Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Moody kids

So, I'm wondering if anyone else's DC are moody. "Moody" is the only word I can come up with to describe it. Sometimes, DS9's mood changes so frequently during the day that DH and I are left just scratching our heads in confusion.

I don't know if it's just normal, normal for him, or something worth mentioning to the doctor. He doesn't have extreme mood swings, but rather it seems that it's more 'in the moment'. As an example, if he's excited and ready to go out and play and no one can come out, he gets grumpy. Obviously, we see that for what it is, but do other kids respond this way, too? In this example, he may or may not find something else to do, but more often than not he'll express himself by becoming testy and ornery, instead of just waiting it out.

One would think that when someone was able to play and came to get DS, that would be the end of it - he'd go out and play. And sometimes, that's exactly what happens. But then there are times that it's like he gets comfortable being a grouch and just stays on that track for awhile. He's got a knack for getting himself into trouble when he chooses this path and we keep trying to help him see that, to a large degree, these (his mood and actions) are choices for which he has control.

Of course, we don't know what goes on all the time with other kids, but it sure doesn't seem as if they're as moody as DS. Or maybe we're just hypersensitive to it, because it's tough to deal with, not understanding why it happens for (seemingly) minor reasons. Trying to get DS to think/talk about why he's feeling a particular way isn't successful until he's good and ready. He keeps things pretty close to the vest and only shares in his own time....so we're stuck just waiting for the mood to strike him - no pun intended.

Thoughts?

DC18 and I can both be like that sometimes, albeit less so than as children. There were definitely times when DC18 would get into trouble at school in a bad mood and would not want to talk about it until he felt comfortable and safe. DC15, however, is as open as a book and is rarely moody. Some of it might be personality (DC18 and I being introverts) or overexcitabilities (DC18 and I fit most of them)...

DD4 is very moody -- she has been since infancy. Most days I feel as if I'm on a roller coaster with her -- she can be happy and smiling one minute, then upset and screaming the next just because she cannot write the letter "e" just right. So far I have chalked it up to the fact that her body has not caught up with her mind so that she gets frustrated when she cannot do something that appears to easy to adults/ older children. At least this is what I tell myself so that hopefully when her body does catch up with her mind, she won't be as moody! It makes my days bearable sometimes just knowing there may be an end someday.

We got custody of GS10 in the middle of his kindergarten year. His moods fluctuated so wildly, his k teacher said it was almost like he had bipolar, but each extreme was hit multiple times a day. He had extenuating circumstances beyond being gifted, or maybe those gifted characteristics played a part of the extenuating circumstances. Anyway, with help he has gotten much better at controlling the ups & downs, temper tantrums, meltdowns, pouts, etc.

I also think getting into drama last year helped him tap into his dramatic abilities and helped him learn appropriate outlets for those feelings.

Oh, one other thing that saved my sanity during those years was my mantra: "Do not engage"! If DC is having a tantrum, pouting, whining, screaming, whatever behavior not appropriate for the situation, then my reaction had to be "Do not engage!" I think the key thing to remember is to determine if the behavior is appropriate or not. Appropriate sadness or anger should be met with acknowledgement, sympathy, etc., and a way to come out of those feelings in time.

You've just described my DS7! And I would not necessarily take that as an indication that it's not something to discuss with the doctor, either. I'm not sure to what extent, if any, the mood swings or extreme moods have anything to do with DS7's diagnosis of Asperger's. His is almost exclusively a social thing, but that could still include the mood things as far as my thinking goes.

I'd like to say I hope that helps, but I can't see any way in which it conceivably could, so....

What great timing for this topic...I just asked my DH the other day if 6 year olds can have a mix of PMS and Hormone insanity at the same time :-) I am convinced that my DS6 is going through some kind of super crazy mood swing period :-)

Thanks everyone. Glad to know that DS is not the only one, if you know what I mean.

I think most of his irritable moods are borne of frustration when things don't go as he'd like them to and there's absolutely nothing that he can do....other than to accept it and move on, or sulk about it. He's just not as likely to take things in stride and carry on, but he is getting better (as I realize when really looking back).

Sometimes, it's just draining going back and forth. I need to strive to remember that as an adult I've had plenty of experience adapting - and I think I forget that with DS sometimes.

Anyway, thanks again.

DH says DD4's moods coincide with my PMS and he swears DD4 has hormone cycles just like me. With two daughters, he has definite plans to build a "man palace" in the backyard so he can camp out for a week when our cycles sync up as they grow into teenagers! And I don't blame him!

yes, I think my DC can be moody. Or I like to think of it was not being able to let go of the intense feeling, whatever the feeling happened to be.

Or that the feeling takes longer to disappear or work through the system

we try to joke/kid around to get DC out of that mood. Like "Oh no, this is SO terrible. We'll just have to <put drastic action here> and ... " etc So we'll exaggerate the problem and try to make it ridiculously funny... then once there is some laughing or giggling going on, it breaks the original feeling a bit, then DC can move on

(sometimes it works, also depends on if DC was fed or if got enough sleep, if neither, then nothing will work, haha)

My suggestion would be to offer a quick validation of his feelings along the lines of "it is disappointing when friends aren't available to play..." and then encourage a redirection to other options.

If you know that a situation like this is regularly a problem it may be a good idea to make a plan with him ahead of time along the lines of plan A, plan B, etc. I don't think it is a good idea to feed the mood by dwelling or hashing it through for hours, but I would not encourage you to skip over the mood or try to tease or joke him out of it. I personally wouldn't appreciate it if someone tried to tease me out of it when I was down because I couldn't see a friend.

I would encourage him to start to develop some skills of learning to change his mood. This book for kids might be of some help. http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Grumble-Much/dp/1591474507 It is part of a really good series for kids. This book might be helpful for you too. http://www.amazon.com/Optimistic-Ch...mp;s=books&qid=1262797605&sr=1-1