Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy At the end of my rope... need advise

A little background, DS is 5 and in K (will be 6 in Jan). He exhibits many of Ruf's level 4 characteristics, some level 3 and some level 5. Math and critical thinking are his strong suits.

He started seeing a child psychologist in March when he was acting out in pre-K. We thought it was related to his uncle's passing, turns out he was acting out from boredom.

We moved in July and he started public K in Sept.

Within a month he hated school and was asking not to go. His anxiety was through the roof and he was having problems sleeping. His psychologist, who was against having him formally tested until he was 7, thought it was time to proceed with testing as this school enviroment was not the right one for him. And we agreed.

We made an appointment at a testing center and had the pre-test in-take conference.

Meanwhile we meet with his teacher and the school guidance consoler. Told them Ray was going for testing, etc and to watch out for any behavior changes etc.

We then had a separate meeting w/ guidance consoler and she told us we could establish an education plan for DS without having him formally tested.

This was a relief, because the next week my insurance came back and denied covering the testing.

Then the following week his school called a meeting, it was with his teacher and the guidance consoler and the assistant principal. The school principal was suppose to be there, but couldn't make it. They told us the guidance consoler was wrong and that DS needed to be tested to get gifted services. They told us to go to the special ed department pull the paperwork to have him tested and once the testing was done we could set-up meeting and go from there. They even gave us directions how to get there.

At DS's parent teacher conference a month later his teacher asked if we had returned the paperwork for the testing, when I told her yes, she said they should be coming to get him soon to do the testing as they usually acted very quickly on these things. I asked her why the guidance consoler might have lead us a stray before and she said because not many services are offered in K, but they paperwork would be handy in the older grades.

Today I come home to a form letter from the department of special ed, telling me they are also denying the testing. Reasons given:
1) The school already talked to us about this and it wasn't needed - HUNH!!!?? They told us to get the paperwork and to file it. They even gave directions.
2) The district is refusing - What does that mean??
3) State law prohibits using the special ed department resources to determine if a student is gifted. - Why would they tell us this is how to do it if it's against the state law?
4) Contact the school principal to discuss if there are other options. - The principal missed our initial meeting and the vice-principal told us to request the testing, and his teacher is asking if it was done.

Then they say to call the contacts listed below if you have questions. AND NO CONTACTS ARE LISTED.

This is the biggest most confusing mess I have ever encountered. No one seems to no anything and what people think they know is completely inconsistent from one party to the next.

We live in MA. Which is not a friendly GC state. There are no state laws that I am aware of that govern gifted eduction. We do not have a gifted department or contact person or liaison for our local school. Home schooling is not an option.

Meanwhile DS's psychologist is fighting my insurance to get DS tested privately. But I am really starting to wonder if any of this will do any good, because the school seems to be so inept.

What is my next move? Call the vice-principal, call the principal, call the school superintendent (which I think I may do anyhow because the lack of consistency and competence is alarming.)

Please help, I am at my wits end.

I can see you are in one of the red states and I wish I had words of wisdom for you. The only thing I know is to document everything and be ready for a battle. Maybe someone from our forum in that area will have some ideas. Wishing you the best.

I am also in a state with no gifted laws. It is a very uphill battle with these kids in this situation. My first suggestion would be to request your districts written policies. They will not test here just for giftedness so it actually may not be legal but that would be in writing. We had to take private testing, which they won't recognize in to them before they would do their own testing, but my DD is 2E and qualified because of that.

My district didn't have any that they would release to me so in our case that lead us to the Assistant Superintendant of Schools/Director of Curriculum to have questions answered. My DD attended as a dual enrollment for a year and will continue with only music and art after Christmas, it's getting to rough even with just that one subject. There are no options for us unless we would like to consider driving an hour each way, expressway driving, for partial day classes in another county. That wasn't a choice for us right now.

You mentioned homeschooling isn't an option. Is there another PS that is more open to your son, or a private one that might be an option?

Ugh Kate, I feel your pain. Living in NY we too have no gifted mandates and actually are in a school district that has no gifted programming at all. My DS5 is also similar to yours in that he too tends to act out when he is bored. Thankfully that has helped the school attempt to accommodate for his needs better. Although our district does not have any official gifted program they have thankfully created his own program, suggested he skipped K and also differentiated for him. (He is definitely a level 5 on the Ruf scales and tested accordingly when we did testing for him as well). He still acts out at school some, they still have him do some of the other work, and he still gets frustrated at times. But he seems to like school and enjoys other students in his class. He continues to act goofy and is immature often (typically during work material that is way to easy for him). Anyhow I am happy with our current situation, even though it needs some modifications that I am waiting until January to bring up. They have actually been doing so well that I don't want to bring up any complaints quite yet. My big issue now is math and them needing to teach him things and give him an actual curriculum instead of random dittos and assignments.

