Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Elementary School Grade Accleration has been so tough on DD & Mom...

Not that it's her decision entirely, but have you asked your DD what she thinks? Maybe she would like to move to first grade where she could relax a bit and make new friends. She could be afraid to say that. Maybe she doesn't like having to work so hard right now but feels like she's where she belongs. Maybe to her the friends she has in the grade she's in are worth the extra work right now. Maybe they aren't. Does she feel like she's having trouble because the work is too hard or because she's not used to working at all? Can she brainstorm ideas for how to make school her "ideal" situation? Does she like what she's learning? Could you and then she maybe sit in on a 1st grade class and see how that would fit your DD? Could you sit in on her current class a few times and see if that helps you get a clearer picture? Right now you only have your perspective on how things are at home and the teacher's perspective of how things are at school. You need your DD's perspective of both school and home, your first-hand perspective of school, and the teacher's perspective (via what you tell him/her) of the situation at home.

From the description, it sounds to me like she's catching up already. I think it's too soon to throw in the towel. There is an adjustment period, and the teacher seems to think that all is well.

Wow, Grinity. Thank you for that. DS9 started 6th grade this year, and he's struggling in three subjects. And we are definitely conjoined twins as far as a lot of his schoolwork goes! Glad to hear I'm not the only one. I'm also glad to hear that this won't last forever.

I occasionally wonder about the wisdom of the skip, yet at the same time, I've also seen its obvious huge benefits. Sure, it would have been easier to let him go to 5th grade, but he's really, really learning, and he's challenged in school for the first time. I'm thrilled to see this happening at such a young age. The older the kid (adult), the harder it becomes to acquire good study habits.

Samson11, it sounds to me like your daughter is being challenged and it also sounds like she's rising to meet the challenge. I agree with Cathy A about not throwing in the towel just yet.

When my DS9 gets upset about challenging work (less now than last month and September, though), I remind him that most other kids feel the exact same way he does --- except they haven't skipped any grades.

I believe that a challenging school environment is hugely beneficial. When young kids face challenging work every day, they accept it and adapt to it. A likely outcome is that they'll be less prone to shutting down later in life when they're confronted with something hard. Kids who fit into the more typical IQ ranges face academic challenges as a matter of course. Our kids don't, unless we find a way to get them to that point. I know that DS is suffering a bit right now, but I'd rather see him experience a bit of suffering now than a lot of suffering later. I also try to think about all the brain development that's going on right now in him!

Oh, we also have one night a week that's just for the two of us. We go ice skating on Thursdays, and we organize his work so that he doesn't have to do any homework that night. This is a good outlet for relieving stress.

Hope that helps.

Val

Hey R -
I love everything CFK posts, even when we don't agree, I love to drink in her wisdom.
Little comments like the above tip me in the direction of 'let it ride.' If you had written 'It has been SO hard on DD, and pretty stressful for me.' Then I think I'd be leaning in the other direction.

My guess about you, R, is that you are more of a 'don't just stand there, do something' kind of person (like me) and are having growing pains learning to 'not just do something, stand there!'

I might be clouded in that I'm going through one of those periods with my DS13 right this very minute, and all my 'do something' neurons are pleading with me to 'do something.'

(He is a freshman in high school, summer birthday + single grade skip, all honors classes, and pretty well accomidated academically - although he complains bitterly that the kids don't 'get' the metaphores - but socially he is sad and lonely quite a bit lately, after a great year socially last year. I hate seeing him wishing for something to do or somewhere to go, but not able to get anything going. Should I send him off to boarding school? Truth is that every freshman boy that I remember in HS is just plain miserable socially unless they have a sport's team to be on. That's just the way it is. So, I'm trying to breath through it - Yuck!)

You might have made a mistake by letting the school talk you into putting her with the 2nd graders at first. We try things and we make mistakes. Some stuff we'll never know. But that doesn't nescessarily mean that correcting the mistake right now is the best course of action. You are in my prayers and I am here to hold your hand if that is what's needed.

Grinity

I love her attitude. I would say that if she starts looking more than a bit stressed overall, one possibility is to cut back the afternoon tutoring.

Another possibility is to get the teacher's agreement that between now and January you can stop the homework after a good (x) length of time, either all together or any particular assignment. This is a transition period, and grades will not be a part of her permanent record. There is drawbacks to this, but it is a good thing to have in the back of your mind. DS's teachers always encouraged us to send in notes if there was a midweek family activity that got in the way of homework. My hunch is that sooner than you'd like, you will be looking for ways to enrich the education.

Does she happen to be an 'old' 6 or a 'young' 6 ? - I'm wondering chronologically and otherwise...

Smile,
Grinity

I don't discount anyone else's experiences with acceleration, but I do think there is a difference between asking a 9-year-old to work really, really hard and asking a 6-year-old. It's one thing if the 6-year-old WANTS to spend a huge amount of time on homework. If she doesn't, then IMHO it's not fair to insist on it.

The other thing that I think people are overlooking (or perhaps I misread the OP's original post), but I believe that this is a full-time gifted program. This 6-year-old is being asked to keep up with GIFTED 2nd graders. I don't how advanced the program really is, but it doesn't sound like it's the same situation as a one-year skip in a regular non-gifted program.

In a way, it's ironic that I'm saying all of this, because I am a huge proponent of having kids develop "grit." I just think that it sounds like the grade skip was too much too soon, and I do see a downside to making a kid struggle so much this early in her school career.

The reality is that DS9 isn't actually doing a lot of homework. It's just that he has to work. He got used to doing five or ten minutes' worth of homework now and then and doing well. He can't do that anymore. So this is where the slight suffering is coming in.

I'm not wild about homework, especially for young students (see my thread about a fantasy school that doesn't give homework). That said, the homework that DS9 gets is at least meaningful, rather than being simplistic busywork.

Val

uggh, just type a long post and hit the wrong key and it's gone.......so hopefully this isn't too rushed as it's late

Oh R!
It really isn't our fault that we have gotten this way. If 50%, (60%?, 70%? 97% LOL!) of the time, when we feel bad, everyone says 'relax - it's fine' and everyone is wrong, it really reinforces our natural tendency to look for problems and go into 'hyper-solving' mode. Repeat that experience 1000 or 100,000 times and we get a little twitchy. Now add children and watch it blossom. A therapist called me 'hyper-vigilant' once. It was great to have a name for it, but I wasn't abused as a child or an adult, and it was a bit curious to try and imagine how I would get like that! Then my son started school and I got a ringside seat - not it all makes sense!

That's what I love about this forum. We can support each other to trust our 'Mom-Gut' and reassure each other when we need to parent that 'Mom-Gut' a bit. CFK: I'm sure that I must sometimes make mistakes as to which situation is which - it's unavoidable! So I'm glad you are there to offer an alternative view. I don't want this to become 'group-think.' But I am a little freakish about being able to 'read between the lines.' Ironically, I'm really 'not quite there' in social situations, unless it's really quiet and 1 to 1. I just spent my childhood living inside books and getting quite a bit of my emotional nurturance there. My favorite assignments in High School English were to 'write the next chapter of the book we just read from the first person perspective of the character Tom.' Off I'd go, almost in a trance.

Anyway - I glad (in a way) to hear that your alternatives were clearly worse. I'm sure the path your daughter really deserved just wasn't on the menu. Hoagies has a great article about aiming to chooses the 'least-worst alternative.' (Does anyone have the link?) We are all quite familiar with THAT problem!

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Here's the link for least worst option. Reading the updated information, it sounds like leaving her where she's at is the least worst choice. Hope things improve quickly.

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/least-worst.htm