Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Is it worth it?

Define: Accommodation for our son

A lot depends on what you want, what the school can provide, and what is best for your son. Are you looking for differentiated lesson plans or radical acceleration or something in between?

Grinity: A couple of things happened to get me thinking about advocacy. Partly, a relative guilted me into it (�And what have you done for DS at school? You can�t let him just vegetate there�). Then DS complained that he already knows everything they do in 1st grade, six weeks into the year. Then our parent/teacher conference was kind of weird � the teacher glossed over his achievements, and focused on how he can�t get his assignments finished in the allotted time (coloring and writing practice, mainly). And getting him to do his homework is a challenge, because it�s �boring.� He says he gets distracted in class, and he does at home, too � basically he wastes time searching around the room for anything more interesting than writing in his journal or spelling practice.

I�m not sure of his LOG... all the theory and terminology is new to me... but I did read Ruf�s estimates and he seems around level 4. I asked to have him tested through the school, but they only test if they suspect a learning disability (which I think is discriminatory and wrong, but that�s another story). They did recommend an educational psychologist, but she specializes in learning disabilities and psychological problems, not giftedness (and is expensive!) so I am reluctant to go there.

His behavior in school is not ideal, but it�s not terrible... mainly it�s that he doesn�t concentrate on anything he thinks is boring, and he tends to distract other kids by talking and joking with them instead of working. It�s disruptive, yes, but it�s not violent or anything and he is a lovely, happy, sensitive little boy most of the time.

He is underachieving, though, and that is my main concern.

Kcab: I did some thinking about whether it�s worth pushing *at this time* and I�ve decided to back off a bit to see how the situation develops. We are giving him plenty of stimulating activities at home, and he seems happy enough for now. But I will continue my research and perhaps talk to a few different schools, just in case things change and we need to reassess.

Plus, today DS told me that a 3rd grader came to his class to teach a few of them chess. So, yay! Maybe things are looking up. And I won�t have to be �that parent� for a while longer.

Does he already know the spelling words? If he's a level 4, boy, I'd be bored sick too, academically speaking.

That could be the main reason for underachieving. My DD got to the point of why bother...

Hi, Melissa -- yes, he spells better than most adults I know. The rote practicing of stuff he already knows well kind of gets to him... I don't want the underachieving to become a way of life.

Thanks BinB, that helps a lot! If he's 'around' a level 4, there are really only a few neighborhoods in the US were that is a common enough occurance that you can expect any leadership at all from the school. Maybe you live in one of those areas? Silicon Valley?

If you can manage it, look them straight in the eye, and hand them a paper that says: I suspect a learning disability (Is Disgraphia causing his to write to slowly?)please start testing for suspected learning disabilities.

Very Sad, but this is a little bit of theatre that seems to be nescessary these days.

I wouldn't pay money out of pocket to have your child tested until you can locate a tester who is VERY familiar with all the levels of giftedness. LOG is a pretty new concept, so you have to say: 'Do you have lots of experience with testing very unusually gifted kids?' in an innocent sounding voice, even though you are cringing on the inside because you've been so well trained to try and not stand out.

Try this link to see if you are nearby anyone who has been nominated to the Hoagie's list - http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/psychologists.htm#uca

Or perhaps there is a friend or relative in a different part of the country that you are overdue for a visit?

Having someone on your side can be a great comfort as you try and process that what was done to you really wasn't ok, and you really do want something better for your child. In a way, I think it's best to have both perspectives at the same time: A)Something Must Change! and B) He'll be Fine Eventually! It drives my DS13 crazy when I talk this way, but there is a lot of wisdom of holding onto BOTH views. (IMHO - LOL!)

You can always wait for your son to start misbehaving in school, and then the school will get really active and tell you he has ADHD and be willing-maybe- to do the testing, and be willing - maybe - to give him a gradeskip or more appropriate work. But by then they think he really is a bad child, and why should they put themselves out for a smartalek kid like that? I don't want to scare you, but I've been down that road, and it's no picnic. It leaves a child deeply confused about themselves and face to face with some rather scary truths about human nature that I wish I could have protected my son from for about 10 more years.

Love and More Love,
Grinity