Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion DD scared about dying

Several times recently I have found my DD near hysteria, crying that she doesn't want to die. She doesn't want to go to heaven and leave me. No matter how much I tell her she always goes back to "Everyone dies, so I am going to die". I am worried, it is far beyond curiosity. My church just folded and I do not have a new one so I can not send her to the Pastor (he was wonderful with children). Her whole level of thinking on this subject is way beyond her years, but she is not mature enough to take comfort in the idea of endless life. I am hoping that school will distract her. Has anyone else dealt with this issue?

How old is your DD?

here's some ideas that may help.

My daughter's teacher taught her class about visualizing Jesus's garden. It's a beautiful place, you can leave all your worries on the tree if you need too, you can sit on his lap and tell him anything, everything is very safe and beautiful there. If she has a worry she may hang it on the tree and leave it there. Sometimes she does the visualizing and I think it helps her feel like she has something to do with her trouble.

You can tell your child she may come talk to you about anything. Tell her if she talks about troubles it will help her feelings get smaller about it. I give my daughter the option of telling me to "just make it a listening time" if she want and I don't give any advice or opions unless she wants them.

I think it is helpful for children to have goldfish because when they die they can deal with this a little.

There are some children's books that are helpful. Preview to make sure content is right with yor family values. One of the books is called Old turtle. If I recall correctly it talks about a old man being taking care of by his son and lifecycle. Another book, I wish I remembered the name, it is about a grandma who loved to dance and grew to old to dance but then she could do it in heaven and it felt good. These are both picture books. Your librian maybe helpful with options.

There may be parenting resources too.

Maybe your child needs some sort of explanation or reassurance about death because the idea is scarey. It may be good to explain everyone in your family is healthy and you live in a very safe place. I hope this is all true for you.

Try to get her outside for lots of exercise that does alot for everybody. Hope this helps.

I agree the life cycle is good to help deal with life/death. we learned when a plant dies it goes back to the earth. It's good for a child to have a live plant then it dies - it is sad for the child. A tomatoe plant that dies at the end of the season is a good example. Maybe save the seeds for next year. Let them deal this little sadness helps them deal with bigger stuff later. Talk about how you feel when the plant dies.

Thank you for all of the great ideas.
My DD is 5 so this is a big transition time for her. I hope when she starts school she will be more at ease.
Her biggest fear is that she could no longer be with me. We have a very close relationship. I try to wxplain angels and this helps a liitle.
Her intensity on this issue is overwhelming and frightening. I am hoping that it is a one subject issue and not a sign of larger anxiety. Her mind is so differant than other kids it just catches me off guard sometimes.

My DS (8) sobs uncontrollably before bed at night because he's afraid of *us* dying and leaving him all alone. No matter what we say to him, he can't stop crying. He also has a favorite stuffed animal that he's had since birth, and he'll cry because he's afraid his stuffed animal will eventually disintegrate.

Maybe we need to explore the life cycle more in depth too!

I was like this also. I believe part of this issue is that most children's books have an orphan as the lead character.

My daughter would not read anything in which the parents died or were dead. This severely limited her book selection, but she did not have the same issues as I did with this.

Many gifties have this problem because they compare to their lives and think deeply about their reading. Just this year, in sixth grade, she read Harry Potter and other books about orphans and was able to understand that this was not happening to her.

She brought up this subject a few days ago and wondered why so many books are like this. I believe that it gives the children more room to have adventures without a parent looking out for them and to most children, this is fantasy.

Yes, I think the Disney "Mother Dying Ratio" is about 90%. I can see where an intelligent child could think a few steps further.