Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Anybody give it to there kid straight?

ok I'm a little fustrated right now with some of the thinking at school like testing out of a subject does not measure they have learned it?

Has anybody just told their kid, sorry school will not meet your needs so if you want to prepare for highschool and college you have to just do it on your own at home? I feel like my kids need to find a way outside of school to be challenged and actually study something that they don't know the first day they bring it home. Would your kids get this? My kids have always valued their education but I think school is not giving what they need.

onthegomom,

I don't know that we have to tell our kids that school will not meet their needs. I don't think DS8 holds out any hope of that. What completely stinks is that he is already completely turned off of school. Now when I try to do something at home he is very reluctant. In his mind he spends 6 hours a day doing something he doesn't like and once home he wants to relax and do what he wants. So I don't think the kids would be surprised or shocked to find out what I am sure they already know.

...sigh...

I agree with Breakaway: they probably know it's not working, or at least know something could be better. Beyond that, I don't think it's ever a bad policy to be upfront with kids, and especially gifted ones. Though they may sometimes lie, which is a completely different issue, children don't usually play games (in the relationship/communication sense of the phrase) or beat around the bush, and in my experience they appreciate it when adults are straightforward with them in return.

I'd reframe it to let him know the importance of being responsible for his own education instead of relying on the school. That way he can take advantage of opportunities at school when they're available and when they're not available, you can help. This book Guerrilla Learning was helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/Guerrilla-Learning-Education-Without-School/dp/0471349607
P.S. My kids didn't get this right away but it seems to be sinking in over time.

If the school is not meeting needs, then I would consider if you are able to home schooling or public cyber charter school if they are available in your area. I know that 10 years ago I never, ever, imagined myself doing school at home with my ds, but after several attempts with public and private school, here we are

I believe that school at home is truly a great option for gifted and all kids.

I agree. We got to the point where our particular school wasn't meeting the needs of our particular kid, and it wasn't worth the battle to me to try to eek out crumbs of appropriateness for him. We say "It wasn't a good fit" and leave it at that. But we also chose to homeschool, since it was just easier in our case.

You have to find a way to make it work, and everyone's way is different. If afterschooling works for your family, then do it.

When we explain our situation in this way -- to our kids and to other people -- it seems to be generally well-received: "We want to do what is best for each child, individually, for each year of his/her education." This shows that we are open-minded, not bashing any other educational options, and in a continuing process of seeking out our best paths. Homeschooling is the right fit for our children right now, but that is not to say we won't ever consider other options.

I think your kids would be appreciative if you are straightforward with them. I remember distinctly, near the end of 1981 (!!), when my 2nd grade teacher took me into another room and explained to me that I was going to be moved up to the 3rd grade classroom. It wasn't a radical acceleration, like going to college when I was 10 or anything, but still very unusual for our small private school. I understood my teacher's seriousness, and her explanation that this was in my best interest, and her concern that they didn't want me to be upset (socially) by the move. I was excited and a little nervous about the transition, but it was handled really well (with a little farewell party from the 2nd grade class and a welcome from the 3rd graders) and I had the peace of knowing it was a decision made jointly by the teachers and my parents, for my own good.

The immediate, instinctual idea of permanency can be frightening for kids, so you could present the idea of homeschooling along these lines: "Are you sick of being bored at school everyday? Would you like to try homeschooling for a year, or even half a year, and see how we all like it? You would probably learn a lot more in a lot less time, and have more time to pursue things that YOU are interested in -- academic subjects, hobbies, jobs, sports..."

I actually did this past weekend to my DS6 (almost 7).
He did get it.
He said to me, "Phonics is so boring , I mean come on we are just learning about exclamation marks"
I told him I am sorry, that we are trying really hard to help you. I told him that he will start CWPost soon in the Spring and we hope that he will be challenged there. He was over the moon. I hope that works out, that is my last option.
We just skipped him a grade and it is not enough.

I really wish my parents had "given it to me straight." I think I would have had a much easier time self-advocating when I was older, and I would have understood why we kept repeating things when I was younger.

Although I was identified gifted, my LOG was not mentioned. Instead, my parents didn't give my IQ score or tell me where I was and how I differed from other kids; they didn't want me to gloat or stop working. I began underachieving in first grade. Even when pacing was increased, I didn't fit well with MG kids my own age, even in the self-contained gifted classroom.

Academic Talent Search opportunities were great, but I was actively discouraged from taking classes that would get me out of the following year's course of study.

I didn't learn any study skills until after I finished my undergraduate degree. And telling a globally gifted child/young adult to explore careers in "what you're good at" is useless. It took me almost 10 years after college to find a career that is challenging and enjoyable.

Only now, in my 30s do I truly have an appreciation of how far outside the norm I was/am (and why many people don't get my jokes). It gives me much more compassion and understanding for those who struggle. I could have used that in school.

When my DD (4 at the time) turned to me after using a multisyllabic word correctly in a sentence, "Most 4-year-olds don't know what BLANK means," it brought home exactly how aware of the differences our kids are. I think that they need to know we understand and appreciate them for who they are.