Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy I may have messed up with DD's teacher

After seeing DD8's math homework this week, I emailed her teacher asking what ideas she had to keep DD excited about math this year. I said that DD was already beginning to get the attitude of "math is too easy, it's boring, so I'd rather whine about it for an hour than spend the 2 minutes it takes to do my homework" that she had last year that made our afternoons miserable and I hoped we could work together to stop it before it started. I asked what options the curriculum had for differentiation and/or enrichment and said I'd be interested to see what was available. That was Tuesday evening, and I haven't received a response yet.

I also decided to take matters into my own hands a little and spice up DD's homework each evening. Last night's homework was identifying place values to the thousands so I added a few decimal points and changed things to thousandths, hundredths, and tenths. DD enjoyed it and was proud of what she did until she turned it in today.

Turns out, to further reinforce the concepts reviewed in homework (or to save herself work), the teacher has students correct each others' papers in class. DD had to correct her own paper because I had made it too hard for the other kids. Personally, I don't have a problem with this, because "correcting" her already correct homework herself saves her from even more review. But she felt left out, and had the impression that her teacher disapproved of what we'd done.

So what do I do next? I wasn't going to pepper her teacher with emails, since it is only the 2nd week of school and I know she's still assessing where students are. I don't want to put her on the defensive, but is it unreasonable to expect a response to my first email within a couple of days? Have I already alienated her by tinkering with the sacred homework?

Hmmm... well, I have goofed and once I really ticked DD's teacher off by correcting bad grammar in the textbook... It wasn't the end of the world. I talked to her in person and made sure she understood that my complaint was not with her personally, but with the curriculum materials selected by the district (which she was required to use.)

Anyway, we are on friendly terms now...so don't lose hope If possible, try to have a face-to-face meeting instead of email. Then the friendly tone of your request and your desire to have a good relationship with the teacher will come through! I think that was my real mistake in that incident...I had sent a note to school with DD which was misinterpreted by the teacher.

You mean I shouldn't have corrected the typos in her welcome letter to parents?

Kidding! Though I admit I wanted to, badly (fourth should never be confused with forth).

I agree that it is time for the face-to-face meeting.

In fact, I have just emailed DS9''s teacher to request for some time to discuss about what "I" and the school can possibly do for DS. (I stated like "15 minutes" so that she doesn't feel the pressure that it is going to be a lengthy discussion of Ds's histories since she would have already read them in the school records). I figured that it has been 2 weeks and parent conference is in Oct! (so fast!) Something should be done soon. And if nothing can be done, I would want to know early too.

It's hard to try to be tactful, get your point across and get what u want. Sigh...

All the best!

Well, I'm just socially clueless enough to have done something like that...I was just trying to be helpful to the teacher

I had to learn that lesson the hard way...

Trillium I did the same thing for DS then 6 even turning plus signs into multiplication signs. The teacher was NOT happy and even pointed out that this was the very thing she was talking about in regards to him not following directions. Yep that's right he was in trouble for enhancing his worksheets when he needed to just follow directions. So ((hugs)) to you and your endevour.

Oh, I didn't mean it that way--I'm just pointing out that I'm already going into this year with a bad attitude and I'm not impressed with the quality of her teacher so far.

I did confirm with my DD that her teacher specifically told her not to change her homework. Grr.

No worries! I really am a bit clueless (as in 'Aspergery'.) Usually my sincerity is what saves me... I just wanted you to know that all is not lost with this teacher. And who knows, maybe she'll come through for your DD despite the typos.

Hugs. We're in a similar boat. DD8 started math acceleration last week. We had no idea of the routine since we missed the meet the teacher for 4th grade. She absolutely froze on a pre-test (for various reasons-long story) and attempted none of the questions. On Tues when I finally talk to the teacher thinking I will be having a discussion about test anxiety, I hear but they only learn place value to the hundreds in 2nd grade. We do millions, please. Now if you told me she can't spell millions I would agree. She also keeps telling me about the plan for "THEM" based on a first pre-test and that they are supposed to learn to take tests in 3rd grade. I'm sure my manner on the phone irritated her because when I asked who "THEM" was I got told she could not discuss other children. So I pointed out that she had said "THEM". I later found out that "THEM" was the two 3rd grade accelerated students (we are friends with the other girl). Everyone at school seemed in favor of the acceleration (and both girls were thoroughly tested), but we hadn't met the 4th grade teacher. I hope a face to face helps.

Anyways, I never thought I would be the parent having to have talks at school about why after a child was so stressed about a test they would come back and two days in a row give her more tests...............DD8 doesn't like surprises. Now she assumes she could get a test at anytime. She at least seems to love this teacher.

Well, I got a response from DD's teacher today. Only one typo--"your" instead of "you're" and some questionable grammar, but I'm not going to nitpick. ;-)

She's offering to give DD more challenging classroom work, and extra homework, but only after she's completed the regular assignments. Somehow, I don't think DD's going to be wild about this solution, but we'll see how it goes.

I'm going to try to wait until after conferences (first week of Nov.) to broach the idea of testing out of units and/or moving up a grade in math, since I think she'll have a better sense of DD's level by then. Plus, I think DD will have completed the EPGY 3rd grade math program by then anyway.

