Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DS punched at school!

DS has very little confidence that adults can handle this type of issue effectively. He would also loathe referring to this behavior as �bullying� any longer. Instead, he simply calls the instigator a �jerk�.

Similar to Austin�s example of physical fighting, ds will put up with nasty remarks to a point. When he decides to give it back, he gets right in their face to articulate their shortcomings for a prolonged period of time. The typical reaction is embarrassment, retreating insult and future avoidance.

If my seven year old were punched at school, I would definitely notify the administration, preferably by email so that you all have a documented account of the incident.

Kriston, thanks for posting that. It's very helpful!

Walk away, but stand up. Don't fight, but intervene? This list is very contradictory and has no thresholds.

What will you do when the bully finds you alone in the bathroom or gangs up with his other bully-buddies? Wave this list in his face?

I see nothing wrong with piping up, but things have the possibility to escalate. What will you do then?

I don't think the list is contradictory. It approaches the problem from a variety of angles. Different kids in different situations will need different approaches. The list offers many. And something like walking away can be a form of standing up in the right context.

It is definitely possible to intervene without fighting. I did it a number of times when I was a kid, and I was never in a physical fight. You seem to have a very narrow idea of what is possible in dealing with confrontation, Austin. There's more available then merely "fight" or "do nothing."

I agree that things can escalate, but it takes two to fight. There are ways to avoid it and still stop the bullying. Sometimes it's words: "That's not cool," and sometimes it's non-violent actions: walking away silently with the child being bullied. If nothing else, this could surprise the bully because it's so unexpected.

It's good to think about what might happen. Planning ahead is smart. I wouldn't recommend that a child get between the bully and the child being bullied and talking with the bully for that very reason. It's pretty clear that the child put himself in the line of fire. But to me, letting a bully have free rein is the only wrong answer here. IMHO...

Tiz - sorry to hear about the fight, I would be proud of my ds for standing up for another child, but of course worried about his safety!
To be perfectly honest, my ds has been on both sides of that fence - standing in between a 'bully' and a smaller kid he was defending, and getting too carried away with a shoving game among several boys and girls. Hopefully a good frank discussion among parents and faculty will help guide what next steps are needed~

I think a kid is between a rock and a hard place when trying to help a friend being bullied.
Most schools have a zero tolerance, meaning if a kid who is hit, hits back -- that child is also punished.
A smaller/younger child trying to stand up for a friend will also become a target for the bully, almost always!
A kid who tries to get an adult, as instructed by most of the anti-bullying training, will get a reputation as a tattle tail, and usually becomes a target for bullies.
Kids who turn and walk away from bullies will usually get hit in the back. Bullies don't care about 'fighting fair', and bullies don't like to be ignored.

Our school is trying a new program this year that appears to be a bit of a project for grad students at the local college. They've picked about a dozen 5th graders from the K-5 school. They are 'training' them to be leaders to thwart bullying. GS10 happens to be one, as well as several others from his scout den. Their theory is to pick the older kids to act as models who speak out against bullying, and to portray good sportsmanship & academic achievement. We'll see.

Austin, I have found your post slightly controversial (in my opinion) so felt that I had to reply

Sorry, still haven't learnt how to quote so here goes...

"Has your son learned the real lesson here?
You do not get into a fight unless you are prepared to accept the consequences. Had a teacher seen him in the midst of the fight, he'd have been expelled or suspended".

Austin, my son did nothing wrong, he stood between two boys to stop a friend getting hurt - he did not "get into a fight". The only reason he tried to push the other boy away was because he was "strangling" my son. My son did not hurt the other boy even though DS is proficient at karate. If a teacher had seen him there is no way any action would have been taken against him- he was not in the "midst of a fight", he was being hurt! He would do the same again to help someone being picked on.

"While what the other boy did was wrong, your son was wrong to intervene. He should have gone to find an adult".

Austin, this I agree with (although not that he was "wrong") - in an ideal world this would work, but realistically when you are standing in a small enclosed area with no adult supervision (and teachers can't be everywhere all the time) there aren't always adults to hand and by the time he found one it would be too late. This is just my response to your thoughts, and my feelings are that they are not entirely valid to our situation, but thanks for taking the time to respond and share them because it is always good to hear other people's points of view.

Thanks everyone for all your thoughts. The school have taken it very seriously and it has all been sorted out - DH and I had a long meeting at the school today.

Kriston, thanks for the list - I found it very useful and also good suggestions for different situations.

I'm very glad to hear that the school is taking this seriously, and that you and your DH met with the school.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Thanks Grinity

It is always a relief when things are sorted out!

I'm glad.

Any insight to share in dealing with the school, by chance? Did you contact them or were they already on top of it?