Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment Sharing with the kids that they are DYS

Somebody mentioned, go out and celebrate. I had briefly thought about this last month, when we were getting our application ready, but were not at the acceptance stage.

How/what did you share with your kids about being in YSP? I understand it is different with younger/older kids. Did you share right away? Wait some? How did you handle it?

I am not sure how to go about it, if I should mention something or wait until it is something more tangible.

Thanks.

I told my son, that through the program he will get to meet some other children, who have similar interests like he has, and who also learn super fast like he has. And that hopefully he would be able to make some new friends, who would understand his thinking better and also were skipped at school. This was a sort of follow up on a conversation, that we had earlier. Where he was telling me, that although he has many friends at school he can never really talk to them about what he is interested in at the time. That he tried to, but nobody really understood what he was trying to talk about.
He seemed excited about DYS, but far less than his parents.LOL.
He does not know anything about the criteria, or how the children are selected.
A while ago we explained to him after the testing, that he has a brain that is able to learn new thinks very fast and is able to think things trough more than others. I told him, everybody is special in different things. He always points out children who swim under water (he does not like to do that) and children who ride bike easily (something he struggles with a little bit). He understands that this is his special thing, and does not think more or less about it.

Well, we did just what everyone suggests - didn't say anything at the beginning, low-keyed it, didn't give specifics, etc. Then we went to the Summit, and he listened to the speeches and learned that DYS considers the kids "profoundly gifted" and that they are beyond the 99.9th percentile. Oh well. He loves the program, btw, thanks to having made a number of friends and having participated in a number of fun actitivities. Welcome to all the new members.

Thanks Questions,
that is partially why I wanted him to know little bit, but not all the details yet. (I guess he will find out eventually anyway, right?)
Thanks for your input about DYS. I think to meet other children just like my DS will be one of the best assets of this organization.

I use the term "gifted" with DS8 because he's mature enough to get that it's not something to discuss/brag about publicly, anymore than it would be sensible to brag about his eye color. Giftedness is part of him, and it explains much about how he thinks, feels, and generally approaches life, so I don't feel good about keeping it from him.

Not to mention the fact that I have books about giftedness on the bookshelf. He can read! He asked about it. It's part of life around here!

But--and this is a big caveat!--we talk much about the fact that what matters about a person is the choices he/she makes, not what one was born with. A hard worker who isn't gifted often does better in life than a gifted person who coasts. He gets that.

My mom's great saying, "It's nice to be smart, but it's smart to be nice" gets used a lot. And we praise effort rather than results. The other mantra we use a lot is "Hard is good," which also stresses that coasting on natural ability isn't the thing to do.

I think the "other kids like you" is a great approach if your child isn't mature enough (or happy enough--DS8 only ever bragged when he had a poor school fit, and that was before he was a DYS kid) to understand that bragging about giftedness/being smart is off-putting to others.

Just be prepared with an answer to the natural question, "What do you mean 'like me?' Like me in what way?"

We explained things very similarly to DS5. We are happy abou the support and the advocacy and meeting other kids..but at this point we don't really talk about it or anything with him. If we are going to get together with others we will mention it. DS5 doesn't at all act that he is better than other kids. I have yet to see him actually brag...although a few times I have seen him be confused about how others can't do things. I have a hard time explaining to him about other kids "like him" like Kriston says. I usually say things like kids that really like Math and science and reading and some of the other things that you like. That usually gives him an idea as a lot of kids aren't super into those things in his current world.

I think that's pretty common.

I believe that talking about how some things are easier to one person than another and that that's a normal difference helps to counter that confusion that many gifted kids experience. Saying something like "So-and-so runs faster (swims better, jumps higher, etc.) than you do, and you read faster than some other people. It's just part of how different people are made differently" helps to make sense of it for them, and you can follow that thread further to help foster patience and understanding of others who don't learn as fast as the child does.

FWIW, I did the same sort of thing with my kids (even when they were quite young) when they asked about physical handicaps, race, etc. Anything they noticed and asked about, basically. It's all just differences. Not better, not worse, just different.

I think if you ignore differences, you seem to kids to be either stupid or a liar. (Or they feel like something is wrong with them for noticing.) That's not good!

OTOH, if you acknowledge differences and even name them and talk about them, but use the conversation about differences as a teachable moment to convey your values--such as that all people have intrinsic worth and that making someone else feel bad is not okay--you encourage them to accept themselves AND to be good people. Both are important, I think.

Just my opinion...

I drew a Bell curve for ds6 when he joined. He was asking questions, and I think that really helped him see the big picture.

This was us too -- I never sat him down and said anything in particular, but he peeks over my shoulder occasionally and I'm sure he's got a pretty good idea what's up.

Some time ago, we never even told them they were smart. Then, we started realizing that we had to, and as DD6 got older, she started mentioning differences in herself. She'd say things like, "other kids don't remember things like these, but I do", or "I have always many ideas flowing in my brain and my brain is pretty fast". Then, we had the realization of other kids' reading abilities (eventhough she was not a very early reader, she did start before K).

We have talked a lot about different people strengths; things that come easy, and hard work is something we had always stressed out, the same as trying again.

She is already in a gifted school, so she does have peers in there. I know there are other DYS in there, clearly we'll now be able to know of more (one I simply asked the mom...). Regardless of academic level, she truly found her place there. The kids engage in complex imaginary play, she has a company that solves mysteries with some friends (they do business cards, write and solve the problems, etc.). Anyway, she plays with them in ways she can't with other kids.

She notices that she writes more/better, reads thicker/more complex books that many of her peers. Fortunately, there are many others who are better/faster/more ahead in other areas.

I think we will indeed wait for a tangible moment. I noticed she had to sign one of the pages for enrollment. I see is she asks...