Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Adults "understanding" children, verbally?

We took a van trip yesterday with several other people from our church, including two teens who were just great with 9yo Dd.

On the way home, Dd asks one of them, "Why is it that adults don't seem to understand what children say to them sometimes?" Her friend said, "Well, can you give me an example?" And Dd says, "Well, I was talking to this lady during the workshop and she didn't understand me when I said the word 'consistency.' Why is that?"

I thought it was interesting she asked someone closer to herself in age, because she's asked me this before as well. I thought maybe she was looking for a different answer! I've always told her it's because she uses words that adults don't expect to hear from the mouth of a ___ year old (essentially what her friend said.)

Do verbally advanced children get used to this, though? Dd is an only child and we don't dumb down our speech for her, so I'm never surprised by much of what she says. And, she's seldom surprised when friends her age don't understand her vocabulary - but they usually say they don't know what a word means.

But, when instances like she related above happen, it's almost as though the adults either can't hear her, or can't process, what she's said to them - though she has no speech problems or delays. It really stalls conversations AND, more importantly, questions. They sort of stare at her, or ask her to repeat herself, or misunderstand her.

It frustrates her to no end, but she seems at loss what to do. I've suggested restating her sentence and using a synonym, but she gets a bit flustered by the reaction and, it seems, either can't come up with something new or doesn't know what the problem is.

Anyone else have some ideas on this? Or, heck, just some fun stories along these lines, so Dd doesn't feel "alone" on this one? Thanks!

It's because children will admit that they don't know what a word means, but adults won't.

From the "not alone" vault - my boys have both been pretty verbal since a young age, and i'm always amazed when people don't understand something that is pretty clear. I know that there are times when parents understand "baby language" better than others, but... we're not talking gobbledy-gook here, so, really?

I remember clearly when my oldest was just shy of four we were in arizona on vacation and were visiting with my husband's cousin. My son had just started reading (it was during that very trip we realized he could read and didn't just have things memorized when he asked us in the car what "yoga" meant from a sign he saw on the side of the road) and was a very clear speaker.

Anyway, no matter what he said the cousin always looked at us and said - what was that? what did he say? and it drove me bonkers - she fully expected NOT to be able to understand a 3 and a half year old, so she didn't. Plain and simple. No matter what he said or how he said it - clear as day! - she always turned to me for clarification. All i could say was ask my son to speak louder - in the hopes that she was just hard of hearing! (which she's not, but i didn't know what else to do!) These weren't necessarily hard words - it was, pure and simple - a decision that kids of a certain age are not to be understood.

Insanity.

I've suspected this all along. And it's really driving me nuts. But, you would think at 9yo, this, too, would have passed.

I understood when, at 2 1/2, Dd told a lady she liked her "accessories" and wasn't understood - who expected her to use a term like that? But she's 9, and the height of an 11-12 yo, so it's both baffling, amusing, and frustrating all at once!

LOL you know i never thought of it that way but come to think of it your right my 4 1/2 year old speaks very clearly and i still sometimes see people not understand and say "what did she say?" she also has a huge vocab saying words like predicament at only barely 4yrs old and apparently, perhaps, unusual, exe. at 2.5/3yrs

This is a good topic.

Mr W uses big words, too. If you don't listen, you will miss it and think he is just saying nonsense.

For instance, he heard us talking about plants and said something and all we caught at the end was "photosynthesis." Another example was when a friend was talking about a Mercedes. Mr W asked, "What is a Mercedes?"

We were in line at a store and Wolf commented on some candy or something and the lady in front of us whipped around, stared at him and asked me in disbelief, "Did he just say 'scrumptious'?" I thought it was hilarious.

Bear is the one that has this problem all the time though. He has almost his brother's vocabulary, but his pronunciation is very poor. People actually have an excuse for not understanding him!

From the time my son was just learning to speak he seemed to love words more than the average kid and because he asked about words he hadn't heard before, even as a toddler, it was like he built a thesaurus in his mind so that whenever he wanted to say something he could choose more interesting words or make alliterative phrases instead of saying it in some boring, cliche way and of course he could come up with all those puns and analogies that he likes to use. Adults where we live don't understand why he doesn't want to talk about football and sports all the time like everyone else.

I'll admit, there are a few times when Dd surprises me with a word she uses.

One thing that this makes me wonder about is whether we hear in "patterns," much like it is suggested that we read words in groups or patterns? If so, then gifties would tend to disrupt our patterns a bit, wouldn't they?

Another favorite is when she uses a word, usually correctly, and then turns to me and says, "Did I use ______ correctly in that sentence?" LOL!