Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional What is going on?!!! Need help, please!!

Are you sure you don't have my DS? DS is like this too. One of his teachers was shocked to find out that he ever gets into trouble at home, she just couldn't imagine it. Not that DS is a heathen at home, but he does a bit more than his fair share of boundary testing...LOL.

You guys have gotten me through this day!!! Thank you! I sent ds to grandpa's house and went out for a manicure/pedicure and a hair appointment. I feel like a new woman! It helped getting a little time away from ds for me to get it together. Of course, I'm still worried, but I feel like I can start fresh next week with a new, more relaxed approach. I'm also going to try to limit downtime by adding in some more games and outings.

I have to say, ds isn't a behavior problem so much as he's just exhausting to be with sometimes. It's more about the hypersensitivities, negativism, perfectionism, and meltdowns (not angry, more like "poor me") than it is about misbehavior. He is never defiant nor does he try to break rules. He's just impulsive, and like my dh always says, for someone so smart, he sure does some dumb things! LOL

I have no patience for giving up on things. That's probably the biggest issue for me. Ds just expects to understand everything the first time he tries, and he wants to do it HIS way. He is certain that HE knows the best way to do something. For example, we were working on multiplication today. I'm trying to use nontraditional methods, so we were using his trains. We were only doing 2X1, 2x2, etc. I'm pretty sure he understands the concept, but I need to know for sure. So, I explained what to do and demonstrated. "2X3, we want to make two groups of three, now count the total." No, he wanted to do it in his head or use his fingers. Using the trains was "boring." When we got to the higher numbers, he couldn't do it in his head immediately (he doesn't have the times tables memorized) so he freaked out, started crying, said how stupid he is, how he can't do ANYTHING! We hear this so often now, I'm immune. I feel that it's his way of manipulating. I don't think he really believes he's stupid.

I know I'm his mom, but is it my job to jump through hoops to create an unrealistic perfect world for ds? If that's the case, he's in for a rude awakening, when I'm not there to help him. Oh dear God, did I just say that?!!! I'm glad my mother wasn't here to hear those words!! I'd really be hearing "I told you so!" She used to say that to me all the time when I was young!! She says to me all the time, "NOW do you understand?" Haha!

I think I'll look for some books on dealing with perfectionism. That's probably the hardest thing to deal with and it's the toughest thing for us to help ds deal with. I want him to feel good about himself. He's the most loving, caring, sensitive child I've ever known (we probably all say that!), and I'm very proud of him. But, he's definitely the square peg that's never going to fit into a round hole. Sometimes that's a blessing, and sometimes it just makes me sad.

>>When we got to the higher numbers, he couldn't do it in his head immediately (he doesn't have the times tables memorized) so he freaked out, started crying, said how stupid he is, how he can't do ANYTHING!<<

I could have typed the same sentence to describe my DS's behavior. It's nice to know others share similar experiences.

Yippee! This is very good news.

I would certianly check your insurance and see if Occupational Therapy is covered for your son. Then I would look for an OT that does 'Sensory Integration' with kids. There is no need for you to just 'grin and bear' the hypersensitivities. They are treatable. 6 is a great age to do so. You have the time. Get going!
Ummm, do you know who you sound like here? Do you have a little 'devil' inside of you too?
Read up on overexcitabilities. He isn't doing this to 'get' you, he is showing what is inside that was never safe enough to show at school or with Dad. But it's real to him. The OT will help. Time will help. These emotional melt downs will help.

Let Him! Ask him how he wants to learn multiplication. Help out if you can, and back off if you can't. It's his learning. At age 6 he would still be adding 1+2 at most schools. Really. Of course you can skip count while you are walking down the steps. Just don't let on that you are doing it 'for him.'

Totally normal, they probably did way to much of this with counting and adding at his school.

He is having a tantrum. It's probably not manipulating because it sure doesn't 'get' him anything. I think it is just his process, his way of thawing out his disappointments from school,part of the healing process. I've spend many years with folks to sincerely believe that this is the path to emotinal healing: rc.org.
nope, it's your job to nurture yourself through these tough times when he will need to cry and cry over his sorrows, and learn that learning is a process, and it's ok not to get it right the first time. You can be open with him about your trial and error process of figuring out how to assist him with learning.



no we do not. He probably is loving and caring and sensitive - it all goes together sometimes.

