Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Parenting an intense child through deep questions.

My child is very intense, sensitive, internal.... always thinking, processing. She can become anxious. She tends to need a good stream of protein to keep her in check. She is very asynchronous, where she may think deep questions, but not be able to handle the answer. When she is tired, the philosophical questions can get to an extreme. (She is 7).

The question of "Who am I?" started about 6 months back. One day, she stated that multiple times, and one could just see the gears in her head turning.

The question comes up when she is tired. "I just don't know who I am?" "Why am I here?" "What is my purpose".
We hit the, "I feel like a piece of trash." WHen trying to get her to expand, all I got was that since the character in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs was trash, I feel that way too. When I tried to pull in religious philosophy to explain that she wasn't trash, about 20 minutes later she came back with, if there are millions of people in the world, then why was I made... what makes me special.

Last night, she was freaked out at bedtime, stating that she felt if she swallowed, that her soul was going to leave her body. I then got bombarded with a multitude of life/death questions from being concerned she won't be able to find me when she dies to her wanting to be reincarnated (in her words, when she dies, she wants it to be that it is like moving, and that she just starts life over again).

This morphed into
I don't want our planet to be consumed by a black hole. How close does one need to be to one before one is pulled in. Is there such thing as a forest of black holes, where there a number of them into one spot? Can a black hole dissappear? If it consumed too much can it reach a point where it can't consume anymore and then explode/break?


Has anyone been here?? Is there any advice you have to help me parent her through this? I'm trying my best to answer questions and give her some foundation to stand upon. I've been rereading everything I can from emotional OE's/postitive disintegration to existential depression. While she doesn't come across as depressed, she is obviously grappling with some big questions.

It doesn't help me that her teacher informed me during conference that she feels my child is very socially-emotionally immature. *GROWL* It's obviously a weak point of hers, but not that atypical of a gifted child, especially such an emotionally intense gifted child.

Thanks,
Tammy

What a wonderful kid!!

She's focused (enthusiastically) on other things - that makes her immature?

Since her teacher knows little about Cosmology, does that make the teacher Scientifically Naive?

I just read this short post by Cobb. She sounds a lot like him.

http://cobb.typepad.com/cobb/2009/11/faith-vs-articles-of-faith.html

I like his this comment by him.

"I always recall that there are social implications to Goedel's Incompleteness Theorem and that the mind rationalizes so that it doesn't halt."

To clarify, the teacher isn't aware of these questions. She just sees the overemotionality, and labels it as emotional immaturity as opposed to emotional intensity.

Tammy

Sounds good - unless you actually know what Goedel's incompleteness thm says. What is it about Goedel that makes people want to misappropriate him? >:-(

Cobb's point was this:

Its trivial to convert many systems of faith into propositional calculus and then reduce them to absurdity using Godel's ideas. (For some, this is a terrifying exercise. ) Only a Cynic would think there is value in that or that that is the only value to Godel. Many other people will take comfort in finding that there are questions that cannot be answered by anyone.

If that's what Cobb says, he is using words he doesn't understand, I'm afraid: it's nonsense. [ETA I mean, e.g., because Goedel's incompleteness thm doesn't apply in any non-trivial way to propositional calculus, because the latter is not powerful enough.] For some reason, many people like to use logical terms they don't understand (such as "propositional calculus" and "Goedel's Incompleteness Theorem") to make their arguments sound better. After one too many examples, I now use the presence of that technique as a sign that I can save the effort I'd otherwise have spent on reading the rest of what the author writes!

My DS6 does this. We have implemented a system in which we write down his big questions so that mom has time to research the question and give it the time it deserves. This has helped alot.

That's a really good idea, I should do that. My DS6 often comes up with these questions (factual ones I can't answer, I mean) on the bus, and I say "I don't know, but we can look it up when we get home" and then neither of us remembers. It's almost enough to make me try mobile broadband... The "meaning of life" type questions haven't so far been a problem, as he hasn't been upset about them, just interested in talking about them, so we just do. I did get to answer "so how do people catch HIV mummy?" in a restaurant toilet a few months ago, which was interesting!

I like this too, especially since DDs hit me with the deep questions when I'm trying to get them ready for school or making dinner.
After I share some of my answers, I explain that these are very difficult questions that people have been wrestling with for many, many years. I give them suggestions for other people who would be interested in these kinds of discussions (like our rector).

Sounds like my DD to a T. Bedtime is ALWAYS when it comes out. She has gotten better over the years with learning to cope and hanlde her emotions. We had to do a lot of deep breathing techniques and talk through our anxiety when it would erupt from these things. Morning would tend to calm the flames. I always knew if things were bothering her because they always come out at night.