She also said she wants to recruit a parent volunteer to run a special advanced math program in her class for kids who are interested, so hopefully I can help her out there.

That sounds like a good start. I ran a mathlab for 2nd and 3rd graders for two years. It was a good way to get to know the teachers, and to show them that I am willing to put in the effort to make enrichment work for my kids and for others.

Update: I met with DD's teacher today, but don't feel like we made much progress. Here's how it went:

DH and I went in, armed with some gifted articles, dd's test scores and work samples. We started off talking about how we want her to learn how to learn, how to take risks, etc. We suggested options like testing out of math units, working on EPGY math instead, going to a 4th grade classroom for math, reading higher level books and doing independent projects for reading. We showed where she's working in EPGY (currently the 3.6 level, but it's still a little easy). Her teacher pretty much shot down every idea, but to be fair, she seemed to feel completely restricted by the curriculum she's required to teach. She referred us to the principal to find out if any of our ideas would be possible. She also didn't seem to give much weight to dd's achievement or ability test scores, and even said that dd didn't really seem that advanced to her in reading comprehension (though she scored in the 99.6th percentile on the WIAT-II!!).

I was able to catch the principal on our way out. She said we'll have to go to a "guidance team" meeting to see about any acceleration options, though she also shared with me that she's only seen full grade skips done twice in the district, both times with disastrous results (her words). However, she took a copy of dd's test scores, and seemed to imply that she might have some pull in where dd is on the wait list for the full-day gifted program. (Background--dd was denied entrance to their program primarily based on a 'creativity test' score, and, though I can't prove it, her adhd issues. It's another long story.) She also said there should be no problem with dd doing other work in class, including EPGY, though I think we're still going to need to address the "instead of" not "in addition to" issue.

So, we'll wait and see. The principal said she'd get back to us by Monday about the guidance team meeting. I'm also running the Star Math program in dd's class, so I know she'll have at least 6-8 slightly challenging math problems per week. (Yes, that's what the "advanced" math program entails.)

Oh, one other take away from the meeting--dd's teacher mentioned that she'd talked with the full-day gifted teacher about the gifted curriculum, but the gifted teacher couldn't share anything about it with her because it's apparently completely confidential. Does this seem odd to anyone else?

Yes, it does seem strange. I'm picturing the kids signing a gag order at the end of class, LOL.
Hope the principal gets her moved into the full-day gifted program soon.

Did you get that meeting? How's it going?
Grinity

Hi Lilswee,
Did DD8 work things out with the teacher?
Grinity

Trillium,

You may want to look up the Iowa Acceleration scale. It is an objective measure of the suitability for acceleration. The "Guidance Team" may want to reference it as well. You may want to look around for other districts in your state that do provide for acceleration and look at their policies.

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/iowa_accel_scale.htm

As for confidential - unless its related to Privacy Laws, nothing is confidential. That always concerns me.

Hi Grinity, just noticed your question. Last month we had a face to face that didn't go much better. The principal and 3rd grade teacher were great. DD8 likes the teacher in question, though, and wants to stay in the class. We haven't had any more test issues, other than they feel the need to keep giving her more tests.

After all the Hupla, her progress report was good, report cards this week. Judging from the weekly grades that come home, the grade may be a little lower but I didn't write everything down. When I try to ask the teacher if there are any issues, I get the feeling she just sees me as another pushy obnoxious parent (maybe I am-who knows) and to leave her alone. My intention is to ask questions and make sure that after all of the hupla last month that I help reinforce any issues that DD8 may have in class with attention or whatever at home.

I do think the DD8 is challenged learning the new processes in 4th grade, testing, having to read the questions, and not having cues from someone to check her work. Learning that checking your work is important since if you miss 1 out of 6 your grade is significantly lowered. Most of her errors have been due to being careless and mis-reading versus learning new material.

The latest email from the teacher in question was fairly terse but said she is doing fine. The latest development was that the school wants to give 4th grade benchmarks instead of 3rd grade. Initially they told me they would benchmark with the 3rd graders to ensure nothing was missed for end of year testing.

LOL Lilsweetie! No one has all the answers!
Glad that she is learning a bit - Yippee!
Grinity

yes learning something is good . My prediction is that will we be status quo pretty soon though but at least expectations are higher.

No, it's not unreasonable to expect a response within a day or two. Maybe the teacher doesn't know how to respond, or maybe she's intimidated in some way because you've done advanced work with her. I've gotten that response from my kids' teachers, although it was not intentional. I think knowing that I teach advanced high school math puts them on the defensive.

I would recommend a face-to-face meeting at this point. If the teacher already feels defensive, emails will only exacerbate those feelings.

OMG! DD10's teacher recently sent home a review document fraught with spelling and grammatical errors. I had the same feeling.

Sorry. I didn't realize you'd had the meeting. I should have read the whole thread first!

no problem. LOL! Actually the emails may have been better. I am way more sarcastic in person. I'm pretty sure that she is defensive for many of the reasons you stated, pink. The two girls that are accelerated into her class have engineers for parents and the others are slightly more vocal than I am.

This cracks me up. After the first few days of school, I asked my older son how he liked his new 5th grade teacher. His reply: She seems okay, but she mispronounces some words during read aloud.