Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school Hothousing vs. Gifted (learning letters/sounds)

Everyone seems to be jumping on R with the message that there's nothing wrong with exposing children to academics early and no point in saying anything, but
(a) there's no suggestion in R's OP that s/he intends to say anything to the more, so I'm not sure where everyone's getting that from;
(b) the OP does say "most other toy options [are] not available?" and "The mother [...] only wants toys that are educational related."
Does anyone here think it's harmless for children to be allowed ONLY educational toys? (As usually interpreted: obviously there's a sense in which all toys are educational, but I don't think that's the sense the OP used.) I don't, and that seemed to be the main question.

I guess it would make sense to know what he means by all educational toys.

I guess in that sense I'm guilty too. We don't have cable and let DS watch an occasional cartoon but for the most part if he wants to watch TV it's something educational on PBS. I won't get him a DS but will let him play with his Leapster since he can learn from it. The thing is he's into all of that. If I put a monster truck in front of him or a globe he'd pick the globe to play with so that's the kind of toys I buy him. And if he's having fun and learning then I get dual usage out of the toys.

Hm. I guess I have trouble seeing the line, if there is a line. And I guess I think it's okay for kids to have no toys, if they've got things they can use as toys (sticks, rocks, boxes etc.), so why wouldn't it be okay to just have "educational" toys? I mean, if what that means is all electronic toys, that is certainly not to my taste...but I'd consider it to be a matter of taste (and I wouldn't condemn those with whom I differ in matters of taste, in large part because my taste is far from the norm).

Sure, lots of educational toys here too :-) But that's different from telling other people to only get him educational toys, for example, which is what I was imagining (admittedly on limited evidence) from what the OP said. (Actually I try not to make suggestions about what other people might get my DS, on the whole. On average, I make better guesses about what he will like than other people do - but he has loved some things that would never have occurred to me to give him.)

Something I found very reassuring: DS-then-5 was asked to write about his favourite present, and chose to write about the magnetic fraction tiles we'd given him, above many other more obviously enticing presents. This is the one I'll quote if anyone ever accuses me of being a pushy parent - a pushy parent may be able to give their 5yo fraction tiles, but can't make the 5yo pick them as favourite!

There are signs at this age to tell if the child is gifted and maybe it is for the HG+ kids that it is noticeable. Humor and empathy are the two that come to mind.

As far as what the mother is doing, would it be considered hot housing? Educational toys are so popular and marketed so well. The funny thing is the ones that started it: Baby Einstein, has come out recently with full refunds because they marketed their product as a tool to make babies smarter and it isn't true which has led to lawsuits. But what you describe clearly makes you feel uncomfortable and it could very well just be different parenting styles OR it is a gut reaction to spotting hot-housing and I know someone posted the joke about evening out but there is truth to it in that those kids that were pushed tend to even out. The sad thing is some gifted kids will too because they aren't stimulated, but that is another topic for sure.

Sorry I didn't mean to give the wrong impression as to my interest. I am involved in my local gifted resource group. We hold meetings for families of gifted preschoolers and this topic has been of interest. I use the example because I thought it helps explain where the confusion is in understanding the difference. I would not ever interfere with a mother's decisions and to each his on. I'm just trying to understand whether or not there is a difference. It's interesting and has brought on some good discussions in our parent group. thanks

Hi R

Before I could answer your question, I'd like to know if you really mean that there are no other options for the child except the popular idea of educational toys -falshcards, leapster etc. Are there seriously no balls around, no bikes, no cars, dolls, soft toys, games, make-believe toys, crayons for drawing ...? It really would be kind of strange if that were the case ... or are there just less of these than you consider appropriate? Whatever the case, I really wouldn't focus on it too much on it anyway as others have said.

At least I do not know but I have come to the conclusion that no one can give me the answer. I'm sure you can comfortably say that he is very advanced to his age:)

I also have to agree with Grinity and ask why does it matter to you? Could you try to be happy with the mother and share her excitement about the little boys development? It drives me nuts that we can not share DD's achievements with SIL&BIL as they seem to be afraid if she wold be more advanced than their boys (the boys are really smart kids so they have no reason to be jealous). It should not be away from their kids giftedness if DD is advanced. You can see I really can not stand comparing kids, we should enjoy all of them equally regardless of they abilities.

I would answer this with the "sweet spot" response.

I believe that kids learn more quickly and easily what they are developmentally ready to learn. Pushing them to learn something--like reading--too early for that particular child carries a cost, in that the child is not learning other things that s/he is ripe to learn because the child has to work so much harder at the skill. This seems counterproductive to me. Why swim upstream?

So I'm not a fan of forced early learning, of letters or math or anything. If the child is interested, then that indicates a readiness, and then I'm all for it. I really believe that child-led learning is the way to go.

With that said, unless I suspected a case of child abuse, I wouldn't say anything to another parent about their choices. Parenting is hard enough without being second-guessed by others.

[quote=oli
I also have to agree with Grinity and ask why does it matter to you? Could you try to be happy with the mother and share her excitement about the little boys development? It drives me nuts that we can not share DD's achievements with SIL&BIL as they seem to be afraid if she wold be more advanced than their boys (the boys are really smart kids so they have no reason to be jealous). It should not be away from their kids giftedness if DD is advanced. You can see I really can not stand comparing kids, we should enjoy all of them equally regardless of they abilities.

[/quote]

As I posted last, I am trying to "understand" the differences and if there is a difference? It has come up in our group discussions and it's not at all in a way that suggests anyone is less than excited for each others children. (I guess that's what I get for trying to post while my little kids are running around the room screaming and playing, things don't come out right.) This particular mom has been involved in these discussions as the newer Moms try to sort out the potential giftedness of their child. We all try to understand the difference between parent driven and child driven learning. All wanting to understand the extremes on either side. I'm sorry if this came across wrong. I am taking offense to being jumped on about the question. I don't think I'm the first or the last parent to want to understand it.

I've googled the topic and can't find any resources to help answer our questions. I thought I'd ask the experts on this forum for their thoughts. I'm surprised by most of the reactions as it almost seems as though it's threatening to suggest the parents are directing the child's learning.

As far as comparing kids, I have experienced these issues so I understand . With PG kids in my household, I've seen first hand what it has done to neighborhood friendships, family relationships, etc and I'm very sensitive to that. Realistically, I don't think we can have parent discussion groups or forums without some level of "comparing" going on (for good or bad.) It's just the nature of our situations.

R