Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional questions... more questions....

I am so glad I found this forum!

So here it comes another question: DD4 wants to interact with someone else all the time. Even when I manage that she plays on her own (not for too long unfortunately) she then talks with a full array of imaginary playmates. She even does the voices and gestures!
She does not like much group activities, it is rather a one-to-one interaction that she seeks.

Is this normal? Many people thinks that I spoil her and that I should get her used to be alone. Could that be? Or is she missing something, like true peers?

What is your experience on this?

TIA TIA TIA

Isa-

LOL, it's normal for my kids, they all have craved near-constant interaction since birth. I think they just have a tremendous need for "input".

And yes, it is also common for gifted preschoolers to have imaginary friends. My son had a whole slew of them between age two and four, and they had umm, very interesting names. When he didn't need them anymore, he killed them off; telling us that Poopy and Mustard got run over,Daisy got sick and died, etc. I wasn't sure if I should go running for the shrink at that point, but he was very cheerful and had no other signs of crisis.

Mine DS11 was that way too. Every year it gets easier. A little. I have stopped worring about who's "fault" it is. I just remember that he has special needs, and that can be hard on a Mom. Some kids just do. And yes, I have tried everything, and it all worked, a little. Still not a normal situation. Where are those "rent-a-siblings" I keep dreaming of? I couldn't even organize a "rent-a-granny."

Interestingly, at day care, My DS had a pattern of choosing "One best friend" and insisting on playing "only" with that kid. If the child felt like playing with him, it was a good day. If that child wanted more space, it was a bad day. He was also really good at "monopolising the teacher's attention." This was seen as "his problem" and a sign of "immaturity." And I should please stop paying so much attention to him at home so that he wouldn't have this "problem." This was followed by, "Well, you probably can't help it, him being an only, and you being so old when you had him and all." I hate other people sometimes. Or maybe just their behavior. Although now I am actually laughing, because it's funny.

Looking back I wonder if putting him with the older group would have eased some of that "input deficiet" but I think that for some children, it is just going to be a need when they are small.

High Urge to learn, Lower physical ability to get information equals "special need" behavior.

And that's the truth
Trinity

Ah, yes, blame the mommy. So simple to do. You were easy prey, Trin!

My 9 year old son has always wanted and needed a lot of attention. It started when he was a colicky baby. Although he never had imaginary friends, he pretended he was other characters with the voices and gestures and when I took him to see a community musical theater when he had just turned four, he told me that was what he wanted to do, so at age four and a half he was in "Babes in Arms" with his childrens musical theatre group. Most of the kids in this group are in gifted classes in public school and are gifted both academically and musically, so my son feels like he belongs. This is a kid who seemed to not like group activities because he would stand back and watch other kids on the playground in Kindergarten or spend the entire time talking to the teacher, but he loves singing and acting in musical theatre. Almost all of his friends are from this group and I think they will be life long friends. It is like they develop some kind of special bond by working so hard under a very demanding teacher who expects them to act like professionals.

My son's true peers are 3 and 4 years older--two of his very good friends are teenagers. We were worried about this at first, but the developmental pediatrician and the educational psychologist that tested him said this was okay because they are closer to his mental age. These friends are the ones that invite him to their birthday parties and sleepovers and of course, we invite them to our house also. He has enough friends that he sometimes gets invited to two different places at the same time and he has to choose. Their friendship is based on shared interests, not age. My son always felt like he didn't belong in groups where there only kids his age.

There is a new five year old in my son's musical theater group who seems very shy and tends to hang out with only one of the girls or me. But she is a dancer and some of the other kids are better singers and actors and the teacher is usually able to work with this. I can tell from the look on this little girl's face that she loves being there.

At age nine my son still wants me to stay with him at all of the rehearsals, I guess for moral support. I am the only parent that stays. My son had a five-hour rehearsal Saturday and sometimes I think it would be nice to do something else (like shopping by myself) and I have wondered if this makes me look like a helicopter parent. I know the other gifted kids who also like to talk to adults like having me there to talk to and I kind of enjoy talking to them anway, so I stay.

I sometimes wonder if my son's sensory integration and mild motor issues are part of the reason he craves attention.

I am used to people watching us. I am sure they think I spoil my son by homeschooling and letting him learn in some unusual ways. I have learned to do whatever works. I have had several people including my sisters and public school teachers tell me I should put him in public school, even though the school will not provide an appropriate education for my twice exceptional child, just so he will get used to being away from me. I have an "outside-the-box" child and I think most parents in my small town think my job as a parent is to make him fit "in the box."

I am supposed to fill out a child behavior checklist to send to the developmental pediatrician's office before our next appointment. "Demands a lot of attention" and "would rather be alone than with others" and "clings to adults or too dependent" are all on this list. I dread going to this appointment. He last saw this doctor two years ago and I remember the first time we saw her I got the feeling that she thought I was the cause of some of his problems because I did not "make" him do enough. I didn't "make" him play physically with the other kids, I didn't "make" him sit at a desk to practice handwriting or do worksheets as much as I should, I didn't "make" him learn to tie his shoes when he had trouble with it and instead let him use velcro. Just like I should have "made" him crawl when he was a baby when other kids his age could and he couldn't and I should have made him practice coloring in the lines--well maybe I really should have--those darn bubble sheets they use for testing. If she could just tell me how to "make" him do things like put his face in the water and stop turning his head when someone is splashing him and "make" him stop screaming when flying insects get too close to him, and "make" him stop complaining that he is too tired to keep dancing or walking, then I guess I will. It is my fault because I could never make him do any of this stuff.

I have no advice here Lori H. Even though I have been there and done that, there are no easy answers. I wish you had a BTDT developmental pediatirician to go to, but I understand about slim picking.
((hugs))
Trinity

Totally normal. I had an imaginary friend when I was little. His name was Rover. I think he started out as a dog and then evolved into a person.

All three of our kids crave parent interaction, especially our oldest DD. She's always been extrememly demanding of our time and attention. I think this is typical of gifted kids.

Very interesting...

I have been blamed as well to spoil DD ... and to top it I am still breastfeeding her !!

I have been asked by her teacher as well to try to get her used to be alone at home, not to give her so much atention...

Lorel: DD 'kill' as well her best imaginary friend LOL, but she resucitated once. She does not talk about her anymore so I asked her and she told me she was like P*** (real friend): they do not want to play with me anymore. The sad thing, it is true for the real friend, even though I have not told her.

Trinity: DD wants to play as well with only one child. At the day-care she had a friend and become really jealous if someone else wanted to play with her friend.
Now in the school she wants to interact with only one girl at a time.
She tries as well to monopolise the teacher's atention, or the adult's that are around actually.
And I was 'old' as well when I had her LOL! (37).

Lori: your music groups looks great! I wish DD had some activity like this. I do not think that DD has any true peer. I definitively have to work on that.

And she does have visual problems, I wonder if there is a pattern here ...

Anyway, I wish you good luck with your ped's appointment.

Thanks a lot for the answers!