Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Eat your food groups

I've seen quite a bit of talk here about kids and eating. This is still an issue in our home. We have DS6 and DD9.

I learned that you should provide healthy foods, be a good example and promote healthy eating/living. Children should not be forced to eat or have any battle to eat because that can develope eating disorders.

I am trying my best to do the above but I'm still disappointed in the situation. I love lots of vegetable. My DH has a more limited veggie palate. I use to go over the food groups at dinner and explain we learn these so we eat a variety of food for health. Usally my kids will eat dinner with only one food group and milk despite my typical protein, milk and veggies nightly. My DH has improved but can't seem to stop trying to get the kids to eat and try new thing. I try to have dinner before he gets home because it's too aggravating with DH at dinner but that doesn't always workout. My policy - don't say anything but compliments about the food. If you don't like what is on the table get a yogurt from the frig. I'm not making them anything special but I try to include somethings they have liked at one time. My DS is the type to draw you into a battle. I'm sure my daughter would eat more variety if she didn't eat with her brother. I put things on the table my son has like sometime and the he doesn't eat them. I feel like he is doing it to spite me and doesn't want to be pleased. I give up on ds with trying to put something on the table for him. My kids love carbs like rice and pasta. They drink their milk and love fruit. The protein and the veggies are my issue. The kids are not as interested in cooking with me any more. We have started making smoothies on the weekend which has they will help with a little and are excited about. My DS get hypoglycemic at times I think due to social and gifted type stresses or just not eating enough sometimes. So now I don't feel like I can even say he can't have a snack.

I know families with kids who eat broccolli and salad and their parents say they must eat these things and they eat better than my kids. I don't even want to make dinner these days. I feel like the above stuff is so good but where are the results???????

I am 40 lbs over weigh so I'm not the perfect example. My children are in sports and look slim and healthy and get outside a lot.

I'm sure there are some extremes of "force" that could develop problems down the road, but modeling good habits only gets you so far. Inevitably -- other than the "perfect people" in the world -- there is bound to be arm-wrestling along the way at the majority of dinner tables.

"Force" sounds a bit harsh. How about "encourage"? We "encourage" our kids' healthy diets, just like we "encourage" limits on screen time, and "encourage" responsible sleeping habits. (Well, OK, we do "force" the brushing of teeth, 'cause the object lesson is too far in the future & too expensive for us in the end.)

My approach of "eat this or eat nothing" seems a little draconian to some, but I'm not forcing them to eat X. I'm simply limiting their available options, and when they are hungry, they will eat. Eventually the kids forget how they once "hated" such & such and now eat their veggies (or fish, or whatever) without raising a stink.

If we tried that in our house, Yoplait stock would skyrocket.

With typical exercise, I think many kids could eat rice and chocolate all day every day and still stay slim and appear healthy. I believe that so much of the "goodness" is on the inside as they are growing & developing -- and we really don't see the immediate and direct impact of a poor diet like we often do on our adult waistlines.

Hypoglycemia can also be caused by too many carbs/sugars on a regular basis. Your body gets used to the high carbs/sugar intake and freaks out when it does not have it. This was is the case with me until I finally found a Doc who was smart enough to tell me that I needed to slowly lessen the amount of carbs/sugars/startches from my daily diet.
Just thought I would throw that out there.

As for the dinner routine I am more like Dandy, so I'll let the others handle this.

Let me know if you do, so I can move some investments:)

thanks florida I'm gonna try that.

So the problem is that they eat too much of the rice/bread/pasta, and not much else? My thoughts are these:

First, whole grains are a great source of protein, so I wouldn't worry about protein if they're filling up on a variety of whole grains (and beans or nuts wouldn't hurt either). And there is also a lot of protein in milk and other dairy products. (Can you tell we are vegetarians? )

Second, yogurt is great...but if you're talking about the individually-packaged, single-serve kind, the vast majority of them have a heck of a lot of refined sugar. They're sort of desserty, actually. We buy them sometimes for treats, but we don't have them (or anything with refined sugar) as a regular part of our diet. Sugar can be very addictive. Have you tried directing the kids toward fruit, nuts, carrots, or beans? My DD will go for that stuff any day of the week, and it's all good no matter how much she eats.

The bottom line is that you shouldn't buy things you don't want them to eat. And you should try to make sure that they have alternatives that they will enjoy that will still be healthy if they don't like what you prepare for a meal.

I'm not sure if that's the sort of advice you are looking for, now that I think about it. You did post this here after all, not on a nutrition board. I guess I would just add that I make what I make for supper, and I present it to DD. If she doesn't want it, she is responsible for finding something easy & quick that she would prefer. And in most cases, she is responsible for getting it for herself. In other words, I treat her just like I treat my DH when he doesn't like what I've made. DD doesn't always eat the same foods we do, but she nonetheless has a very healthy, balanced diet.

that's helpful. We do try to eat a fair amount of whole grains and I watch the fat content. What would you consider alot of sugar for a yogurt? I buy the stonyfield Yogurts. I feel good about giving them an alternative that they can just grab and eat I don't want to deal with making them something or the mess of pb&j they would make.

The Stonyfield yogurts are really good, DDs dr. recommended them specifically for her digestive problems.

