of been better and more satisfying.

I believe that this is a good description of 'why leaving my son in a bad fit situation was a bad idea.'

well, if the playdate thing won't work, then it's time for DH to spend a few hours in school. I can't promise that it will work, but if DH is ever allowed to see DS's gifted academic side, then this is change DH's view. My son hid his giftedness from DH for the first few years.

Love and Good Luck,
Grinity

This is exactly it!

I have two younger brothers, one who is MG, one who is HG+ and then there's me, also HG+.

My MG brother has 3 graduate degrees, multiple publications and is incredibly successful in his field.

my HG+ brother (much younger...) just finished his bachelors and has no real motivation to go do anything (other than frisbee golf and snowboard). He's living in my Mom's basement, half-heartedly working on a grad degree because he doesn't know what else to do. He spontaneously figured out powers of 2 to 2^12 at 5. But he got no challenge in school

It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do in life. At least a part of that I blame on the fact that I had to be something I wasn't to attempt to fit in during school. Although I knew I enjoyed a challenge, I didn't know how to get one.

My MG brother got lots of challenge in school; he's motivated and successful.

I won't say that my other brother isn't successful, but he's not motivated.

I'm still sole searching and learning about our situation. I think DH has a gifted hang up. He keeps sterotyping gifted as the geeky kids. I think DH is worried about this for DS. I say lets just embrace who he is and see what happens. I just don't get his worry. Can anyone help me to deal with this?

I think DS is a kid who can do it all if he wants. DS seems to be a good athelete. Not a star player but he is only 9.

DH was a excellent athlete. He recieved many awards in high school. He went to college on an athletic scholarship.

A few years back, I remember talking about getting something education for DS's birthday and DH said birthdays are suppose to be fun. DS barked at Dad, "Learning is Fun!"