Okay, now that I went on and on about myself and our situation here are a couple of ideas that could help. First off, that is quite confusing that you are getting the run around and no one knows what is up. it sounds like the school really doesn't communicate too well and doesn't know what to do. But I have to say on a positive note, it sounds like the school feels like he has a special education need (in the sense that he needs special services because he is advanced), but the special education department is not recognizing giftedness as a special education need. That is good in the sense the school sounds more on board. Our district never even went the special education route to do testing because I am certain we would have had the same response from our special education department.

I would see if you could schedule a meeting with the teacher, school counselor, school psychologist, and principal to discuss all of this. I would just say that you are confused because you are being told different things by different people and you wanted to meet together to come up with a plan and sort things out. As a parent you are entitled to a meeting. Then if they are saying they can't provide testing and gifted services, then I would just focus on meeting his needs....and not on an actual gifted program. It's important to focus on your DS as an individual and what his needs are if you feel the school program is not meeting his needs. His teacher may be willing to make some accommodations in the classroom as teachers are supposed to be "differentiating instruction". Some states have policies such as gifted services start in 4th grade...If that is the case I would say that is fine he doesn't have to be in the program until then, but how are they going to meet his needs until then. Is there any way they could just give him some unit assessments to see his capabilities, or even end of year testing? That would be really helpful for them to know what kind of work to give him. It is unfortunate because sometimes people feel that since it is Kindergarten it is no big deal when kids are ahead because that gives them plenty of time to learn social skills. Don't get me wrong, I am a school social worker and know the value of social skills....but while all children can benefit from social skills it would be nice if gifted children could also learn some things academically. If you are unable to get any answers through the principal and school you can always go the superintendent route.There is probably a policy or something in your district that says something about students being entitled to an "appropriate education" so if you are feeling it is not appropriate to him then that needs to be brought up. However you don't want to bring up stuff like that unless they are completely unwilling to do anything, and it doesn't sound like you are there yet.

Wow, I went on and on and was all over the place. Feel free to PM me if you want any more ideas...I could go on and on. Keep us updated.

Thanks Shell. I have some personal questions that I will PM you about.

What I don't understand is how I'm suppose to get them to accommodate him. They said they wouldn't provide accommodations without testing, tell me who to request the testing from, and then I get told they can't do the testing.

So confusing and stressful.

And what also gets me is that they don't seem to understand what a GC is.

I really don't have much to say except, "Welcome to the public school system."

It was a real learning experience for me when I first started dealing with the school system. I had a lot of ideas shattered, like "school districts are interested in education" and "schools view children as individuals." It made me VERY cynical and gun shy....

Move to a state and a school district that wants your kids. I know that is easy to say, but it is an option to consider.

A number of public schools have objective numbers that once your kid meets them, they are accepted into the program. A number of private schools also offer full tuition assistance. Again, these schools may be in another state.

The first step is to get a test. As for scraping the money together for testing, find a tester who will negotiate the price and payments with you. Or, find an agency that will foot the bill.

It's sneaky, but you may be able to get your pediatrician to agree to refer you for testing to rule out ADHD. Ours offered to do it that way. We didn't want to discuss ADHD at all or have it in any record, but it was an option available. We found a tester through the local school district who agreed to test him privately instead.

MAMom,

I am in MA also. As said above, the only way to get the school to test is if there are other issues that fall under the category of special education and giftedness does not count here. We had one lucky break but it didn't occur in a public school. When my DD was in PreK and my son in first we started the year at a small catholic school. We chose the school for its small class sizes. Within the first month the principal, the first grade teacher and the third grade teacher came to me and strongly urged me to move him up to second grade immediately. We did choose to grade skip but moved later that year and went back to the public schools. They actually fought me to move him back down but I insisted they keep him in second and they reluctantly did. Now he is in fourth grade and still not having a good fit in school.
I eventually had him tested privately and the school welcomed the scores and his teacher makes a bit more effort with him but it is still not enough. Most MA schools are focused purely on the MCAS and the kids who score in the upper end really don't impact their performance levels required for funding. Even if a teacher recognizes a child's different abilities their first priority is making sure everyone can achieve basic proficiency - her job and the schools funding depends on it.
I am finishing up my Master's in Elementary Ed. and seriously considering opening my own homeschool-school for children such as ours. For now, in MA, I do not see any real or significant accommodations occurring in the public schools. I also wonder about my teaching in such an atmosphere.
Look into your local catholic schools or other private schools to see how gifted friendly they may be. The catholic school tuition was a fraction of what the parochial private schools wanted.
I would urge you now though to find some alternatives as the years progress. My DS8 now does not like school, puts in zero effort and it is such a shame.

please know that a child could show ADHD behavior and not have ADHD. This could be due to not being challenged enough and being gifted. Did he go to preschool? How was that?