I am really passionate about healthy eating, but I know that it can be taken too far also. I know kids who only eat healthy things and then go to a friend's house and go overboard on candy and junk food. We have mainly healthy options for snacks: fruits, veggies, string cheese, whole wheat crackers, yogurt etc. Milk is the only drink with meals, but juice and water are available after. During the week, I make steelcut oats in the crockpot overnight for oatmeal, but on the weekends, we have cereal and other foods available. While I want to have healthy foods to make good choices, I don't want my kids to develop an eating disorder either. So there are sweet snacks in the pantry and ice cream in the freezer almost always. Funny though, they don't ask for the all the time. If they don't care for what's for dinner, I ask them to try it and then they can make a sandwich. Hopefully by the time they go to college, they've learned to make good choices at home:)

Jen

I think any refined sugar is a lot, personally, when it is a regular part of the diet. What we sometimes do is buy a big tub of plain, unsweetened yogurt (not vanilla), and add all-fruit (no sugar added) jams, mix & presto: sweet, delicious, any-flavor yogurt. Or you could add honey or maple syrup and fresh fruit. And it will also save you money.

If they like peanut butter & jelly, they might like peanuts (or other nuts) and fruit or raisins. Maybe an unsweetened trail mix might be good. Sure, it seems more like a snack than a meal, but it sounds like they're getting plenty of bread already, and both nuts & fruits are great, healthy foods.

Thanks for your efforts.

I chatted a little about what we do on the other thread (the "obey" one, as I recall), but thought I might add a few remarks here:

-eating well starts with shopping (or growing!) well--if you only have good stuff in the house/on the table, then the choices they make will be good ones.

-it's nice when mealtime is pleasant--sometimes I'll use the china and silver and linen and flowers on the table just for fun, sometimes I get out a picnic blanket (even an indoor picnic when it's raining outside is fun!), sometimes we'll have a theme meal (Indian night, Greek night, all food is orange [or green or whatever] night...), sometimes we'll have a round-robin tell-a-joke night--it's nicer to eat when everyone is happy and enjoying themselves.

-something dietitians tell mums of babies/toddlers is not to worry about balance in one meal, or in one day--that a day where your child eats only tomatoes, for instance (we had a lot of those!) will ultimately be balanced by a day where he eats a lot of beans or whatever. I think that this still may have some validity for older children, too--you might try having a look at the balance over a month, rather than at one meal.

-I'm not saying that this is the case with anyone here--I'm sure it's not--but it can be too easy to let what is a nutrition issue turn into a power issue. We don't praise them for eating, we don't scold them for not eating, we neither coerce nor cajole nor limit; we simply present a wide selection of good foods, let them select what they want, and generally treat them as we would want to be treated ourselves. We have no food problems at all at our house; they eat good nutritious food and they don't waste anything, because it never turned into a struggle for power. Of course we occasionally have disagreements about other things--what family doesn't?--but I absolutely refuse to have power struggles around something as elemental--and personal--as food.

peace
minnie

What she said.

We use the "You have to try one bite" rule. I also don't buy non whole wheat bread or tortillas or white rice. If it's not in the house... I've done the plain yogurt thing (even make my own every so often) but Costco has such a good deal on light small cup flavored yogurts...

The boys get to have a piece of candy every day just because no food is bad food if it is eaten in moderation. They only get one glass of juice (we mix ours with extra water) and two glasses of milk a day. Besides that it is water and an occasional soda as a treat when we are out.

And then there is Bear... He does OK with most of this and eats whatever is on OUR plates (just not his). The big issue I have is that his tantrums are linked to his hunger and tiredness level. He tends to not eat unless it is after he is exhausted from having a tantrum. His food will be on the table and I KNOW he's hungry, but no luck. I don't force him, but does any one have any ideas how to fend off the hunger tantrums?

Thanks everyone I feel inspired to make things better with meals.

Hi Wyldkat

Once we worked out the link between food and mood we got into a routine of giving him something to eat every hour or so - we didn't let him go past 2 hours without something to eat or boy did we know about it. He is much better know and eats more at meals to see him through but we still have to be on it.

Kindy thought it bizarre when we first started and we
gave them a heap of snacks and a tub of jellybeans - in case of emergency. They soon twigged after his first tantrum. We explained that if his sugar gets too low its too late and he can't eat and tantrum at the same time so pop in a jelly bean or 2, (never known to refuse them!) then once he's calmed down feed him. They pretty much learned to keep the snacks up.

Even school learned the hard way that he is unbearable if hungry and after I pointed out that he was coming home with food in his box they said well he eats soooo slowly that the bell for play goes before he's done. I had to insist that he has to eat everything before he gets to play otherwise it was compounded by him burning off the few calories he had eaten by the end of lunch and they wondered why they got nothing out of him all afternoon.

He is nearly 7 now but we still never go out without a snackbox. (oh he is celiac with several major food allergies so its not that easy to just stop and feed him when we are out, so it's a bit like taking his medical bag wherever we go we also take food).

Not sure if this helps but when he was younger we didn't worry too much about the set meal times just kept feeding him little and often - and he got a mix of good and not so good but the poor kid misses out on so much nice food we feel a treat won't harm.