I'm very proud of you JenSMP! Can you get grandpa to pitch in on a regular basis? I love how much you are learning about yourself and your son and your clear love for him.
Smiles and Waving Proudly,
Grinity

Grinity-thank you so much. You need your very own Dear Abbey column for gifties! You have a gift for getting to the core of a problem, seeing it for what it really is, and putting it into perspective. Thank you for that.

Ds was diagnosed with SPD when he was 4 by an OT. His pediatrician didn't think it was SPD; she thought he was gifted way back then and related everything to that. She has a gifted son, and apparently my ds is much like her child. We did the OT for a while, a good long while, and I finally pulled ds out of it. It was a great clinic, and his therapist was very good, but after a while it didn't seem to make a big differnce for ds. I still implement a lot of the sensory integration strategies into our day, but maybe I need to do it on a very consistent basis instead of waiting to apply them when things are getting out of hand. I should probably use it as more of a preventative measure instead of as treatment on a particularly difficult day.

I will work on following ds's lead with regards to homeschooling. I'll probably get a lot more out of him that way. And, I'll give him time to recoup from the very stressful situation he was in at school. Thanks for helping me to get it together today. Your support was exactly what I needed.

We get the same response if questions are put this way. On the other hand, if I ask him how many cupcakes he'll need if five of his friends come over and want four each, there is no problem at all. The Kung-fu Panda approach works well when he's feeling negative.

I'm glad you're feeling improved - they are such hard going sometimes. If I had a Harry Potter style lockable cupboard under the stairs I'd definitely use it. Just as well they have so many lovely moments too.

I'm coming late here, but I definitely sympathize as another homeschooler of intense GT kids!

One thing that I like to tell people about how we homeschool, is that my bare minimum requirements are read, write, (language arts), math everyday. Science and history at least once a week. On different days that can be different things. Requirements can be fulfilled by a field trip or internet research some days. Some days we're cranking along and end up doing a couple hours math. Most days it's probably closer to 30 minutes. Some days we diverge completely from our chosen curriculum.

We go to a co-op on Wednesday which really breaks up the week. I felt like my DS (9 today!) barely did anything as a 2nd grader last year homeschooling. At the end of the year we did achievement testing that showed a very different story.

Relax! :-) It's not a race. Lots of elementary schools are just starting to get into new material this time of year!

You mentioned that your DS wakes up a lot during the night. Have you looked into the possiblity of sleep apnea? Waking up a lot at night, snoring, or just seeming like he didn't get as much sleep as he did can be signs of sleep apnea. I have read that a lot of kids with undiagnosed sleep apnea can act as if they have ADHD. Just a thought.

Oh, another thought, too. I read somewhere (I think in those "Your X-Year Old" books) that kids go through cycles of disequilibrium that often coincide roughly with their half birthdays. So, around their birthdays all is going well, they're following rules and routines, they're generally pleasant. And then, wham-o, at around their half-birthday they start questioning all the rules again and they start acting out and pushing limits -- kind of a stretching out period. And then it all normalizes again. I obviously don't know if this is the case with your DS and I'm guessing it can happen at any intervals, but I see this with my kids.

I hope everything returns to a state of equilibrium again and that you have happy days ahead.

It's funny you mention this because we were doing those types of word problems in the car a couple of days ago, and he enjoyed it. He did it without difficulty, but he thought of it as a game. I guess I'm still so personally attached to traditional teaching/learning that I fall back on it. It's what I know. I'll try to keep this in mind and do some stealth teaching. I'm a speech therapist and I work in geriatrics. Usually I'm dealing with dementia and cognitive therapy, but it's very touchy when you point out to an elderly person that they might be having memory or other reasoning problems. So, I do what I call stealth therapy or incognito therapy. I ask questions, play games, do whatever I have to do to treat without calling it treatment. Often, the patient assumes I'm just a nice person visiting with them or spending time with them. I need to do more of this with ds!

Also, about the sleep apnea...I've wondered the same thing, but ds doesn't ever snore. He is always congested though, so I'm wondering more about allergies. He was tested at 2 years old, and they found no allergies. Although, from what I understand it's hard to assess allergies at that age. Now that he's 6, maybe I should check that out again. He does move around a lot at night, but I thought that was pretty normal. I was like that as a kid too. Who knows, but sleep has always been an issue for us since he was born. He was a colichy baby too.

Thanks again for your responses. It's so helpful!